I am concerned for some of you ladies.
I have gone through and read many posts on this board, a few posters stories caught my eye and I went through and read their entire blogs. And in reading those blogs that stretch back for months and years I got sick. Why do some of you women put up with this? For years?!
I am reading multiple blogs from women who are verbally abused by their husbands/significant others. Degraded, called filthy names, intimidated, threatened with divorce if they do not fall in line with what their partner wishes. They receive no care and nurturing from their partner and are paying far more than their fair share of combined household expenses. The children curse at them or are physically violent and the “husband” does nothing.
Ladies you do not have a husband. Someone gave you a bad bill of sale.
What you have is a punk living in your house who feels because his plumbing is on the outside that makes him a man.
First two rules of Husband Code as explained by my father:
1)We do not hit women ever. If our anger gets close to the boiling point we leave and allow ourselves to cool off. Chopping wood, building something, changing the oil are all ways that we men can de-stress. If you ever lay a hand on your wife I will beat you worse than I did when you were a stupid teenager.
2)Our wives are our trophies. They had to be earned, it is not a given that you would get the wife you wanted (she or her daddy could have said no when you proposed) so once you have her you take care of her.
a)Always have the florist’s card in your wallet (or number in your contacts) so when you fuck up, and you will, you can send her some pretty flowers and if you’re lucky she won’t poison your dinner.
b)In any budget there is always room to save a few dollars so your wife can get her hair or nails done or buy that dress that caught her eye. Even if its $10, you save the money up and hand it to her and tell her that’s her spending cash to spend as she sees fit on herself. Not on the house, kids, car, groceries etc.
c)You don’t ever say something to your wife that you don’t want her telling your mama about. And if your mama comes to me saying you spoke ill to your wife I will beat you worse than I did when you were a stupid teenager.
My father has plenty more rules when it comes to how to treat women. Opening doors, never allowing the honey-do list to get longer than three items. Never allow it to sit long enough that your wife picks up a tool to complete that list for you. And many, many more.
Oh, that beating I got as a stupid teenager? When I was seventeen I got stupid and I called my mother a name that I shall never repeat. Dad full out tackled me in the front yard (as I was running away in fear) and beat the ever loving hell out of me. I deserved it. Trust I have never made that mistake again either towards my mother, my XW nor my current wife.
If your man cannot follow the two simple rules above he is not a man. He does not deserve to be a husband. He is a punk ass little snot who should have had his ass beat more by his daddy.
There are plenty of men in the world ladies. Real men. Who know how to treat a woman. Who work, are honest and faithful and will treat you like queens. Please, stop being some punk's whipping boy/girl.
- Mr.Just.His.Wife's blog
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As a post script I am aware
As a post script I am aware my oldest son made this mistake with my wife and my oldest daughter.
Trust me, beyond the pop in the mouth my wife gave the kid, I handled it. That boy will never again raise his hand to a woman and his younger brother was present for it and came to the determination that he would never make the same mistake his brother and I did. The consequences for that action is nothing he wants any part of.
Good, strong words of
Good, strong words of empowerment. Thank you.
Hell yes it can be. My XW is
Hell yes it can be. My XW is a perfect example of that. And I took it for years because a man is supposed to take care of his wife, own his words, keep his oaths and promises.
We got into a bad verbal argument. Where she called me every name in the book in muliple languages I got into my car to leave and in front of the kids, she threw a hammer through the wind shield at me. That was my final straw. Initially I was leaving to cool down. However her action ensured I never returned.
The arguement? I confronted her on cheating on me. With multiple men.
There are plenty of good men
There are plenty of good men out there. Many of them are with women who will not put up with the punks the OP described.
Men like that seek out weak and/or needy women. They stay away from strong women who would rather be alone than put with with their mess.
Beautiful post! My DSO is a
Beautiful post!
My DSO is a crappy father but he treats me like a queen. I think after the beat down his Ex gave him, he always says he is afraid he will lose me.
