And this is why I can't stand the ExH
Get a text from him today asking if I have plans for the kids for the fourth because he'd like to take them somewhere.
Um. Yes. I do have plans.
You had them last year and I have then this year and I've been looking forward to some fun: whether it's at our house, a friends house or even going out of town.
He had already sent a text clarifying the summer pick up schedule noting that he's bring the kids at 8:30 am on Fridays since Thursday evenings are his.
I suggested that we meet at the local parade and do the switch there with the kids - unless he wants to stick with the 8:30 drop off he previously suggested.
Why does it bug me so much?
I constantly bend for this man. - give him more time so the kids can do fun things or see his family that he failed to make proper arrangements with.
I'm holding my ground on this one even though my plans are NOT YET in stone. The 4th falls on my time this year and I will enjoy it with my children. Our custody is about 60/40 but I always give in - whether it's the family cruise, or the visit to see his mom, or his mom is in town..
I want to say "no more" but I also want my kids to have the best of both worlds - which I know is not doing them any favors.
Ugh!!!! How do you all handle this?
- step off already's blog
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Comments
Well he will continue to do
Well he will continue to do it because, well, he can. And you offer him extra time with the kids so he thinks he may as well ask.
So say no. Just 'No". Not that you have plans (none of his business). Not that you may be doing some4thing else. Just be nice and say "No." There is no need to be a bitch about it. As defined by the custody plan he signed you alternate years. This year is yours.
I think you are doing a wonderful job not being THAT BM so just continue. He will get a clue eventually ... or not. And he will keep asking. Just say "No".
"I want to say "no more" but
"I want to say "no more" but I also want my kids to have the best of both worlds - which I know is not doing them any favors."
I am not sure i follow. What is not doing them any favors?
How about some reframing? Your kids have a father who wants to spend time with them, values the relationship they have with his mother, makes plans for them ( not always graciously and at times steps on your toes) - but where is the harm in all that? He seems to love having them around. They are very lucky.
If I were you ( or if i were me) i would give them to their dad whenever and wherever, as long as it did not upset the whole apple cart of plans set in stone ( trips, big events). The rest of it - if you have a good working relationship - who cares about whose turn it is? Do you enjoy adult time? Having some freedom is so great - it's a win/win. Kids get the best of both worlds, you get a break.
I will trade you my exH for yours. I can't convince mine to take both my kids for one measly week this summer. One week that i want to go away without the kids. 1 out of 52. He won't take them. Yours is a good problem to have.