Making up stories to justify the lies
DH wants to take everything SD20 tells him at face value, even though he knows she lies easier than breathing.
I know she has a fake ID because she always posts pictures of herself drinking in bars with an armband. DH asked and she said she doesn't. So she came to visit us and went to a casino and a strip club. DH's justification? SD20 told him you don't "have" to be 21 to get in. I checked the casino's website, and it absolutely says you MUST be 21. Can't be so sure about the strip club because I don't remember the name of the one she went to and they may let you in the door at 18, but the casino is clear.
DH wants to believe with SD20 told him about not having a fake ID, when it is obvious that was a lie. WHY do you choose to believe a lie?
- Elizabeth's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
even though he knows she lies
even though he knows she lies easier than breathing
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
My SS lies so much that he does not even realize what he is doing. But he has been allowed to do that his whole life. Neither BM or DH call him out on his lies. Even when they KNOW he was not telling the truth.
I have no idea why they are like that and I don't care anymore. Disengagement is great!! lol
Ding ding ding... we have a
Ding ding ding... we have a winner! This is my DH. He'd rather deny, deny, deny than admit that SD15 has turned out anything less than perfect because that's a reflection on HIM
Yep, this is my DH... if SD15
Yep, this is my DH... if SD15 said that the moon was purple, then DH would believe it to be so. No need to research, no need to question, if SD says it is then it is!
on the rare occasion that he admits that SD15 was wrong or being untruthful, then he conjurs an excuse... Oh, well someone must have snuck purple tint onto SDs glasses when she said the moon was purple. Geesh... could happen to anyone! and NOTHING can ever be SD15 fault
It's easier for him to
It's easier for him to believe it.
If he doesn't care that SD is doing all the things she does, why do you care so much?
And I really mean this not to come off as rude. WHY do you care so much what she does? She is 20 yrs old. Why are you checking websites, checking FB, Twitter, etc all to prove how right you are. You KNOW you are right. And it seems no matter what evidence you put in front of your DH's face he just doesn't care to see all the "wrongs" she is doing, the same way as you do.
Is this an issue between you two? I imagine your DH thinking "Ok Elizabeth, what else did SD do wrong that you have to point out." I would think that would cause resentment from him and somewhat like you are a constant tattle tale.
If DH doesnt care, why do you care so dang much. How does it truly affect you? Do you think that DH is going to stop loving and taking care of SD if he could finally see who she truly is? Even if he does see what all she is doing, what is it going to change?
I went through this same thing. I was so busy showing, telling, pointing out all the faults of the skids and all the loser stuff that they were doing and I wasn't getting the response from him that I wanted and it left me feeling more annoyed and anxious and more wanting to prove to him I am right. But it's a stupid cycle and not worth the effort, feelings or time.
Finally one day, I thought, if he doesnt care, WHY in the world do I care so much? I KNOW what his kids are like. I dont need to prove it to everyone. I like stupid pointing out every flaw of these young adults who are trying to navigate through life and figure their path.
Shes an adult and she has a fake id. Who cares. How does that REALLY affect you? Maybe you think, well if she gets caughts and goes to jail, then DH is going to bail her out and then that affects our money, or something to that affect. So I get it. But hey shes 20! 20 year olds do stupid stuff and they learn from it (hopefully).
It's like you just want to be like HA See SD is a loser, drunk, ho, doesn't care about school. But you keep telling your DH that and he still doesn't care.
(((HUGS)))
The subject came up because
The subject came up because BD10 lied to DH about something. It was basically the fact that she was upset that we were fighting at the time, and she accidentally let her true feelings slip and told both grandparents (they were together) that mom and dad fight a lot. I told DH this and when he asked BD10, she changed her story. I had to sit her down and explain that her feelings were her feelings and that if she says something she needs to stick by it. Nobody is going to be mad at her, she's not lying (we were fighting a lot).
Out of all this, DH gets: "BD10 lied to me." And he wants to punish her, which to me doesn't make sense because this wasn't a lie to gain anything, and she totally admitted she lied. I'd rather she be truthful in the end. So I got my back up a bit about how SD20 can lie to him DAILY and he never did/never will "punish" HER. Hence the discussion about the fake ID and me KNOWING she has one, and him refusing to believe she lies even when he has proof.
DH is basically actively modifying his expectations so SD20 never falls below them, and it's a pretty shi*ty example for our two BDs to follow along behind.
I agree it is a shitty
I agree it is a shitty example. But what is going to be done about it?
You are always pointing out to him the wrongs that SD does. Okay, does he do anything about it? Is it helping anything by pointing out everything she does wrong? What benefit are you getting from it? If any? Maybe try a different approach and see if you get a different result from him.
In my personal experience I found when I wasn't nagging DH in his ear about how awful his skids were "MSD17 got pregnant- HA", "SS20 can't keep a job- HA", "SD20 is underage drinking- HA" he started to see these things himself. And if he didn't, then oh wells. These things REALLY didnt affect me.
I also always did "Oh you are saying BS is eating us out of house and home, well he is a growing boy and you have NO PROBLEM when YSD14 comes over and eats all the cookies." It's tit for tat. For me it just got REALLY old.
Maybe try a different approach.?
Even when I have in-your-face
Even when I have in-your-face proof that SD22 has lied, DH makes up excuses for her and says I must have misunderstood her or she got 'confused'. This girl has been a chronic liar since I've met her back when she was 15. If her mouth is moving, she's lying. Big lies, little lies, doesn't matter. She just cannot tell the truth. ARRRRRAAAGGGHHH!!! It used to drive me crazy, but thankfully I just don't give a rat's butt anymore unless it directly concerns my well being or my finances. I don't know if it's more sad or funny to see DH's face when he actually catches her in a lie, but of course he'd still never admit she (gasp!)intentionally lied.