Hope and kidness through fear and dread
I've just been having a tough time mentally and emotionally from learning of my pregnancy. I appreciate all of your kindness on my last blog. DH got me to go talk to a therapist it was good for that hour but the fear and dread and worry just kept taking over my mind. Something happened to me yesterday that I just have to share. I went into a gas station to buy some trail mix. On the way in there was a poster of a missing teenage girl. I just started to tear up. Wondering to myself how I could bring my child into such a cruel world. This older lady touched my shoulder me. She was so sweet and sincere. She told me not to cry and whatever it was to just put it in God's hands. I'm not the most religious person but that touched my heart. When I got home I looked up acts of kindness on the web and just read about the good in the world. If you have any acts of kindness you would like to share with me I would like that. I just want to focus on the positives and not the bad in the world. DH thinks I'm all hormones but its more its deep deep fear and dread of pregnancy and birth and I'm just trying to think of anything good.
It just doesn't seem like I'm suppose to be pregnant like its just unreal to me. DH and my parents are so excited yet I'm fearful. I feel guilty that there are other women who can't conceive and would fill with joy at becoming pregnant but here I am losing my mind over it. I just don't want to deal with pain and possible complications. I know I shouldn't think negative but my mind just goes there. I just want to bring my child up to be a good person but with all of the bad influences in the world today it scares me. All of you moms and stepmoms just please give me a little hope. IF your kids or steps actually grew up to be decent people please share that with me and tell me how you instilled that into them. I just want positivity. Some of your comments on my last blog scared the crap out of me and some of them gave me hope. I'm really glad I found this site. Peace and love to everyone on this board.
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Comments
Meditation sounds really nice
Meditation sounds really nice to me. Thank you for the suggestion. I really hope my kids grows to be sweet and loving like yours and my step daughters.
I can't offer any of my own
I can't offer any of my own anecdotal warm fuzzies about step life because I have none, but I can talk about other acts of kindness I've witnessed recently.
1. I went to a diner in a small town with DH one day and when an older couple went up to the cash register to pay for their meal, the server told them the guy ahead of them already paid for them. They asked who he was but nobody knew.
2. A young kid rear-ended me in traffic one evening and we got out of our cars, looked at the damage, and then I said "it's ok, let's just forget about it". Partly because I dgaf about dings and scratches on bumpers...that's what they are for, right? But mostly because I bigger problems and squabbling over a dent seemed petty and meaningless. He started crying and asked if he could give me a hug. It had been a while since anyone had shown him any mercy.
3. Animals are capable of displaying out of the ordinary kindness too. I had a bad day yesterday and I couldn't stop crying. My cat who is usually standoffish and aloof stayed glued to my side the whole evening. I mean, he practically galloped to stay by me when I walked. He would jump up to get as close to eye level as he could and just look at me with earnest. He has never done that before. He stayed on my lap the whole night.
I'm usually hyper-focused on negativity and my own anxieties, so thank you for posting this request. These are just the things that jumped into my mind first but it reminded me to be more aware of the good things in life. I'm going to spend the rest of the day thinking about this.
That just made me glow inside
That just made me glow inside reading this. I hope you do continue to think of the positives the rest of the day as well as myself.
Have you talked to your
Have you talked to your doctor about the anxiety? I was scared when I was pregnant with my baby boy even though I tried for ten years to have him. Omg he is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
I'm pregnant now again and scared for different reasons.
I was scared of birth then..and honestly I am scared now too, I had c-section and have to have c-section again. I try not to think about it. It's scary but it is over fast and that tiny little face is so worth any and all!
aswang I really hope that my
aswang I really hope that my child does change the world in a great way. That makes me so hopeful.
And now I'm crying even
And now I'm crying even harder and not because of hormones but because that was such a beautiful thing to read. And thank you for reminding me that God knows my heart. Also congrats to your DH for surviving your pregnant rage.