FDH was telling me he talked to BM yesterday about what the doctor said about possible Asperger's diagnosis for SD. I was nice but frank about it and told him I'd read through the questionnaire they gave him and only saw a couple of questions that seemed to apply to her. I told him that I would be shocked if that was the diagnosis.

Surprisingly, he pretty much agreed. We talked about some of her specific behaviors that were mentioned and I said that SOME of them seemed to apply but most didn't. For example "Often says things that others think are rude". I told him that definitely is the case and she doesn't seem to realize it but we both agreed we BOTH do that. I know I have a sharp tongue and sometimes my responses (especially with humor) come across as rude when that's not my intention. Led to a good discussion over psych tests and the concept that "everyone has some of these traits but that doesn't make us all of XYZ diagnosis".

He also said that the doctor had not really spent any time with her yet and had only briefly met her and heard some of what he had to say about her. When she met her, SD was her typical weird self and sort of whined and acted odd. So I could see why that came to mind. This doctor specializes in testing/diagnosis so when she spends actual time with SD and does her work-up, she will likely come to a different conclusion.

The good news is that I think that glimmer of hope I saw the night before in him was just temporary and misguided. As I said yesterday, some part of him just wants an answer. I know he's struggling as he doesn't understand why she is this way and the other three kids were not. I told him yesterday that "Look, all 4 kids are different. My brother was this way and the other three sibs were not. You have one very stubborn child and that's been reinforced. It will take some undoing." Anyway, he's seeing things a little more clearly now.

Speaking of diagnoses, I was looking into Oppositional Defiannt Disorder. If there is anything that sounds like SD to me, THAT is it. Every single symptom... But again, I think she's probably just strong-willed and has been reinforced over and over again by her parents so she thinks she can do whatever she wants. And the reality is, if she has any disorder, they'd still have to step up their parenting. It's not like the doc is going to hand them a drug.

One thing the doc said that rang very true to me was this:
"Right now, SD is the rock and the entire family is crashing around her. We are going to have to work on changing that around so that everyone else is the rock and SHE is the one crashing against you all until she can learn to navigate and control herself". AMEN. Basically- she is running the show and we're all reacting versus the other way around. How many times have I said that?