Typical selfish kids imo. My siblings treated my parents this same way for years up to and including my dad's final illness, which I will never forgive them for. They were very offended when I called them out on it but are still the same even now.

I think it is ok to call them out so they get the perspective that hey, what you are doing is wrong and you only have one dad and a limited chance for time with him. After that at least they can't say they didn't know. They are just being assholes imo.

I agree with the others that you are not going to change the kids - in fact trying may make it worse. Likely as not when they were children were told by their mother what a ass.... Daddy is and like any child dependent on a adult for sustenance they bought into it. Once ingrained, like religion, its difficult to get out and it gives them the perfect excuse to not be bothered.

Don't have any further contact with them unless its a medical situation so dire that your husband physically can't call. Then make one email (preferred) or call with the basic information then leave it up to them to contact the hospital or nursing home for further information.

So your first contact is "Your Dad is....." Second contact is "The funeral is....." Nothing in-between.

Of course you can commiserate and give advise to your husband but let him deal with them. As much as it hurts you can't help.

Hello and welcome! You came to the right place. If you read this forum, you will see you are not alone with your family situation and that in itself can be a huge source of comfort. I agree with OC, who is out local sage, let it go and think of ways to enjoy life with your DH.

Does he have grandkids? May be when they come along things will change - but do not hold your breath for that. How old are the SDs? Is there a bitter ex-wife in the picture? Has this always been the pattern? When they are in crisis do they come begging for money? For advice?

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We have the same thing from two SDs aged 22 and 21. They only contact their Dad if they want something (always money) and usually start contact by text saying "love you Dad" or "miss you - I have no credit to phone you" buttering him up... then it's the wack for money that follows so he always gives it to them. They have become more and more removed, visits are not even annually, and one has a child now so that makes it worse, as he desperately wants to see the grandchild. It is used as a tool really... bait and a reason to give more money. We only seem to get a look in if there is an occasion to give them a gift. They are very unco operative if I try to organise anything, like birthday or Christmas, it is never simple, always a drama and I always end up in the dog box no matter how hard I try to organise it around them. We just went though a major drama for Christmas, youngest didn't even speak to me on the day. The other didn't come at all. We definitely need to change something because it's becoming an issue so after reading things on this I have decided to disengage, stop trying, not send gifts, not bother at all... and have advised him he needs to stop giving the money and demand that we are treated with respect. Will see how that goes. Not holding out a lot of hope because he is half scared of them.

I agree with all the others, let it go and let DH see the kids for what they really are, that is the only time I saw DH's attitude towards the SK change. It really opened his eyes to them. On the flip side, we are now going thru a bit of drama with my DH's stepdad, he flipped out on DH for the way DH treats his own mom (long history between DH and his mom that occurred long before I came in the picture) and DH hardly ever visits or calls his Mom (due to her abandoning him when she married her current husband) so his stepdad felt it was his place to yell at DH about it (defending his wife). And the cycle continues but no way is it the Step parents place to talk to the kids about how they treat their parents.

To chime in on the aspect of this situation that Jumanji and Jennaspace have covered today: experts on parent-child relationships will say that there is Estrangement - breaking off of ties for a good reason, and there is Alienation - we all know what that is, the alienator (on this board usually the BM) working tirelessly to disrupt the loving relationship between the targeted parent ( usually the dad, who may not be the Father of the Year figure, but a loving parent nonetheless) and his children. Estrangement happens at different life stages but usually i think it applies to adults ( may be beginning in adolescence). Alienation can be the result of a bitter divorce but also happens in intact families ( my DH's case). It often involves children.

There is also a mixed scenario: the dad gives the kid a lot of reasons to dislike him, but then the mom adds hateful oil to the flames. It results in Estrangement with Alienation. It was my case when i was a child. Today i would say i was both estranged and alienated from my father. My mother badmouthed him relentlessly having good reasons to not like him ( abuse, etc) but there was NO good reason to expose me to her diatribes. I grew up and told her to never let me hear her speak of him the way she has been for years. I must have been in my late 20s then.

The difference between the estrangement/alienation is at times hard to determine, at times not. Alienated children give frivolous reasons for their dislike of the targeted parent ( e.g. my OSD told her dad she never felt like he knew her at all because once in her childhood he forgot she did not like peppermint). Hating one parent becomes a religion in a household where the CP demands it. So one kid, two or three in DH's case are all soldiers in the same army, members of the same cult. No dissent is tolerated. BM is the at the center of the hate campaign. None of the skids are able to have their own, separate relationships with DH. They goose-step through life listening to the BM beating her drum. They are like Hitler Youth... and she is their Hitler.

treating the father poorly is a form of emotional blackmail.

On Facebook, etc. Very helpful to relate with others in the same kind of pain.

I wonder if he still keeps them in his will? I am sure they expect to be.

Check out a book called Boundaries...hope its OK to recommend on here

I went thru parental alienation but my kids came back to me...it is possible!!!