Inspection of my home and possibly of.. mee?!
In my country, if two parents split up and then cannot agree on arrangements re their children and they decided to go the legal route and get lawyers, our courts automatically assign the child/ren with a lawyer. This lawyer oversee's all CO negotiations etc, he has a lot of pull so to speak..
BM has been filing sh!t about SO and I with the courts for the last few months, all made up crap of course to make me and SO out to be unfit parents, stuff like this... "as a very concerned mother with my daughters best interest at heart, I have to question [SO's] decisions regarding the people he allows our daughter to associate with (meaning me and my kids). [SD3] often comes home from a visit and makes very disturbing comments about her time at her father's and his girlfriends house. I also question whether their home is suitable for my daughter" ....blah blah f***ing blah all of it UNTRUE.
She wanted to inspect OUR home HERSELF! A judge dragged her into court a couple weeks ago and ripped her a new one for all her 'petty and ridiculous" nonsense and told her there is no way the courts will grant her permission to step foot in our home (that is when she burst into tears).
After that judicial conference.. the child's lawyer sent SO a letter asking if he may come to our home to do an inspection "to put everything to rest once and for all"...
SO (and I) agreed to it. It is absolutely unfair and i do hate that WE have to be subjected to this sort of stuff, BUT hopefully it will show this lawyer as soon as he walks in the door how warm and family oriented we are. We have a lovely home and because I have 3 kids, it is child proof, I have no skeletons in my closet and I'm currently doing a parenting course...
But I can't help but feel nervous! Does this lawyer have the right to question/interrogate me? Has anyone been through this sort of 'scrutiny'? Any advice and tips?
I am new to SP, but if you
I am new to SP, but if you dont mind I will offer my advice. As a BM myself, I will NOT let my child go into any situation that I feel is unfit for him. Now Im not sure what BS BM is spewing in court but perhaps she thinks what she is saying has truth?? Put yourself in her shoes. Wouldn't you do the same for your child to ensure the environment is safe?? If you have nothing to be worried about then carry on and allow the lawyer to come for a visit. It may take a stab at your pride but do you really have any worries?? If you do, you need to address them with Dad and make sure that the atmosphere is as safe as you want it to be. If you have no doubt that your home is safe and secure for this child suck it up and do what it takes to have her in your lives. I know it sounds harsh but you can and will get through this ((Hugs) It could be alot worse.
^^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^^ BM tried
^^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^^
BM tried to do this before DH and I got married. She sent the cops to our house for a wellness check. When the cops figured out what was going on, they told BM that she was wasting resources and would be charged with filing a false report next time. That shut her down.
I would talk to the GAL and allow the inspection. While it is demeaning, he will see the truth and report it. As long as you have no safety/health issues, you and SO should be fine. Don't sweat it! The fact that you are willingly allowing the GAL to come in should work in your favor. If you don't want your kids involved, send them to their dad's or a family member's that day. Good luck!
Hi there, what Brie says is
Hi there, what Brie says is all true
I'm a BM too, my kids have a whole other life that I am not apart of, a SM they love, step brother, half sister, fishing trips and holidays etc etc. It has been hard to deal with, especially when the kids were little, but I accepted that I just had to suck it up and deal with it! That's just the way it is, we have to trust that our ex's LOVE our kids just as much as we do and allow them to make judgments re health and safety in the kids best interest.
The BM I deal with is borderline, maybe cluster b, golden uterus, high conflict personality. Her 'concerns' have more to do with her own internal distress and the inability to accept reality. SD3 is a really happy little girl when she is in our home, BM will NEVER let herself see that.
I totally understand where you're coming from though, and if I were dealing with a 'normal' BM, I would have had her over for coffee already
thank you for your support!
Thank you everyone for all
Thank you everyone for all you're advice and support! I'm SOOO glad I posted about this, you ladies have brought up some very important things that I didn't think about! I'll have SO contact his lawyer and talk to him about this visit etc
I feel SOOOO much better now that I know what to expect and can have a bit of a 'plan' before he comes
I would not worry too much
I would not worry too much about it. The more open you are and the more access that the GAL has to interview and view the people and places that the Skids are exposed to the more capital you build with that GAL. However, if you are concerned about misunderstandings have your own attorney there when the GAL arrives for the home/people visit.
