What are your summer schedules/what has worked best?
Currently, my SO gets his daughter for 8 consecutive weeks in the summer. He got to pick which weeks and had to tell BM by March. Well, he let her know in plenty of time and she agreed to the dates, and now he's being taken back to court to change this part of the agreement. From what I understood, she wants 2 weeks with him, 2 weeks with her and so on instead of the 8 consecutive. She currently lives out of state but will be living where we live for the summer. This will take away time from him if it happens, because summer is only so long and he will not be able to get 8 weeks total. This agreement is less than a year old, and like I said, BM already agreed to the dates and what was going to happen...and now this. SO seems to think the court won't give it to her (at least for this summer, maybe next), but I don't know?
I kind of think it's more traumatizing to the little girl to go back and forth so much. She adjust within the first week she's with us and usually mostly stops asking for mommy by then. To me, it would be better for her to be there the entire 8 weeks and then go back, rather than so much back and forth and having no time to get comfortable in one place. Am I wrong here?
Just looking for opinions and what is working with your schedules.
we have tried it all. Per the
we have tried it all. Per the order we are to exchange weekly (kids live with DH and I normally, BM gets 6 weeks total). We have done every two weeks, we have done six full weeks with BM, and this year are going back to the court order of every other.
Yes it sucks for the kids to travel so much. In our situation it is about neglect and violence, so it is safer for the kids to not be in her home for a long period of time. But our situation is extreme.
As a COD myself, and if you situation is normal and the parents are all healthy, sane individuals, I would prefer to do two weeks on and off or like 3 and 1 and 3 or something. While I get what you are saying about the child calming down, it can be hard for a young child to go THAT long without seeing the other parent. But I dont think it is hurtful per say, especially if you can skype or something. As a child I always did 6 straight with my biodad. It was nice, but by the end of it I was so ready to go home that I think i missed out on some quality time with him.
I imagine a judge would like quality time with both so would do a 2 week back and forth or something. You are right tho-- summers are getting shorter and shorter so getting all your time will be harder.
We do 8 weeks in the summer
We do 8 weeks in the summer but not consecutive. 4 weeks with DH, 1 week with BM, 4 weeks with DH. If the summer is longer than 9 weeks, the extra time is split between DH &BM evenly. So if it's 11 weeks, 5 weeks with DH, 2 weeks with BM, 4 weeks with DH.
I also forgot to mention
I also forgot to mention that, mostly because of the distance that BM lives from us, this is SO's biggest chunk of having his daughter. The only other time she's here for longer than a week is right after Christmas. So the summer is important to him, and his family. She is essentially taking more time away from an already very small amount of custody.
However, I could see the 8 weeks but every other weekend with BM being reasonable. That would allow him his big chunk of time, but still satisfy BM's need to see her during that time. And he would only lose 8 days total.
yeah I agree with this. If
yeah I agree with this. If the only visits he gets are summer and say Christmas--- then that is a totally different conversation
He gets 2 weeks starting the
He gets 2 weeks starting the day after Christmas, every other Thanksgiving (this year he will not have her), 5 days during spring break, and he travels to BM's state for the week of the little girls birthday. So this year, after her birthday, he will not have her for 3 months. Then after Christmas, he will not have her until March. Very big gaps. So yes, he wants to fight the 2 week trade offs.
I just told him about the EOWE during the 8 weeks, and he said he could manage that. So I guess if the court has to change something, that will be what he will try for. BM is not very good with compromise, so we will see. I have told him countless times that I believe she will continue to take him to court until she has almost, if not full custody. Basically try to beat him down until he gives up.
Why not extend it to 9 weeks
Why not extend it to 9 weeks if it is going to EOWE for mom? That way in reality he would only lose out on a day or two opposed to a week. If he wants to see his daughter I would be willing to compromise but only losing a few days instead of pretty much saying yes I will give up 8 days with no benefit for him.
Our schedule does not
Our schedule does not change...there might be every once in a while DH may get a extra day but no extreme changes. Mind you our schedule is BM gets SS for 3 weeks, then the 3 weeks DH is home we get him the first and last week and then he goes back to BM, rinse and repeat. There is no reason for us to change anything. I can say it can be hard week on, week off but since things have settled with BM the transition for SS isn't that bad and it may only last about 30 minutes because DH will remind him which house he is at.
DF picks his girls up at 5:30
DF picks his girls up at 5:30 on June 28 and returns them at 5:30 on July 31.
They drop the EOWE in the summer. Once they go home on the 31, they don't return until the weekend after Labor Day.
I love this set up. It makes it easy for us to plan vacations. It allows us plenty of time to enjoy the summer as a couple.
We do the two weeks on/two
We do the two weeks on/two off that we do during the rest of the year. It looks like SS14 will be in summer school this year, so who knows what this year will be like.
I wasn't going to add this
I wasn't going to add this originally, but since you asked about money, she is also asking for more. She chose to move out of state, and the current agreement says she must pay all her own travel expenses when she brings the child down to my SO. There is only one time in the year he has to go up there, and she must pay half of HIS expenses then (she still owes him that for his last trip, 6 months ago). She is saying she doesn't have enough money to continue to do this, and wants more money from him. This is another thing he will fight.
It's a joke to be concerned
It's a joke to be concerned about a child being away from Mommy for that long, when the child is already away from Daddy for much longer. Is Mommy made of gold? She sounds like a golden uterus. Or just a plain flake. Either way, I wouldn't anticipate the judge giving her what she wants now when they haven't even tried out what they already signed off on.
We do every other week during
We do every other week during the summer with an exchange time of 5pm on Sundays. BM lives about 45 minutes away from us and sometimes she wont bring them to summer sports practices or games because she says its too far away. But other than that it works out reasonably well.