Every time we go to any family function that H's eldest daughter will be at H insists we bring something for SGS, it's like it's the kid's birthday every time we see him. Anyway, then H will insist that I be the one to give SGS the gift, and DH will make a big fuss about how "Grandma-Disillusioned picked it out, etc.. etc..."

This causes tension between us because H's eldest is making it one of her missions in life I think to PAS SGS against me. And equally irksome are the constant little things she does to rub in my face that she doesn't consider me part of her family, let alone SGS's...like the last time we were together and she pulls out a bunch of pictures of H and SGS that were taken the previous visit. I was there on this visit with DH and SGS even made a point of coming to see me and ended up on my knee but not only were there no pictures to be seen that I was included in of course but she puts about 15 of the pictures out and then says to DH and his family "these pictures are for you Dad, Papa and Auntie" She says to H, H's sister and FIL that between the three of them they can take the pictures they like. I'm right beside H but no mention of "Dad and Disillusioned" of course. Grrrr!

Just one of many little things H's eldest does to 'keep me in my place' but of course H still insists on the gifts for SGS every time and making it out to be that I'm the one doting and spoiling SGS.

I adore the child and have no issue with him of course. But by doing what H wants it only gives his daughter the satisfaction of having me gravel and butt-kiss her child just all the more satisfaction for her when deliberately excluding me and making me feel as nothing more than how she views me, as H's wife

The next visit is coming up and I know H is going to start the same routine. It doesn't help to calmly tell him no, this is your grandchild you give him the gift or no since you bought it you give it to him from us or just come out and say no, after the way your daughter excludes me and the way that makes me feel I don't want it to appear I'm the one buying things for and spoiling her child.

I've tried all three responses and H always insists, there is always tension, and I always end up feeling that H's daughter is just smirking to herself loving treating me like a door-mat

Since I can't get out of going to the next one, any suggestions for how to tell DH no?