Jealous??? Insecure??? Lack of trust?? What is it.....
I wish someone could help me identify my feelings.
FauxSD is some I do care about. I will not have her in my life right now due to past behavior and her crazy bi-polar issues. But I do care about her, even really get along with her. She has her kids call me Grandma. The crazy is just crazy
Her DD FauxSGD. I do not like, don't want her around my kids, my pets, my house, me or DH. She is a spoiled entitled, manipulater, bully, lier, has no problem threating to get her way, and if along with me has no problem hitting me or threatening to call the cops and lie.
I do not ever feel comfortable when DH is around either or both. DH will not stand up to me. He knows SGD is blaming me for not seeing. Her mom. He stopped it not me. Last time he saw her it was movies and spoiling not a word said. I brought it up to him, he responded with because I see her so often. I said it only takes once, and the last time it was all about spoiling the shit out of her the time before you took her to buy $170 worth of crap at Target. No mention of her blaming me, because you never planned on it. He didn't even respond after that.
When he does see them, and I have never stopped it, I get a very uneasy feeling. I feel betrayed because after everything he still spoils SGD and loans SD money. I feel like he is budding up to the enemy because he talks to SD about issues with my ex. I feel like I can't trust him. I feel almost jealous, how can he still have such loyalt to them after everything but there is conditions to his love for me? Therapist told me after everything this is all normal.... Is it?? With SD25, I have no problem with him going out with her.
It all just feels like they are forever and always forgiven and nothing they do it ever permeantly wrong. But he has resent towards me for not babing SGD. For not accepting the excuses. And if he can still be so forgiving of someone who has attacked me... What does that say about how he feels about me??
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Parents love their kids
Parents love their kids (bio/adopted really doesn't matter) unconditionally. We do not love spouses that way. Your husband's kids and grandkids will be in his life forever. If your marriage doesn't work, you and your kids will be gone.
When the grandkid was living with him he had to try to parent her. Now that she is back with her mom, he gets to do the normal grandparent thing and spoil her.
THIS.
THIS.
Actually, he sent SGD back to
Actually, he sent SGD back to her moms, because he was incapibiable of parenting her. He is still treating her the same as when she lived with us. Which is part of why I feel like I do. And SGD has 1 stepbr, 1 sister, 1 brother. If DH is being grandparent SGG isn't the only one...
They are his kids. The
They are his kids. The biological drive to love your children unconditionally is the strongest motivator out there. Think of how many parents you see on TV saying their ax murdering child was "such a nice boy".
He won't ever stop loving them unconditionally, and trying to get him to is pointless. Perhaps a healthier place to start is to stop making it so "Me vs THEM" in your mind, and start by creating some boundaries for your home that DH can also support.
That is the problem. I have
That is the problem. I have gotten him to agree to boundaries. Next thing I know he isn't home and he is sending SD over to pick up something from me. What happened to not at our house?
It is part of why I feel like I do. He can't keep his word with those 2.
My DH would do this too....
My DH would do this too.... agree to boundaries and then cave as soon as an opportunity to set a boundary came into play.
He would make every excuse in the book. It wasn't until I got him to see that breaking a boundary we agreed upon was basically the same as lying to me that he stopped.
He isn't perfect, and he does slip up, but it has gotten much better. The coreissue mine has is that he might agree in principle, but when faced with either making one of the SKids unhappy, or having to met out a punishment that makes him feel guilty he always wants to cave to avoid the negative emotions.
He can't keep his word
He can't keep his word because he is just saying what he thinks he needs to say in order to hush you up. Actions matter more than words. Regardless of what comes out of his mouth, his actions are screaming loud and clear what he intends to do.
Yes! Ask him to clarify- is
Yes! Ask him to clarify- is he just giving you lip service to shut you up while all the while planning to do what he wants, or is going back on his word to avoid feeling "bad" for making the SKids unhappy?
There have been comments
There have been comments made.
He has said " it only mattered to keep SD from SGD, and now that doesn't matter"
I told him, no. That was not it. I told you I don't care what relationship you have with her, just do it away from me and my kids. You kept her from SGD. He apparently doesn't care about that
He has told me, he sent SGD back to her moms, I could at least comprimise. This was after I came home to SD in my house.
I think his answer will depend on the day. Or who he is talking to. He has told the counselor he has tried but SD just walked. Counselor asked if he stopped it. The answer was no.