So Friday was the Christmas party for SD8 and SD10. I am head room mom for SD10's class. I had weeks of preparation for this party. I came up with a craft for the kids to make, a game for them to play, and I also baked 8 dozen cookies on Thursday for both parties because BM was unable to bake anything or even send in a bag of chips, or a 2 liter, or anything.......and she had also told the skids that she would be unable to attend. Well, I get there and thankfully FH went with me because I had TONS of stuff to carry and while wearing my very cute Santa hat - I kinda looked like a younger, sexier Mrs. Claus! (If I do say so myself!) I am organizing all the food on the tables, preparing 2/3 of the class for the gift relay game I planned, and the other 1/3 of the class was over at the craft station and then we rotated groups. VERY fun and we were all laughing and having a good time. I was sweating my ass off with my hat and red sweater on (the school is always very hot) and lo and behold who comes walking in? For SD10, it could have been SANTA himself, or Hannah Montana, Miley Cyrus, or that ICarly chick? It's the BM. Of course she's EMPTY handed, but who cares? MOMMY'S HERE MOMMY'S HERE MOMMY'S HERE! (insert Ed McMahon's voice)HEEEEEEERE'S MOMMY!
The BM goes to SD10's little table and chair and kneels by her and NEVER moved. SD10 didn't even want to get up from her table and play the game I had planned. BM was messing with SD10's hair, rubbing her arm, kissing her, and talking to her while she knelt by her for at least 30 minutes. I, on the other hand, was continuing to work. I literally had to move around BM trying to make sure everyone had their food, drink, craft was drying ok, and then cleaning up - and still the BM NEVER moved.
Then it's time to leave. I am literally heart broken at this point. I've never had a feeling like this before. Extreme anger, jealousy of SD10's behavior, and my feelings felt as if they had been stomped on. We're trying to get out the door and SD10 is looking at her mommy with the saddest eyes and tugging on her arm just so she can smile at her and give her another hug. BM goes one way and we go another because we had to retrieve SD8 from her classroom (guess BM forgot she had another child) and we are walking into the parking lot and there's BM again! YEA, there's MOMMY! Can we go say bye to mommy? Sure, go ahead.
We are at the car and BM is parked pretty close so there's alot of -Bye Mommy, Love you, Call us,- and from the BM - Bye Babies, Love you, Call me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We get in the car and get home and I head straight into our garage (which is an extension of our living space with a pool table, big screen TV, and a refrigerator filled with beer and also a bar with anything you could want to make a drink and guess what I did - Made a very strong drink. Crown and Diet Coke. And then I sat down and cried. I held it together for the skids, but after they went into the house - I let go. FH came outside after getting the skids settled and threw his arms around me and said he was royally pissed at BM's behavior with me and if I wanted to I could go find her and beat her ass. I laughed hysterically at this because he knew just what I was thinking. We followed BM out of the school and she turned towards the bar (there's nothing else down that way and we knew she was going there). I wanted to go to that bar and ask her how she can go to the bar and buy BEER, but she couldn't have stopped and got SOMETHING for the party? Why did she come? She came to ruin my party, that's why. She didn't even go to SD8's classroom at all. I mean, what kind of weird parent comes to their child's room and kneels by their chair for a half hour and never speaks with other parents, never helps with clean up, doesn't even address the teacher at all, and just kneels there. Believe me, some of the other parents were looking at me, then her, then me, then her - and there was sadness for me and a little confusion at what exactly the BM was doing. She was the ONLY parent that showed up empty handed.
Okay ladies - I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW she is the MOM. The skids love her with everything they have. I can't change that, nor do I want to. But I spent weeks planning the party, spent loads of money on the party, and BM shows up and I am chopped liver. I was head room mom for my own children and never once did my own children say afterwards "Thank you mommy for planning the best party EVER!" I didn't get a thank you at all from my own children and I'd say that's the norm. As a mom, you don't ever really expect thanks and a show of gratitude and appreciation, but you do hope from your own children that they remember the times you did throw that great party. Do you know what my skids will remember? The time BM showed up at their Christmas party. When asked who their room mother was who threw that great party, I doubt they'll remember.
But anyway, I was not mad at the skids. Were my feeling hurt? YES.
Do I want to be head room mom anymore? NO. I simply feel like I cannot put "myself" out there anymore. I feel as if I have invited the pain into my own life by "doing too much". But the catch 22 in this situation is although BM comes to every party (just to make an appearance like a rock star), she will never bring/contribute anything else other than herself and that will always be enough. If I quit being a room mom, I believe that BM will NEVER show up to another party. She never showed up before me and that's why the skids are SOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited to see her when she does. So, all my hard work is only forcing BM to become a BETTER mommy in the skids' eyes, but us adults, we know the REAL reason. She has to come and show me up and she doesn't even have to stay up till midnight baking cookies to do so. (That effing biotch.)
So, I may give up my role as "Super Step MOM".
Anyway, on a good note, I ran into the BM on Saturday while out with my sister and I told her what a useless bag of crap I think she is and she ran straight to call my FH to tell him that we need to sit down and have a talk because I was talking "shit" about her to my sister (I was and loud enough for her to hear) and when FH asked her what I was saying and the BM told him that I was saying that she was a useless mother, and that she is nasty, and her house is nasty, etc............FH asked her if anything I said wasn't true and the BM hung up. So, kudos for FH.
Ladies, I know it was petty. I am 42 and pretty damned dignified, but after a couple years of hearing the crap BM has said about me (which she made up) and me taking the "high road", it was time for me to wallow around in the gutter for a few minutes with her. I felt better afterwards. And I NEEDED that.
Sorry, I know this was extremely long and for all of you who read all of this - Thank you, Bless you, and I am not looking fishing for anything here. Post all opinions - good or bad.
Hope everyone has a wonderful holiday.