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Advice needed from first time mamas

morethanibargainedfor's picture

Submitted by morethanibargai... on Wed, 03/25/2015 - 9:11am

I haven't posted in a long time.
Things have not been going great with SD14. BM and her fiancé have brainwashed her real good. She tells DH hes a bad dad, says she doesn't want to see him etc. but then a week later shes calling to come for a visit. (Backstory, she has some developmental and social delays and behavioral issues.
Anyways DH gets fed up, goes a few weeks or month without talking to her but then eventually caves. Its a losing battle for me, I'm over it. I don't get involved anymore. If he wants her to come over she comes over, I don't fight it. We usually just have dinner, hang out a bit and then he takes her home.

So my predicament is this...... I'm pregnant. We haven't told her yet. We are telling her tonight. He bought her a necklace and had "sister" engraved in it and hes gonna give it to her when we tell her. The way I see it, one of 2 things is going to happen 1. she will be really upset, jealous and not like the idea at all. Dirol she will be super excited and will now want to be around ALL the time. I don't mind if shes around. I really don't, as long as shes respectful. BUT when the baby comes, I know there will be times when I don't want her around. When I just want to be alone with my baby and my husband. When I just want to relax because im super exhausted. She is a lot to handle and a lot to take even just for short periods of time.

So, first time mamas..... How did your skids deal with your first baby? happy? mad? clingy?
Are you ok with them being around all the time? Do you have any issues saying "no you cant come over tonight"?
Any and all advice welcome!!

My second problem is as stated above she has some developmental delays. She is extremely irresponsible, doesn't pay attention to what she is doing, cannot be trusted by herself etc. I KNOW she is going to think she that can babysit this baby. But truth is, I would never even leave her alone in a room with another kid. How do I deal with that aspect?

Thanks all Smile

Comments

QueenBeau's picture

Submitted by QueenBeau on Wed, 03/25/2015 - 10:31am

SD was 7 when DS was born.

She wasn't the problem, DH was. Wanting her to hold him while she was sick etc. She was a little jealous while I was pregnant. She was just excited & interested after he was born. I think they'll have a good relationship when DS gets old enough to do anything interesting.

Babysitting would def be off the table if I were you. I'd discuss it with DH & get on the same page so that when she asks, you all can avoid the question or if you have to - just tell her no. 14 is young to babysit in my eyes anyway (a newborn at least).

edit to add: i wouldn't worry so much about wanting time "just you, dh & baby" because honestly - I was glad when SD came & her & DH went out & did stuff. There were so many visitors sometimes I just wanted time just me & baby.

Maxwell09's picture

Submitted by Maxwell09 on Wed, 03/25/2015 - 1:59pm

Congrats!!

I'm pregnant now with my first. My SS is 3 and he seems to be excited for now. His mother just had another baby this past year so he kinda knows what coming I think but I'm sure there will be some shell-shock when the baby gets here. For now though he asks to take me to the DR so he can hear the baby, we brought him once and liked it. The only time he's noticed a difference really was when I was chasing at the park last week, as a 8 month pregnant lady I can't get down the slide as fast as I used to or chase him for as long. It's cool though, he just laughs and says I will be skinny after XXX gets out my belly and I will be fast like him again. lol

They say with older kids that it will be helpful to let them feel important. Like let her choose a theme for the Nursery and help decorate it (Id suggest you choose two themes you like and let her pick from that).