Should I give sd back?
So...sd6 is really aggravating me with little things that she does and showing the way she is, because mil has raised her...it may not be her fault but, im pretty sure shes not going to change and because of that i dont think ill ever fully be happy...there's no way I can ever love her the way I love my son or niece or nephew. It's really strange because I'm usually really good with kids. Sigh maybe it's just me...maybe it's just me wanting to be her actual mom and get some of the credit I think I deserve...? I do everything and anything a mother does, pretty much do for her what I do for my bs4, but I don't think I will ever be mil good enough ya know? That's why I think I should stop trying and just give her back to her "real mother"...her grandma...mil...I don't know if this is worth it anymore...
She's self-centered, conceited, attention-needy in any way seriously doesn't matter if people feel bad for her acknowledge her or think she's cute she just wants fucking attention, she talks back, wants everything like she needs it, wants everyone to like and be like her but she has to dictate what everyone has to do and how to do it...I love DH I really do, it just sucks that he snoozed and let his mother take over and raised her...now it's impossible to be anywhere near her anymore...she's nothing like him, quiet, humble, shy, wise...sigh...really sucks...I don't know how to deal with her while being a mother to my son! I'm a stay at home mom too so maybe this will pass once they start school...who knows...I sure don't...I just need help...
I'm really close to telling DH to just take her everyday to her grandma...wouldn't everyone be happy??
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It may save my sanity now
It may save my sanity now but...what about later?? Will it just get worse? I'm sure DH won't want to do it...
DH is definitely not
DH is definitely not happy...fuck...what have I done...
Forreal! ^ My SD6 gets
Forreal! ^
My SD6 gets aggravates me too sometimes.
I just don't like what she's been becoming and I know it's mostly BM's fault - not SD's.
But when she's being a pain in the ass and I'm tired and stressed out from doing it all or repeating myself, I yell at DH to parent his kid.
Your DH needs to step up
Why are you or MIL the only
Why are you or MIL the only options???? The kid has a father. It's his responsibility not raise his kid. Handing her off to his mother should never be an option.
Your husband may be a great man and spouse, but if he isn't the first name on the list of people to raise HIS kid, then he's an awful father.
I did something terrible...it
I did something terrible...it just flew out of my mouth...I told him that...I hated his daughter...and now...fuck...I don't know what to do...at all...I apologized but it's still fucked up that I said it..He asked how bad can six year old be and that she loves me and needs me and just makes me seem like such a terrible person and like I'm making shit up...I'm not...she's exactly what I mentioned above and more...
This morning I asked him if we could try again, that I would somehow try to get along with his daughter...then he tells me that he wants me to do it because I want to do it for the sake of sd and my relationship...I want to hang myself...I told him I would do it for him...sigh...he says that's not enough, that I have to want to for myself and her...he said "I'll give you some time to think..." what the hell?!
WOW That's a deal breaker for
WOW
That's a deal breaker for many parents. If I were in his shoes, I'd thank and respect you for being honest with me. However, that would not stop me from taking steps to end the marriage.
The thing is that he works
The thing is that he works and needs someone to look after her...before his mother used to do it but she's been raising her to be the brat I mentioned...so when we got together I told him I would take care of her since I could also take care of my son. I had no idea what I was really getting into, at all. We have talked about it before, that it bothered me that I was always angry with her around and even when she wasn't around I was worrying about what mil would be filling her head with because whenever she came back, she always acted different; snotty and bratty again, or even more so.
And BM is useless worthless and uncaring when it comes to sd6. When it comes to DH and me she pulls all stops but does nothing whatsoever for her daughter.
Why not put your son in the
Why not put your son in the Illinois pre-school program that runs out of the public schools? And at six years old SD should be in kindergarten/first grade age...isn't she attending school?
With both children in learning situations, you yourself could go back to work and get out of the house and MIL wouldn't be needed any longer to watch SD.
THIS Both kids can attend an
THIS
Both kids can attend an after school program or day care when school is out.
Sending that child to live
Sending that child to live with the MIL should not be an option.
The OP and her husband should find a way to make this work that doesn't involve tossing his or her kid out of the home or just walk away the relationship. The 6 year old should not have to go live with grandma in order to make dad's marriage work.
Neither of them have started
Neither of them have started school yet...they will but school hasn't started over here...
His mother used to have her full time because he let her take over since sd was a baby...and she wasn't going to just let it go so easily, sd is her only granddaughter and she's never had a daughter so she saw the opportunity and took it. It wasn't til I came into the picture 4-5years later and started questioning things and supporting him knowing very well that he could actually be a great dad. Idunno why but he was scared to not be able to be a good enough dad to sd because of everything mil would say to him and directly to and in front of sd. I'm sure it didn't start out that way but soon she was the one controlling everything in sd's life and DH didn't and couldn't have a say whatsoever.
He made a huge mistake and hes made a lot of progress but sd hasnt...and, now, I don't know how to handle her! Because of that...our marriage is on the line...I know school is going to start soon and I've been cooped up in this house with both kids...
DH feels bad for sd...I did at first but, now I'm very much past that stage. If that's how he wants to raise her then he should not have her here with me because let me tell you that my son has been through a lot of bullshit as well but that doesn't mean I'd be doing him any favors not disciplining him right.
I'm saying that maybe, just
I'm saying that maybe, just maybe, since mil raised her to be this way, and me not knowing how to be around her, that mil watch her instead. I don't know. I don't know what the fuck to do! She's a difficult kid...as is mine, except that he's mine...she isn't...
BM fortunately is not in the picture at all...she keeps saying she's going to give up her rights as her mom but I highly doubt it...hasn't seen her since January, and hasn't been to visitation since last October...
I keep telling him to keep asking about changing his schedule because he works nights, or to look for another place altogether and he says no one is hiring right now...he's stubborn, probably more than me, and that's saying a lot...
I want to be happy, I want us all to be happy but...right now...I'm not...and...it's because of sd...because I've realized who and how she really is and I can't change her, no one can...it's sad but what am I supposed to do? Suck it up and go insane? Be angry with her all the time? Feel like I'm being the "evil stepmother" and I never wanted to be that...wtf...
I'm really trying to explain
I'm really trying to explain everything and hoping he understands it from my point of view (as well as everyone else's, people have noticed how difficult and annoying she is)
It's hard...seriously...her
It's hard...seriously...her grandma has taught her too well I guess...she's got some character...if that's what you want to call it...
You say both kids are
You say both kids are difficult. What would you do if your husband told you he hates your son, no longer wants to support him, and wants him out of the home?
That's why I was willing to
That's why I was willing to leave because I knew that if he ever said anything like that about my son, I would be leaving, broken hearted but, leaving all the same...he doesn't want me to leave even though I told him I understood...