Need some advice - PLEASE!
We're going around and around again. DH and I are arguing about the birth control bill issue - yet again! He says that I need to clarify with everyone his version of what REALLY happened.
The first time the bill came in, I gave it to DH to give to SD to pay. He did that. A month passed. The second time, the bill came in the mail on a Thursday. I immediately texted DH at his job to let him know that this bill arrived again. He said he would disucuss it with SD. I put the bill in an envelope, addressed it to SD, and mailed it before DH got home the same day.
He says I should have waited for him to get home before I mailed it. DH says that since SD and I never talk, that by doing this I undermined his ability to deal with this situation on his own with his daughter. He says that I knew that this would cause a reaction with SD and BM being that I was the one who sent it.
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oh please! you didn't do
oh please! you didn't do anything wrong!if sd is old enough for birth control I think sd and bm can handle a piece of mail coming their way. Next time throw it in the trash and say nothing! you will always be in the wrong no matter what you do.
How did you undermine his
How did you undermine his ability to deal with the situation? Presumably DH will have a chance to call her before the mail arrives? And how will they know you posted it? DNA traces?
You can't undermine his ability to deal with the situation because clearly he has no such ability in the first place.
OMG - this is silly. You
OMG - this is silly. You put something in the mail??? How awful!!! By putting a stamp on an envelope you've ruined his parental relationship!!! Seriously?
NMF, did you ask him how
NMF, did you ask him how *he* would've handled the situation then?
___________________________________________________________________________
“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.”
Your dh is reacting this way
Your dh is reacting this way cause you know what? He's gonna get the heat now from SD and Bm for you mailing. And that just shows how immature those two adults are and how your dh is still under their thumb. Tell your dh to grow some balls like i've told my dh before and tell him they are two adult woman who can handle anyone mailing a bill to them. Next time, like another poster said, throw it in the trash and say nothing if this is how he is going to act. LlKE A DOG WITH HIS TAIL IN BETWEEN HIS BALLESS LEGS.!
If SD paid the bill int he first place you wouldn't have to send it and if HE took care of it in the first place you wouldnt' have to step in.
CUt everything off for sd and be done. She's an adult. Any bill that gets sent, make it clear to your dh, you will send it if you feel like it and if sd doens' like it , then it goes int he trash. tell them all to GROW UP!
This sounds like he's just
This sounds like he's just trying to spread some blame because he actually has no clue of how to handle the situation. Because really, SD and BM don't have to know you mailed it. When he does call SD to discuss whatever it was he planned to discuss, he can simply DISCUSS "the bill, that I've forwarded to you in the mail".
Good idea vick, but that
Good idea vick, but that won't work. DH is the primary on the insurance so everything comes here. That's also the reason why we had to pay it. It's under DH's name so if it goes to collections, it will ruin his/our credit, not hers. Funny how that works out great for her, huh?
Not true, unless she is a
Not true, unless she is a minor. I worked for a credit reporting agency for 6 years. If she is 18, its her bill, no matter whose insurance she is on, even if she is a student over 18.
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"
Awwww, are you serious?!?!?
Awwww, are you serious?!?!? Where were you last month??? Dang!
I don't see that you did
I don't see that you did anything wrong by sending a bill. I send bills, reimbursements, etc to both BM's. If they don't like it tough!!! If DH don't like it then tough!!! DH doesn't say a word and neither do either BM's though. If they did they both know that if DH was sending the child support, etc that it would never get there or would be extremely late. They have no problem sending bills and addressing it to both myself and DH. Even if has just DH's name on it I still open it. I tell him about it let him read it and I handle it from there. That is ridiculous for DH to say anything to you about sending a bill to SD. I agree with the above postsssss, if SD is old enough for Birth Control, then she is old enough to receive the bill. If BM thinks she is old enough for Birth Control, then she should be ready to get the bill also. Call the Doctor's office and remove everything out of DH's name. Tell them he is NOT responsible for the bills and that they need to be placed in SD's name and mailed directly to her. My Skids are still minors, but the insurance carried is in the SD's names with my DH is just the person paying the premium. That way we do not receive the bill, their mother's do and we get an email from the ins co. stating the claim has been filed. I can guarantee that when they are 18 insurance will be dropped unless BM wants to put herself as the responsible party for the coverage, bills, etc. Oh I could go on and on. The crap that stepmom's put up with from BM's on a regular basis is ridiculous in itself then to have a DH not be on your side or go behind your back is a NO NO in my book! Your DH needs to open his EYES and take the blinders off!!
