Am I being unfair towards another?
This is kind off topic and I would like yr opinion if you don't mind.
Am a stepmother of two with zero bio kids. Great marriage but have been screwed helping others out. DH and I had his teenagers living with us a while ago now. All is well with SS but it was a pain dealing with the girl even for my husband. We were put to the test with his daughter as my mother too moved in and out a few times with us. Luckily DH and my mom get along great!
So DH and I did this during our newlywed time. Now recently, one of our friends (young man) of 5 years asked me if he can live with us until he gets a paycheck or two and he is coming from out of state. I have looked out for him since he was 15 yrs old as my husband has known him for a cple yrs now. DH is parent like towards him but get along.
We made an offer almost 2 yrs ago which was if he needed a place to stay for a short time, we would put him up. Since the offer, he has made some poor decisions, hangs around the wrong crowd, and now seems to move a lot but mooch off people. He got in contact with me asking but I said that "I'm not comfortable with it but if you can talk DH into it, that I will agree" DH wanted to know more of his motivations/plans and such before making a decision. As it stands, DH as of now is not comfortable with having him here for longer then a visit.
I don't want to say to much but my jewelry has gone missing some time ago and we just don't need them type of problems anymore. I can't say it was him who took it but my jewelry showed up after a few visits later. We made him aware that I made a police report and will press charges if my jewelry shows up at any pawn shops. He swears up and down that it was not him.
I have a hard time not helping anyone out when we consider them friends. Times are changing with him and I'm not sure what to be thinking or feeling with this issue. Any thoughts or ideas would be appreciated. He has had a hard life and we feel sympathetic for him. Also fears of living with another person since that is all we have been doing.
Lol guess its all fun and games until someone steals yr wedding rings.....Can't believe that it showed up a few months later in my food cabinet right in the middle.
Follow your gut - in matters
Follow your gut - in matters of low-lifes, thiefs and such, your gut is always right. Plus you'll sleep better. If you feel obligated offer to pay two weeks at a Motel 6. Make sure the Motel knows any refund due to early check-out is to be made back to your credit card.
You can feel sorry for him
You can feel sorry for him all you want. That isn't what he needs. He needs to understand that he is a grownup now and he is responsible for his actions. And if you rip people off when they are trying to help you, you would have worn out your welcome and can't be allowed back in. Or you could end up in jail.
It is a hard lesson, but the sooner he learns it, the better. Do you think he could qualify to go into the military? If he could get in, it may make a man out of him. He could learn a trade, get food/shelter/medical/college and learn discipline. I'd offer to take him down to the recruiter and have them talk to him. They won't take him if he has a record or tests positive for drugs. If he tests drug positive/or has a record, thats a sign that you don't want him in your house either. Then maybe refer him to a social service agency for help. But tell him no deal.
I personally wouldn't let him in unless he wanted to join the military and did so very quickly. And I'd lock up all my stuff. And I wouldn't want him around the kids.