I now want to marry your
I now want to marry your father. lol. Or do you have any single brothers that were raised the same way? Just kidding, but that advice was beautiful. I'm going to copy that and print it out for my sons.
Can you please create a full
Can you please create a full list of these rules? I would love to print them out and just Leave them out for is my Hubbs Just so happens to see and read. Give him the opportunity to read what a REAL man is and see if he will try to become one.
^^this^^ oh pretty
^^this^^ oh pretty please!!!
i'd love it for my 3 skids
This is how the men in my
This is how the men in my family were raised, and we girls were raised to never allow a man to treat us like doormats. Every guy I ever dated was given fair warning that if he laid a hand on me, he'd be picking himself up off the floor. After I gave my warning, daddy gave his, which was along the lines of no one would ever find the guy's body.
I agree with Foxie. Many women grow up in some type of abusive environment and don't know that it can be different. They believe that abuse=love. My DH's first wife was like this. DH is a loving, caring man. She thought he didn't love her because he wasn't abusive. She would try to get him to hit her, which never worked. I think other women in these situations probably didn't see the signs until they were already fully invested. Now they probably don't know what to do. Many of the blogs I have read here by women in these relationships havea common statement,"I don't know what happened. He used to do XYZ for me. He used to be sweet, kind, loving, etc. Now he screams and curses at me." Many of these women probably hold onto the hope that he will go back to the sweet man they fell in love with. He won't. That sweet man was a disguise. The abusive man is his true self.
I am so grateful to my parents for raising me the way they did, and I am blessed to have a great marriage that is just like my parents' marriage.
My faith in humanity has been
My faith in humanity has been restored. Thanks.
Mr. Just His Wife, I'm glad
Mr. Just His Wife, I'm glad to have you join the ranks of our beloved "token men" on here.
Great advice. Now please
Great advice. Now please publish that online for free
Then we can share it through facebook, etc with the world! PS you can do so at squidoo.com. It is free and you might make some money off of it. 
I think some are missing the
I think some are missing the point here. What Mr. JHW has stated are the core Southern values of how spouses should treat each other. My family has passed these values down to each generation. I fully expected my husband to speak to my father before proposing. It is a respect thing toward the bride's father, and it gives the father a chance to give the "if you ever hurt my daughter" speech. I was engaged one other time. The first two times he proposed, he didn't ask my dad. I told him he had to talk to my dad first. It offended me that he didn't have the guts to ask my dad. FYI: our engagement lasted a month before I kicked him out. We were together for 8 yrs prior.
As for saying these values are sexist: As I stated, my family has passed these values down for generations. However, the women of the family generally have the most influence in our family. Why? Because the men value their wives' thoughts and opinions. My great grandmother, grandmother, mother, and myself are all very strong women, and we have equal, if not more, say in our households. Same thing with the women of my extended family. These values are not meant to be sexist or controlling. They are just the opposite, and they should be followed by both spouses.
There are very few divorces in my family. Most of my family have marriages that have lasted for 30+ years, and they are happy marriages.Those marriages were based on these values. In my family, these values seem to work well for the marriages that are based on them.
Thanks for posting, Mr.JHW
Thanks for posting, Mr.JHW
Or maybe he just holds the
Or maybe he just holds the door because his mama taught him to. My MIL would walk up to a door and STAND there and wait until one of her boys opened it.
It's courtesy. It is respect. We live in the south. I cannot honestly remember the last time I opened a door to a public building. 90% of most men run to get the door for a women. 75% of the kids around here do the same thing be they male or female.
DH also holds doors open for the infirm (male or female) does that make him age discriminatory as well?
I taught my son to open doors for women. Does that mean I am a sexist pig too??
The sexist pig is the bi+ch that my son opened a door for who chewed him up and spit him out for him attempting to be courteous to her. So my kid slammed it shut after she finished spewing her viritrol at him and informed her "Yeah sorry, my mom taught me to hold a door open for a lady. You bi+ches are on your own."
And no, I don't blame the kid. If someone is showing you courtesy and respect you don't cuss them out and make disparaging remarks about their character.
