As most of you know, my SD17 sued us when she turned 14 to live with BM. Quick re-cap, we gave up custody and my SS15 sued his mom to live with us. Now, we have him and BM has her. SD17 has not been in this house in almost over three years. She destroyed my new marriage and basically left me with PTSD over the whole situation. Not to mention the money we spent on lawyers...

Now, my SS15 goes to school with her and they do not see each other than the occasional passing in the hall. He basically hates her. She bullied him for years. We have never done anything to push them to see each other in this time and neither has BM. She takes SS out to dinner once a month for an hour and brings him back home. DH sees SD17 about once a month on and off for lunch and that is it...He has taken her to a BB game for her birthday. That is it...

This young lady is not who she could have been because of PAS. SS is doing great with us. She is not with BM. Drinking, drugs and failing classes. DH and I had an argument about a month ago because his family flew her out again for a week in the summer to see them in ABQ. He and I had agreed that he wouldn't keep things from me and he did about this. Courtesy of the family, I got to see it on Facebook. We had been doing so good and our marriage was solid. I asked to no longer discuss her in the house and if he was going to see her, send me an email and that would suffice to keep me in the loop and stop the arguments. It worked for almost a year.

Well during this argument, a lot of stuff came out. SD is lonely and BM is not spending anytime with her. He thinks she is suicidal and a wreck. She was in a hospital a few years ago with issues after this happened. We were not privy to any of that since BM had PAS'd us out of the process. He said he wanted to let her go see his family to get closer to her. Not sure how that was going to work, but whatever. He starts crying...Fast forward, I get more information and finally tell him, fine if you are this concerned, than we need a plan and we need to start implementing it since she is almost 18 and this is over.

Plan was for him to take her to lunch, he and her and discuss her possibly going on a small vacation with us. Without my son, since I am not getting him involved in this mess and he is off at school.

DH did on Sunday and now she said yes she wanted to go away with us. Why? After three years, you now want a family? A family you nearly destroyed. I don't want to take her out to dinner, since that is in public and I don't like who she is and don't want anyone to see her with us and I don't know how she dresses and the piercings.

So I agreed to her coming for family dinner on Sunday here. What the hell was I thinking? At least cooking will keep me busy....I have not slept well the last few days since I agreed to this. She will now see that her pics in the house are mostly gone and replaced with pictures of us and the boys on happy vacations. Things she was not included in. I don't want to hurt her, but she nearly destroyed me. I now seem to hate all teenage girls and have such a lack of respect for them. My friends are telling me not to do this. My mom is telling me to, but telling me not to talk to her, since that always set her off. Maybe she is lonely and needs a family. But, she walked out on this one. She nearly destroyed my husband. We focused a lot on us and that saved us. I do not want to go back to that mess again.

This child is a mess and as a mom, want to help. But, I was so damaged by BM and SD saying that I was evil and I caused this mess because I had too many rules. Those same rules, that go BS off to college on a full scholarship at the #2 engineering school in the country. Those same rules that SS15 is thriving under with A's and B's last year. I have disengaged with him and am just now, starting back in...What a mess...This also means, that I am sure BM will surface again. She never contacts DH anymore since she goes right to SS to coordinate their meetings. SD17 will not live here, not without some serious mea culpa.

I seriously need to play some golf before this dinner, so at least I am relaxed. A bottle of wine would help too....