New Wife ex Wife at my wedding questions
Hi I have a question and I don't think it's gonna go over that well but I'm hoping to get some ad
vice. I'm getting married in seven months. My brother got married about 18 months ago to his second wife. Both his ex and his current wife will be attending my wedding. They have a very good relationship. Frankly I often like his ex more than I like my bro. I get along fine with his wife they have a blended family I buy for her kids when I buy for my nephews. The question is I was planning on having an area with family pics. Is it ok to include my ex sister in law? Also while my nephews will be in the wedding I didn't plan on having my step nephew in it. Do you see a problem with that? I was thinking of just asking him, he's 14, if he wanted to participate. But I think it 14 he won't want to. I initially wanted everyone's wedding pictures but I don't want to do that and make anybody's feelings hurt. I don't think it's appropriate to have pictures of his first wedding but she's also the mother to his children and I don't think it's appropriate not to recognize it so I'm leaving the wedding pictures out..
I am marrying a man with children and would not be hurt if I was in sister in laws position. I suspect I might be outside the norm though.
Thanks!
She is also my very good
She is also my very good friend and has been for twenty years. I hardly know his new wife who is quite lovely but her career and schedule make it difficult to be close to her.
^^^^ this!!!!!!!!!!!!
^^^^ this!!!!!!!!!!!!
Give the step-nephew a role
Give the step-nephew a role he doesn't have to have the same role as your nephew. There are so many different things that persons who matter to you can participate , surely there is one role you can assign him. If nothing else he could be an usher or the greeter/program hand-out as people enter.
You confused me with the pictures. " I initially wanted everyone's wedding pictures but I don't want to do that and make anybody's feelings hurt. I don't think it's appropriate to have pictures of his first wedding"...why have other people's wedding photos at your wedding/reception? That sounds just weird to me. As far as taking current photos the day of your wedding, anything can go there. Sure you can have pictures of you (and groom or just you) taken with ex SIL. You can have snaps of the nephews and their mother and another of nephews, step-nephew new sister-in-law and brother. IMO what you wouldn't want to ask for is a photo of ex SIL with brother and the nephews, but you could ask for one of just brother and nephews with you (or you/groom). There is nothing wrong with your brother bringing his own camera and taking all the individual photos he pleases...he may wish to have photos of his sister's wedding that you wouldn't particularly want or have a need for.
If you so wish to have a large group photo of 'family' for yourself, IMO having one taken including the ex SIL in it would be ok IF both women have no problem with it. You certainly don't want to offend your brother or his new wife so if one or the other has an issue with both women in the group photo, focus on getting pics of all the photos you desire of everyone in more creative ways. There should be absolutely no reason for new SIL to object to say you doing one with ex SIL and the nephews (just omit brother in that one, and one with new SIL and the nephews and even one of step-nephew and new SIL with you. You can do photos without offending people if you plan ahead and be sure to do enough photos that no one feels left out and/or boundaries crossed.Better to spend extra cash on plenty of assorted photos than have hurt feelings and drama on your wedding day.
OP mentioned that the ex SIL
OP mentioned that the ex SIL and new SIL have a good relationship. Let's hope she did consult with new SIL and brother prior to drawing up her invite to ex SIL and didn't just assume it's be dandy. Two women managing to tolerate each other civilly during exchanges, perhaps even discussing clothing needs blah blah together is a long way from meaning 'lets have one big happy family wedding event together'.
If she announces next her ex SIL is in the wedding party as brides maid and brother is best man with new SIL being seated in back row....
Thanks I don't think I was
Thanks I don't think I was clear my point was I was going to post family pictures from the past I initially wanted to do everybody's wedding picture but I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want my friend and ex-sister-in-law to be left out since she's the mother of his children. I think everyone on here is read it that I think that my ex sister-in-law should be included in family pictures. I don't really intend to have a lot of formal family pictures.
This to me is really simple.
This to me is really simple.
Your ex-SIL is a friend not family, so when you are taking family photos she is not part of them. However part of a good wedding photographer is that they take lots of photos of mixed groups to ensure people arent forgotten.
Now firstly I would ask have you spoken to your brother and his new wife about his ex being present? If they are both ok with it then go right ahead, if they are not then be careful.
The reality is your Ex-SIL has not been classed as family since she and your brother divorced, yes she may be the mother of your nephews but thats like saying your future husbands ex should be at your wedding and in the pictures because thats your step kids BM.
If you are including your nephew in the wedding you should really include the step-nephew as well, like others have said allow them to be the usher, greeting people, handing out the service guide and all that. There are a number of ways you can involve them without giving them something too difficult.
She is welcome to come to the
She is welcome to come to the wedding. I have no problems with her. I do think that's a ridiculous statement though because your point is about the man I'm marrying's ex-wife. Although they been divorced 12 years I I still think she feels as if she's lost out and I wouldn't want to put her through watching him marry somebody else.
BTW The family does not
BTW The family does not consider her their family. We are supporting her children (not his) that she had subsequent to her divorce. We are doing this because she doesn't work and the father these children is an alcoholic. The point still stands if she wanted to come to the wedding she could come I just don't see that she would want to knowing what she left behind and what she has now. I can tell you that we will invite these children to the wedding though.
I was totally unclear when I
I was totally unclear when I posted this question although I thought I was clear. I wanted to display pictures from our past and of course I would not display my brother and his first wife's wedding picture I didn't want to possibly have pictures where my ex sister-in-law was at events and would have been in the pictures.
I certainly would not mind if someone else had pictures of my ex and his children and his ex-wife posted someplace. They were together twenty years and certainly not trying to erase that.
Someone suggested I might
Someone suggested I might want to include step over bio. Not a chance I would never leave my bio nephews out I love them with every fiber of my being. Sometimes them being 15 makes that a little difficult but I do love these children. I have only seen step nephew two possibly three times in my life.
I understand they're not one big happy family. They do however get along better than most people on this board seem to with their SO exes. Both of them are happily remarried. They are Facebook Friends and also have a country club membership together.
My Point was that they are friendly enough that I can have her to the wedding with no one questioning it. I'm not going to have formal pictures of the family with everyone in it. I am likely to have a picture with my ex sister-in-law alone she's my
I am sorry I wasn't clear initially and obviously had brought up a lot of feelings and a lot of people. I am really trying to take into consideration everyone's feelings. I think I will just give new SIL a call and see what she thinks.
Good God I guess this is why
Good God I guess this is why you call this a board to vent. Everyone is so freaking negative. They act like all exes are bitches and all family members are out to get the new wife. For god sake they been married a year and I'm inviting her son to be in my wedding. I wish people would not take all their past pain on my present situation. My wedding is 40 f'ing thousand dollars. If I want ex SIL there she is going to be there.
I just spoke to new SIL her son doesn't want to be in the wedding but found a role so he can be included in the celebration. I told her I intended to invite ex SIL . She said, "you better everyone knows you're close and I would look like a petty bitch if anyone thought
I cared." I wasn't clear in my initial question but a couple of you were nice enough to give me an answer and not act like I'm a villain. I was reaching out to try to get an opinion on just having posted pictures around the place that she might be included in. I cared enough to ask. I think these boards are really for people who have real serious problems because such a minor question brought out about a lot of emotion. As far as blood being thicker than water that is a biological fact but people on these boards seem to forget this very quickly when they're talking about their own stepchildren.