>The sexist pig is the bi+ch
>The sexist pig is the bi+ch that my son opened a door for who chewed him up and spit him out for him attempting to be courteous to her.<
*falls off chair*
OMG! For real? She spat on him!?!?!? :jawdrop:
Chewed him up and spit him
Chewed him up and spit him out Draco.
I don't think the lady actually spit *on* him.
Woop my bad. I seem to be
Woop my bad. I seem to be skipping words while reading today.
Ladies: This post was to show
Ladies:
This post was to show concern to some members of the group who are in relationships with men who are verbally, psychologically or physically abusive.
The idea behind the post was to show them that not all men are like that and there is no reason for them to tolerate it. That a true man and partner would not treat them like that.
I respectfully request that those who I deleted pack up their soap boxes and you can either start your own blog or go hijack someone else's blog about what you believe, what gets your knickers in a twist and how sexist men are who try to be courteous.
Your hijacking this blog with your own agenda's is not appreciated.
Some of us are morons. Men
Some of us are morons.
Men at times do not use their best judgement and plenty of times during our younger years we use none. It is pretty well known fact that women mature faster than men, so essentially by the time most of us get around to becoming mature, it's too little and way too late. And we have no one but ourselves to blame.
My first kid I believed her when she said she was on birth control. My bad. I hated condoms was stupid as hell and put my reproductive life in the hands of a girl who I did not trust to drive my car alone. Yes. Stupid.
(That was not a crack about women drivers. She had already totaled two cars her parents got her. That was a comment in regards to *her* driving capabilities or lack there of.)
After that I did use condoms. Amazingly enough we still had three more kids. I am utterly convinced she was poking holes in the condoms as I doubt they have that high of a failure rate (near 100%). While she was pregnant with #4 I had a vasectomy done. Again, barn door wide open. Horses so far gone the neighbor has already branded and saddled them.
You are correct Echo. I do
You are correct Echo. I do not understand it. I do not understand why they stay in a situation that is not only bad for them but that makes them utterly miserable. If my original post made it seem like I felt these women were "stupid" then I apologize that was not my intent at all.
The purpose of the blog was
The purpose of the blog was to show concern for women who are stuck in relationships where their spouses treat them like trash. Verbally, mentally, psychologically abusing those they supposedly love. Some of those women I truly fear will also end up in the physical abuse category as time passes.
The purpose of the blog was not to discuss women's rights, sexual equality or inequality. In simple terms the blog got hijacked and I got rid of the posts that deviated the post from its original intent.
With all due respect, I
With all due respect, I really don't need a MAN to tell me how I should be treated. I already know how I want to be treated.
In fact....the last thing I need is another man telling me how I should live my life.
Shaman, You appear to be a
Shaman,
You appear to be a woman who has a strong sense of self. You appear to have clearly defined boundaries of what is right, wrong and *aw hell no* in a relationship.
The women I was addressing are ones stuck in what might seem to be a no way out situation. Who may feel that the situation they find themselves in is simply how relationships/marriages are. I had hoped them hearing a male tell them, No this is wrong, your husband/boyfriend/so should not be treating you like this might be beneficial to them.
As many posters pointed out, some women grew up in households that had the same issues. They may not realize that those issues are not the norm. And do not have to be tolerated. If they realize it and choose to stay, that is their choice. They are grown adults and no, do not need to be told what to do. But I was honest when I said hearing about some of these situations literally made me sick to my stomach.
It does indeed. So are you
It does indeed.
So are you suggesting if someone makes a blog about issues with a step child and it is overrun about others discussing an unrelated topic (example: pets) that the thread should not be thinned of the excess unrelated material so that the blog poster can actually concentrate on the replies to the issues he/she posted about originally?
In truth I deleted 3 posts. The process of deleting those three posts also removed all of the replies to those posts as well (be they pro what I said or against) So while yes it does appear that I went on a deletion session that rivaled Obama's campain team hiding his certificate of a citizen born abroad paperwork, in truth it was three posts deleted. The replies to those posts were unintentional casualties.