Am I wrong??
I'm new at all of this... I have a daughter who lives with us part time. Its a school district issue. My husband's children live in another state. We have arguments 2 twice a month usually after his visitations. He has not seen his 15 yr daughter since Christmas due to a "boy issue". His 14 yr old son visits when he wants to and his 13 yr old son visits every chance.
Our argument is over the living room usage. As soon as his youngest walks in the door, the laptop is in use and the tv is in use for video games. I have stated that its one or the other not both all weekend long. I am out voted my husband and told jokingly to "go to your room." He gets mad because I do stay in the bedroom most of the weekend due to the "living room" issue. I do not enjoy South Park or Family Guy or bloody video games.
The other argument is friends. I have told the husband that I don't agree with the boys bringing friends up with my daughter who is 13 also in our home. The husband gets upset because "Your daughter can have friends over but mine can't". I have tried to explain to my husband there are rules:
1. Permission is 1 week prior to friend coming over.
2. Parents have to verify visit.
3. I have to know the parents prior to visit.
He feels these rules don't apply to his children. Being the kids live 1 1/2 hours away from us, I think the visiting should be done on their mom's weekends not his. However, my husband doesn't.
He gets angry when I say have you talked to this kid's parents?? Do they have food allergies?? Medical issues?? Do the parents have our address??
PLEASE HELP!!!! I want him to wake up and see reality!!!
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Comments
I get you!
I haven't had to deal with the sleep over thing yet, however, I think that I will actually adopt your rules when that situation does come up. What is so crazy about wanting to know the people staying in your home? My mother always needed to meet the parents of my friends before they stayed the night. I never remember it being such a big deal...just common sense. Also, I think that one or the other, not both is generous to begin with. That's how I do it with my Skids. It feels so hard to get through to people who just don't 'get it', but if something ever did happen, he'll be glad that you asked all the right questions
What's wrong with wanting
to meet the parents beforehand? My mom always knew the parents of my friends because if something were to happen in our home, who would they call? What would their parents want them to do?
No, you're not wrong. Sounds
No, you're not wrong. Sounds like your husband is letting the kids run the household on their visits. My SS9 and DD10, whom we have both full time (SS9 goes to BM's EOW), monopolize the TV with cartoons or video games. It seems as though I never get to watch anything I want to UNTIL they are in bed.
I hear you on the friends issue. We haven't had many sleepovers at the house, but SS9 always wants to have a friend over and I don't like it because
(1) He bosses them around
(2) He's 9 and only knows how to talk loud and louder!
(3) The place ends up a mess
(4) They want to play videogames and that's attached to the main TV in the living room.
If he were nicer to his friends and not so....boisterous and loud (or stayed outside), I would be more willing to. Luckily, it's when FH is home so I leave "the boys" to it and quietly retreat to the sanctity of my room.
I totally agree with the
I totally agree with the electronics issue! When my kids were young it was the ever annoying Rug Rats with that bossy Angela. I got them their own television sets. They were only allowed to watch tv in the living room if we were watching a show as a family. Otherwise, they watched that crap in their rooms. Same went for the skids. Their annoying shows all come from the Disney Channel. I swear it set my teeth on edge. We got them a tv for their room too.
I don't however agree with the friends issue. The boy doesn't have the opportunity to give "notice." The rule in my house was that no one was to call or visit the house before 10:00 a.m. on the weekends and my kids had to come and ask if someone could come in first before allowing anyone to tromp through my home. They had to do it out of earshot of the friend so that I didn't feel put on the spot. If they put me on the spot, the answer was always no.
Different strokes you know.
Different strokes
By notice, I mean ask if it's ok to have a friend over and for how long. I want to know the person's name (which with my daughter is easy), when they would be arriving and how long of a stay. I need to know their parents plans for that evening and where they can be reached. I wasn't allowed to have friends spend the night when I was growing up.
My issue is the last time one of the friends spent the night, the parents never sent meds up. The kids is ADHD. Two vacuum cleaners are now without the hose attachment due to a sword fight and several BB gun dents in flooring and walls. However, somehow this was turned into my daughter's fault because she hit ss14 with a pillow. Everytime she asks to have a friend over, husband freaks saying remember how she hit Jonny with a pillow and now your attachments are broken. Then I have to remind him of the several bb dents because Jonny had to show this kid the gun which was hidden til you had to show off by taking the gun to the park with your boys!!
Am I wrong??
Update:
I knew us arguing would lead to something. SD15 wants to come visit for the first time in 9 months. She wants to bring "her friend" up. All three will visit this weekend. Husband just asked if my daughter can go to a friends house so his daughter and friend can have my daughter's room for the weekend since his 2 sons will be up also. I asked if this was really fair to my daughter and who is this friend. I was told to get over myself this is the first time in 9 months she is visiting and her friend is named "Becca". He is picking all of them up tonight since they don't have school tomorrow.
Letting this slide?? All are lying big time and "Becca" is SS14 girlfriend.
NOPE!!! I just called the school to find out that they are not closed tomorrow.
I called husband at work to inform him but he left already. I guess he's going to have a long drive tonight after I tell him they will all be "skipping school" and this girl needs to call her parents to let my husband speak with them that he has taken her to our home for the weekend, she won't be in school tomorrow and she will be with her boyfriend all weekend.
I wouldn't stop his kids
I wouldn't stop his kids from visiting, but hell would freeze over before I sent my kid away. They can all camp out on the floor. They will probably like that.