Grrr.....I'm so sick of this
I am so annoyed and pissed off at Fiancée right now!
We've been trying for the last 2 years to get BM to stop overstepping boundaries. She constantly asks Fiancée to do this and that etc… and I'm so sick of it. I had thought this was over because BM is homeless, jobless and currently staying at a friends with her other 3 kids and SS is living with us. I told Fiancée a number of times to get the parenting plan changed now that BM is back in the state and not to just go letting her do whatever she wants in regards to SS. He agreed to it and I being the idiot that I am believed him.
Well about 2 weeks ago BM calls Fiancée and says that she wants to see SS and that she's staying at a friend of a friends house so can he bring him down. Fiancée told her that he would be working so he wasn't going to be driving SS down. BM calls again later and tells him that her friend will pick him up and than drop him off after the visit. I told Fiancée not to allow this without a new parenting plan because it will just cause BM to overstep boundaries and not to sign off on a new parenting plan. Yet he still proceeded to do it and told me that it was a one time thing and that after this he wouldn't let SS go down without a new parenting plan.
Well now it seems that was all a lie! I find out from him yesterday that BM called and he's taking SS down to stay with her for a few days. He rearranged his schedule to accommodate BM and he ruined my plans of taking SS to puppy classes with me (we got a new puppy and SS is scared of his nipping). I paid extra to have SS attend. I told Fiancée that this wasn't a good idea because when he accommodated BM she oversteps every boundary possible. He tried to tell me that he was doing it because he didn't want me to be stuck with SS all weekend and that he didn't want to be the one the kept SS away from his mother. I just want this taken care of legally before any visitation and I don't want to deal with her crap which I know will be coming.
Damn I wish he'd grow a set!
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I don't blame you
for being angry. I know I would be. I don't even know what to tell you. I don't know much about parenting agreements. You really need to talk to him. That's a stupid excuse he gave you. "because he didn't want you to be stuck".
Hang in - go to your happy place. Jo
"May the forces of evil get confused on the way to your house." George Carlin
I have always believed that
I have always believed that the ideal time to blend families, or marry a partner w/ kids, is when the custody/support situation is firmly in place. Ideally, it sounds nice that parents can simply make a call and arrange visits, but the sad fact is that it's usually a pain in the ass to figure out, and any semblence of "making other plans" goes totally out the window. When you've got a mom and dad who are amicably separated but don't have other families, they are usually focused on the child and work together to accommodate one another. After all, if it's just you, you can change your plans and don't have to worry about disappointing anyone else. But once another person(s) is brought into the picture, it's not fair to have this type of arrangement. Plain and simple, it sends the message that the new partner and family is not as important as the stepchild and we all know how untrue this is.
You are right that the court order needs to indicate the schedule. It is not Fiancee's responsibility to bend over backwards for BM--he is enabling her, plain and simple, and she is manipulating him into believing that it's somehow his fault that she can't get her act together. A schedule will be putting some structure to his child's life and forcing BM to do the same. If she is unemployed, then she should be able to make visitations. There is nothing you can do if she doesn't take them, but at least you will be able to plan for them if you have a schedule. And if nothing else, it shows that respect for YOU and your life with Fiancee. I firmly believe that parents need to be reasonable and make exceptions to the rules when there are extenuating circumstances, but as a general rule, it's best to stick to the books.
It's best to approach this with as much patience as you can muster (as much as that will be a facade)...if Fiancee feels attacked, he'll no doubt get defensive and shut you out. I have always found that I got further offering suger than vinegar.
Then, when you're out of sugar, Heineken is a successful substitute.;)
Hugs,
Krissy
Sounds familiar....
Once your fiance gets bitten enough times, tires of running his head into a brick wall, does not want to be taken advantage of anymore... he will start to come around. It sounds like he still has a soft spot for his ex. I completely understand where you are comming from as my dh was a lot like your fiance when we first got together.... I would simply point out what I saw was going on from my prospective, what I though bm was going to do next based on her behavior, (my dh seems to be a bit slow... his ex cheated and walked out 3 different times before he started to learn), anyway I would tell dh what I thought.... he would get mad and 9 out of 10 times he thought I was being crazy and the dumb*** wouldn't listen! Then, the ex would do exactly what I had said she was going to do! After he saw that I had a pretty good idea of what his ex was doing whenever she geared up to pull her petty bull**** he began to listen a little bit... Now, he sees her for what she really is. Once your fiance has had enough and gets it through his thick head that his ex is not going to suddenly change and be a decent person, he will start to stand up for you, his son, and himself....