I feel like she lied and it really bothers me...
On our way to a social function early this afternoon, my DH asked SD10 what she had for breakfast. She told him that she had cereal. Now, normally, I would have just let this answer be, but I'm the one who handles dishes, etc. This morning, the dishwasher was full of clean dishes, and had the "clean" sign on it, and there were a few dirty but rinsed dishes in the sink that I put in the dishwasher once I unloaded the clean ones. There were no "kid" bowls that I loaded, and st about that time, SD brought over last night's cup and put it in the dishwasher. I feel like she was not being truthful in her answer and it burns me up.
I brought it up to DH and he said he'd handle it. I asked if he did, and he said that she told him she ate cereal out of the box and that she didn't want milk. And he believes this. I just said "oh. That's a first" I don't want to start a fight, but I really don't believe her. No crumbs, no mess, no evidence of having eaten cereal out of a box. (Yes, I'm like a damn detective.) I feel like I shouldn't have said anything, because it just turns into me being the bad guy.
I want to clarify that I have observed SD in many, many situations like this over the years, and this is only the second time I have brought it to DH's attention. I always felt like I'd be accused of "picking on" SD, but DH told me that he would handle things if it came up. First time she told him that she "didn't remember" telling the lie. I also want to make clear that SD lied to her mom (and was never corrected) a couple of years back twice telling her that DH and I told her she couldn't call her mom. She has also told her mom that I'm "meeeeeaaaan" to her, and she also told her mom that I spanked her, which BM then called the cops. SD WAS NEVER CORRECTED FOR THE LIES ABOUT ME TO BM. IT WAS NEVER ADDRESSED. So, hopefully you can all understand where I'm coming from with this, and why I don't think the DH is handling this appropriately. To me, this isn't a lie about breakfast, it's another chance to get away with it and build her dishonest side that much stronger. Lies, big and small erode away at a person's character, and as you all well know, can have devastating effects on the family as a whole.
Am I being too dramatic? Do I need to slow my roll? I just feel like every time this shit happens, I regress emotionally back to the place of intense hurt when BM lodges child abuse allegations against me. I need a dose of reality from my Steps.
And before y'all bash my DH,
And before y'all bash my DH, he has mad SO many improvements over the past 4 years since we introduced our kids. He has really stepped up his parenting and shed most of his "Disney" side. I am the more firm/stern/structured one. I tend to be a bit more rigid, he's a little more "fun".
She's not juvenile delinquent
She's not juvenile delinquent status. She's conflict averse, gives the answer that she "thinks" is the "right" (I.e. the one she won't get flack for, or the one that will satisfy someone). I truly don't believe she is malicious, but when it comes to lies, it should be addressed, ESPECIALLY given the types of lies she has told ABOUT people (just me, that I know of), not TO people. I feel she needs to be taught that the only "right" answer is the truth, and that there can be consequences for telling lies. She is a super sweet kid, but this one thing just won't stop bothering me.
I do try to disengage, for the most part. I try to keep my opinions and thoughts to myself, unless either asked or if something will effect me and/or my BD6. The reason I brought this up, is because the lying is an EXTREMELY sensitive topic for me, which I feel could have an effect on my life in the future. It also doesn't help that I know for a fact that her BM has an extremely casual relationship with the truth, so I don't trust that SD is being shown a very good example 50% of her life. Her mother, the most influential person in her life, is an extremely dishonest and manipulative person. I feel if DH doesn't keep on top of things (like suspicious status), SD is gonna turn out like BM, and it makes me sad.
Don't we all tell white lies
Don't we all tell white lies and try to avoid confrontations. Until she starts showing symptoms of a eating disorder who cares?
Perhaps she ate your Valentines Day chocolates. }:)
Thanks, Steps! I'm glad I
Thanks, Steps!
I'm glad I didn't push the issue. DH and I are happily relaxed and watching Dateline NBC in bed.
I could have instigated a nasty dispute. Writing helped get it out and I appreciate the honesty in your replies.