When SpermGrandMa initiated a Custody action against my DW (while we were dating) when SS was 1yo CPS came to her appartment in response from a report of abuse to do a wellness check. It scared the crap out of my DW but there was nothing to find and nothing came from it other than feedback to the court that it appeared that the complaint was manipulative and indicative of a false report of abuse.
Once the CPS officer saw the location, the kid and my DW and got her to calm down they were able to get through the interview and give the CPS case worker assurance that SS was well cared for.
This can work to your advantage if it goes smoothly.
Good luck.
**UPDATE** I just told SO
**UPDATE**
I just told SO that me and my kids wont be here tomorrow when the lawyer comes.
I've had one foot out the door for several months now. Basically, I feel unappreciated, SO seems to be more interested in putting BM's happiness and needs above ours and mine blah blah blah all that jazz.
I have an ex of my own, we've had our up's and downs, but even during the year and a half of not talking or seeing each other (while doing 50/50) we didn't go to lawyers, we didn't drag each other (or each others families and partners) through the mud. So I'm finding it real difficult to accept the fact that because of SO's b!tch a$$ ex, I am doing a parenting course to counter her claims that I'm not a good parent. I'm spending a lot of my money to go to therapy to learn to deal with her batshit crazy personality disorderd ass. And now I have to subject MY home, my self and MY KIDS to this bullshit inspection!!
SO starts talking about how I have to do this and say that and oh, "maybe you should send [my BS7] somewhere else while the lawyer is here just in case he misbehaves, that'll look bad for [SO]" He made me feel like everything BM has been saying about me and my kids are true! I didn't sign up for this r/s to have to defend myself as a person and parent because SO and BM can't grow the fuck up and co-parent without all the drama!
P.S the thing about my kid misbehaving, yeah, he can be a firecracker when his siblings rark him up, I can admit that, and even before SO mentioned it, I had already thought about who could possibly babysit him for a couple of hours.. it's just the way SO talked to me last night, like I'm too dumb to make the visit successful, really, it's himself he has to worry about, i told him to contact his lawyer, he said "nah".
Sorry, just venting.. I know it's super important for me and my kids to be here (although, I checked the letter again last night, it actually doesn't say anything about me and my kids being present), right now I'm just so upset, I feel like I'm putting myself through SOOOO much shit for SO and he doesn't show any appreciation, he doesn't value my feelings and opinions, a r/s shouldn't be like this IMO. Maybe I'll feel better after a tub of ice cream lol
I feel for you. I feel the
I feel for you. I feel the same way you do. I have full custody of my SO two children and everything was going nicely for a while then the EX started putting weird information into the kid's heads like they don't have to listen to me and don't have to follow rules. The SD stole my car one evening while she thought we were all sleeping (she doesn't know how to drive nor does she have a license). My SO and I yelled at her for leaving without permission as well as driving without a license among other things. We told the ex what happen with hopes of support instead she came at me ranting and raving that I had no right to yell at her daughter for stealing a car and she would have yelled at her (opened my eyes to understand why the SD is so spoiled). Then she told me that she called protective services on me and that I better clean my house. My house is spotless and many people have told me my house looks like a bed and breakfast. I felt violated. Nothing every came of it because I personally called protective services to see if she can just call Protective Services when I didn't do anything wrong. They said they do not get involved in cases like this. They deal with abuse and such not disciplining a child for stealing a car. I don't understand why the EX is always trying to work against us. I have always been open and willing to discuss things like adults but she insists on calling me the "non-parent" and keeps taking us to court to try to win custody and the judge keeps telling her no. I am sick to my stomach. The kids have now somewhat turned against me, my SO is in a tail spin, and we have a court case coming soon. Sometimes, I just want to run fast in the other direction but I think why should I let her beat me down and win, she is a freaking loser that is immature and a total jealous freak. She helps with nothing and never comes to see the kids in their sports and activities.
I feel like, should I stay or should I go if I stay, I definitely think there will be more trouble to come. The SS will be graduating soon and the SD has a few more years (sigh). I really don't blame the kids, they are in a battle of tug o war.
I hope the best for you.
Man, that is insane!! It's
Man, that is insane!! It's awful being treated like a low class criminal JUST because you are around someones elses kid!
I moved to be with SO, an hour and a half from my home town, I brought my two BS's with me, but I left my BD11 with her Dad (better school for her there), I just don't think all this sh!t is worth it
I hope things get better for you too ((hugs))