I keep telling my DH that SD11 NEEDS COUNSELING. Her behavior is getting more and more disturbing (refusing to use deodorant, refusing to brush teeth, refusing to use toilet paper).

Now, she's inhaling nail polish. I figured it out because I thought it was weird that 1)she was always leaving bottles of nail polish in her bathroom by the toilet, but her nails were never painted. 2)She would go sit in the bathroom, in the dark, and just sit in there quietly for 10 or 20 minutes at a time.

One of those times, I went into that bathroom right after she came out. It reeked of nail polish and the bottles weren't really closed. I took note of it and watched her, and she kept doing it--sitting in the bathroom in the dark for 10 minutes or longer, she'd come out, I'd check bathroom, same situation. I told DH then that I suspected she was sniffing it and he blew it off saying that "kids just do that".

Well, the other day I "accidentally" opened the bathroom door one of the times that I knew she was in there. She had the toilet lid down, sitting on it like a chair, with the nail polish bottle RIGHT under her nostril. She looked panicked, closed nail polish, and ran to her room.

I waited a bit and then gently talked to her, asked why she was doing it. She lied and covered it up. I told her I KNEW she was inhaling that nail polish and had been doing it for a while. She still lied. I told her that sniffing chemicals is dangerous--that people get addicted to those things, make themselves sick, and can die. SHe seemed unmoved.

I told DH about this behavior and he STILL is telling me it's "normal kid stuff". No, it's not normal for an 11 year old to be secretly inhaling nail polish for 10-20 minutes, sometimes 30 minutes!!

Please help--how do I handle this? I mean her own mother died of drug overdose (she was addicted to pain meds and Xanax). Her father refuses to admit that addictive behaviors run in families and that DH11 is at risk for being an addict. He also says he will not ever tell her the truth about her mother--but I kind of think at this point she REALLY needs to know the truth. She resents us because we wouldn't let her see her mother the last 2 years she was alive because she was sick and couldn't take care of her...and the woman DID have cancer, but she was in remission. She DIED of drug overdose! I keep telling DH if he told her about the drugs and explained that THAT was why she couldn't see her mother, it would be hard on her for sure, but she'd learn why we wouldn't let her go see her and stop resenting us.

Please help, how can I handle this?