Looking for Advice...
Long story short: SS11 doesn't do well in school and DH nor BM are taking this seriously. All outsiders say that using an extra-curricular activity will help motivate SS11. I am willing to try anything. I signed him up for recreational football. DH & I sat down with him and explained he had to up hold his school responsibilities to be allow to participate. DH works out of town so I will be the one taking SS11 to practices. We are in the first week of homework and SS11 has not done any homework. I leave it up to DH to check SS11's agenda and homework (I am partially disengaged)...he has not checked either all week. There are 3 assignments due tomorrow, that I am sure will not get completed. The first football meeting is Monday. If SS11 doesn't complete assignments what would you do? Would you still attend the meeting & have SS11 sit on the sidelines and not participate if they end up practicing or would you not show up at all and risk being removed from the roster?
"SS11 doesn't do well in
"SS11 doesn't do well in school and DH nor BM are taking this seriously."
If his parents aren't taking it seriously, your hands are pretty much tied. You absolutely cannot be more involved and invested in this kid than his own parents are, not and keep your sanity!
I wish I was made like
I wish I was made like that...I would stress much less if that was the case...but I am not. & honestly it's for very selfish reasons. I need him to be educated & prepared for life so that he isn't dependent on DH & I forever. I know that it's DH & BM's responsibility, but I will suffer in the end if he is left to his own raising & education.
^^^^^^ EXACTLY ^^^^^^ It's to
^^^^^^ EXACTLY ^^^^^^
It's to your credit that you care about his education, but I tell you from experience that unless his actual parents care at least as much as you do, nothing you do will make any difference in the long term.
Let his parents fail. They will figure out how to do better, if for no other reason than the school will force them to. But if you step in how and keep them from failing, they will learn nothing and then when this kid is in high school he will seriously be beyond helping. Honestly, it's in the best interests of both your marriage AND SS himself to force his parents to step up to the plate here.
I hear this sentiment... get
I hear this sentiment... get them prepared and fully launched
He should show up and sit on
He should show up and sit on the sidelines. Not going isn't going to teach him much. If he's forced to go there and then not allowed to participate...well, that's time he can't spend doing something else. It's boring to just sit there.
^^^^^^^^Probably the best
^^^^^^^^Probably the best thing you can do considering you're not the parent.
I also wonder if she's just a
I also wonder if she's just a babysitter, cook, maid and sex partner to him. A lot of guys remarry with those as the primary reasons.
DH & I don't have children
DH & I don't have children together. I don't know why I feel responsible for this child...he has caused a lot of turmoil in our home. I guess part of it is that there are 3 other children in the home that "follow the rules" and this one kid will not conform & I don't want him to have an effect on the other 3.
DH & I discussed this last night. DH says and I quote "He has too much of BM's DNA and nothing we do is going to change him". I see DH's point. BM doesn't have an education past jr high, she doesn't have her own home or vehicle and depends on everyone else (her family & her husband's family) to get through life. DH has it in his head that SS11 will be just like her no matter how hard we try to change him.
Is he right? Is there an age in children where you say "I've done all I can do for you"...if so, is 11 (12 in two weeks) old enough to know if you are going to be able to make a difference or if it's time to give up? Should I keep encouraging DH to at least continue trying? If not, how do I resolve within myself to just let go???
I couldn't be with a man so
I couldn't be with a man so lazy he gave up on his child aged 11 using a crap excuse, simply because he couldn't be bothered to act like a parent.
God help you during the teenage years.