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I understand it's Christmas but.............geez, grow a spine

Steppy MN2's picture

Submitted by Steppy MN2 on Mon, 12/23/2013 - 5:29am

So my DH has had it planned that he will have Christmas with his kids on Christmas Eve for several weeks and he has let everyone know. Every year I have to work Christmas with my kids around his CO schedule and I have done this for years with no acknowledgement or appreciation from him about this. So last night (two days before Christmas Eve) OSS and wife come waltzing in and say that they just can't make Christmas Eve because OSS wife is having family at her parents house (this is one of many of the OSS wife family get-togethers during the season). OSS has known the plan for weeks now. So immediately my DH scrambles to make this work for OSS, changes our Christmas plan for a nice relaxing morning and day together. I am so tired of coming in dead last. Of course DH NEVER sees it that way. He complains I'm not willing to compromise and makes me out to be the bad guy everytime.

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Delilah's picture

Submitted by Delilah on Mon, 12/23/2013 - 7:41am

Then why are you putting up with it? You admit you allow him to walk all over you when it comes to the Christmas scheduling, so DO something about it. Tell him no. Walk away when he starts whining like a child, as you do not have to listen to him.

If he ignores the fact you have put your foot down, then continue to do what YOU want to do over xmas without consideration of your partner. I have been in similar situations to you, with my DH becoming sooo used to using his child as a reason to get his way and xmas was always about his son (understandable to a degree). However your DH does not have the excuse his son is a child, he is an adult, and frankly changing arrangements THIS late prior to xmas day is RUDE and inconsiderate. It sounds to me like not only does your DH walk over you, but so does his son and the wife! Yet you lay down and take it. That's on you.

One thing I found really made DH sit up and realise was that I would take the hard road and do my own thing, even if it caused arguments (I would ignore, remain calm and not be sucked into shouting, and walk away every single time until he acted reasonably). So leave all the work to DH, do what you need to do and arrange your children's time how you want and make sure you advise DH of this - so he cannot complain on xmas day. I would also warn him if he dares throw you under the bus with his family over this topic then there will be hell to pay, and seeing as he lives with you he will not be able to escape your wrath!

JIMPO.