You are here

resent my fiancee having kids

unhappy in wales's picture

Submitted by unhappy in wales on Sun, 12/01/2013 - 7:24pm

Hi Everyone

I have been with my fiancee for a year and a half. We lived long distance and then moved in together last may. I moved to be with him.I found out 2 weeks later i was pregnant and then a few months later miscarried.

He has 2 children a girl 10 and boy 9
The girl was the result of a one night stand he had with a girl he barely knew. He didnt want to see her again but a few months later she was preg and it was his. He was under pressure and decided to stand by her. He was 20 at the time she was 18 he moved in with her when the baby was born then 12 weeks later he claimed he was drunk and she lied about taking the pill. So another kid was born and he stayed for there sake then left a few years later.

I totally resent his kids. I resent everything about them i wish they hadnt been born its so hurtful because i love my fiancee i never knew i wld feel like this. Especially after the miscarriage i just cant be around them. He always wants to cuddle them and i cant stand it i hate them for ruining him because they ruin him to me. The daughter was a one night stand for gods sake!! He says he wldnt change having them but is devastated it happened to him.he doesnt speak to their mother as he was arrested for assaulting her came out he has been arrested a few times for hitting her and he used to cheat on her too i think he resents having been stuck there. Its ruining our relationship i love him but i hate them and the fact he stood by some one night stand. I always seem to have to go over it and im angry he mase the same mistake with the other kid

Any advice?

Comments

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Sun, 12/01/2013 - 7:40pm

Stop! Now!
The kids did not ask to be born. They were conceived y a couple of losers. Your fiance hits women and cheats on them. Sounds like a Prince of a catch to me ... NOT!

So you think the kids are to blame for the situation your fiance is in? No. Neither of their 2 parents considered protection. And getting 'drunk' is no excuse for pregnancy. If he was sober enough to climax he was sober enough to put on a condom. Blunt? Yes. But true. Also he got drunk while he and his g/friend had a 3 mth old in the house?

I am sorry about your miscarriage. BTDT and it hurts and your mourn for the rest of your life and 29 yrs later I still think "What if...?" However unless these children specifically DID something to cause it, it wasn't their fault. As for the girl being the result of a ONS... is that fair? Did she ASK to be conceived? How is it her fault who her parents are? And is she any less human because of it?

Seriously, consider this a wake up call. Move away for a while. See the situation for what it is. This man sounds like he is trying to be a good father but his past history is against him. Maybe look for some miscarriage counselling to put things in perspective.

furkidsforme's picture

Submitted by furkidsforme on Sun, 12/01/2013 - 7:47pm

Lord, for his sake I HOPE you move on. For the kids, too. It's one thing to harbor some resentments and frustrations, but Jesus.... you sound like you want them dead.

Just do everyone a favor including yourself and leave.

QueenBeau's picture

Submitted by QueenBeau on Sun, 12/01/2013 - 8:07pm

This has got to be a troll. A guy 'claims' he got tricked into having 2 kids - then you find out he was arrested for beating their mother.

If you aren't a troll, I think you've been hearing some lies honey.

here's the probable truth - He dated BM. He loved her. He probably started dating her when she was a minor & he was an adult. She was in love with him because she was young & dumb. He got her pregnant AGAIN. They moved in together. It didn't work out, he beat her, she left him. SHE will probably not talk to HIM now. He would probably get back with her if she would have him.

Stastically, that's what I'd think. But I have a vivid imagination. LOL

unhappy in wales's picture

Submitted by unhappy in wales on Mon, 12/02/2013 - 6:05am

Hi I know for a fact it was a one night stand he didn't want to see her again
she was his friends sister and had literally been introduced to her twice she was the
one besotted with him she has a crush and went out of her way to try and get to him
he actually told her he didn't like her in that way and was drunk when they had the
one night stand. previously to that she had slept with his friends too I guess im
angry that this is the type of person he got stuck with. he didn't have to stand by
her but he was under pressure and wanted to do the right thing for the child as his
father was an abusive alcoholic.

I guess im just angry because she lied about being on pill as he told her after moving
in together after 12 weeks he wasn't happy she done it on purpose I HATE girls like that

why cant I just let it go

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Sun, 12/01/2013 - 9:32pm

This guy is a loser. He beat his ex and cheated on her. Why in the world you want that type of person in your life???

You resent the kids, but love a known abuser. That makes no sense at all.

unhappy in wales's picture

Submitted by unhappy in wales on Mon, 12/02/2013 - 5:47am

I know its hard for everyone to fully understand but he is not a bad person. He has been rehabilitated
and was on 1 years probation because of the violence towards the kids mother.

I want to not feel resentment I know its not right feeling like this the kids love me and I have a
great relationship with them Im trying to fix it so I don't feel resentment anymore that's why
I wanted advice. I will try counselling and btw when u suffer a miscarriage its hard to
not resent children when u have lost your own Im not perfect and I would never claim to be
.

My fiancée was with her because of a one night stand he didn't want to see her again afterwards
but there from a small village and that's how she got in touch 3 months later. I know he was a fool
after moving in with her when baby 1 was born to make the same mistake 12 weeks later I guess that's
being young and dumb and irresponsible. What I didn't mention was she informed him she was on the pill
and she was besotted with him it couldn't have gone better for her as she had actually been wanting to
sleep with him for a while as he was her brothers friend and she had a crush on him.

The point is yes he hit her but he has paid the price. I as a woman feel inferior