I want to thank everyone here for sharing their stories so honestly! It has been more helpful for me to read your experiences and advice on here than all the months of counseling I have tried to help me with the whole "step" issue. I have finally come to the conclusion that I had to disengage, it has been very helpful for me, but frustrating for DH. He thinks I hate his kids. I don't hate them, but I don't like them either. If they were random kids I met in a Sunday School Class or any other place they would not be children I would choose to be around. He thinks that I don't try, well, I did try, a lot for a long time. It was so stressful I turned into another person on the Friday's I knew they were coming to the house....I was crabby and would eventually just retreat into my own shell. The disengagement is better for me, but not for DH.
I have 3 SKs, however the sd14 does not come to stay with DH anymore as she has written him off as the worst dad in the world etc etc, I know you all know the drill. That leaves SS11 and SD4, from different BMs, both of which are crazy and much more invested in getting back at/hurting DH than in making their kids lives better. Did I mention that BM's are suddenly best friends, and they used to HATE one another. I do not communicate with either of them, when we are at a sporting event or school function we do not speak, but neither does DH speak to either of them. The Skids are disrespectful of me, but never so that DH can see it. SS11 I seriously feel has some sort of disorder that makes social interactions very awkward. He is fine with his grandparents, sibling and dad, but throw anyone else into the mix and he has no social skills. He will ask the same question 5-10 times, even tho you already answered it. if you speak to him first he mumbles or speaks into his chest so you cannot hear him. He also lies ALL THE TIME, about things that are just ridiculous, like running in a 5K with his mom, or eating an entire package of oreos. He follows DH around the house constantly, if DH leaves the room you have about a 3 count before he or his sister is saying........where's DH? DH has a LOT of guilt and the fact that SD14 will not visit him anymore makes it worse because he is constantly in fear that this will happen with the other two as well. I don't enjoy myself at all on weekends skids are around, I do plan other things, even got a second job on weekends to get me out of the house and out of the obligation of doing "family" things with them, but at some point I have to come home and it is awkward and uncomfortable the entire time we are in the house together. I wonder if anyone at all out there has stuck around and is HAPPY they did, or do you wish you got out???