Tell DH that if he had the
Tell DH that if he had the capability of taking care of this there never would have been a second bill to forward! In over a month he had not followed thorugh on this! He may have had an intial discussion with SD but he should have followed up to make sure the bill was paid timely and he obviously did not.
You took absolutely no parental authority away from him by mailing it! He still could have handled it before she recieved it. However, since he paid it so quickly and was so upset that you sent the bill to her I suspect that he always intended to pay it for her! You seem to be the only one that was not told this??? Again with the trust issue!
By the way did he ever tell her she was to no longer fill prescriptions via mail so that this could not happen again? Since co pays are to paid at the time of pick up at all drug stores stopping the mail order option for her would have put a quick end to this co pay problem.
What is more strange is the fact that he can not seem to let this go! Is there more to this or is there something about him that we don't know ( control freak perhaps?) as I agree from what has been written too much time seems to be spent arguing over this.
I wish I could contact the
I wish I could contact the doctor's office and have all of our info removed, but I don't know which doctor or location she goes to. It's a medical group with about 20 different locations in the area. Fortunately for us, she lost coverage in early July when she got out of school, one week after she ordered the pills. So she knew she wouldn't be ordering from them ever again and even though she also knew she couldn't pay it, it was no skin off her back. Everything was in DH's name so she knew he'd be responsible for it.
And you're right Longtime! I told DH that exact thing. If the bill was handled the first time, she wouldn't have to receive it the second time. Not my problem. But I was actually the one who wrote the check for the bill. After BM called here and screamed at DH over the phone, I lost it. In order to keep her from having ANY excuse to call here again, I paid it. SD was supposed to pay it back (LOL) but that's not going to happen. I'm just writing it off as part of her Christmas gift. I didn't know that the mail-order option could be cancelled for a member. I wish I had known that because I would have done that the first time this happened earlier this year. The reason he can't let it go is because it's his opinion that I 'butted-in' when he was taking care of it with SD. Apparently, as history has proven, he is unable to take care of it with her.
It's getting cold outside, I
It's getting cold outside, I say collect the bills and start a fire!
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
I'm confused as to why this
I'm confused as to why this is an issue.
The fact that you're concerned with mail for SD confuses me.
The fact that your H/BM/SD are pissy that you forwarded her mail confuses me.
Frankly it sounds like Mt St Helens out of a molehill.
Because she expected THEM to
Because she expected THEM to pay the bill that was enclosed in the mail. For her birthcontrol pills. That she ordered KNOWING she couldn't afford to pay for them. SHe is 20 years old... I wouldn't want to pay for her sex life either.
I had to go back a few threads to get the whole story too... I was confused. I think I got it now.
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
His daughter is 20 years
His daughter is 20 years old. Hello. If I were him I'd be embarassed by my daughter is an adult that couldn't afford to pay for her own meds. However, I would want him to pay because irresponsible people like her shouldn't procreate! He is enabling her laziness. He should be trying to get her to act more responsibly.
I agree, BF should be
I agree, BF should be footing the bill.
Of course, if she can't afford the birth control, how is she going to afford the kid she'll have without it?
"To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there." ~Barbara Bush
When DH says you undermined
When DH says you undermined his ability to deal with this situation on his own, what he really meant was you undermined his ability to AVOID A CONFRONTATON with SD and BM.
BINGO!!!
BINGO!!!
Hahaha. KarmaQueen, you are
Hahaha. KarmaQueen, you are SO right.
Sounds like my DH. When he
Sounds like my DH. When he thinks he is right about something he wants me to agree, even if I still think he is wrong. So, alot of the time I say yea you are right just to shut him up! We see alot of things differently. If your DH wants his credit to go to crap then so be it. Leave the bills that come in his name on the counter unopened and when he has things go into collection it will be his own fault. Then maybe he will appreciate the fact that you forwarded the bill onto his daughter who is old enough and capable enough of paying bills that she created! SD just sounds irresponsible. Write the doctor's office a letter and tell them that DH is not responsible for SD being she is OF AGE to pay her own bills.