How can 2 year-olds hate me that much?
Hi everyone, this is my first post!
(okay, second, the first didn't work!)
I am new to the step parent role. My girlfriend and I live together adn she has twin boys that are 2. I have my own kids, but that's another post...
The twins seem to hate me. How can this be? They're only 2! They won't give me hugs or kisses or even say hi sometimes. They don't greet me when I come in the door or say good morning back when I see them in the morning. If I try to play with them or touch them they say "No!" and sometimes try to hit me (as 2 year olds sometimes do). I confess, they are not like this all the time. It's maybe 75% of the time. But it really hurts. I find myself getting angry at them or hating them as a kind of defense against them being able to hurt me like that. I keep thinking to myself, they're only two, what am I supposed to do? If they were older I could see leaving them be. But they can't even tell me why they are upset. All my interaction with them is turning to something negative so much that I am starting to just ignore them out of spite.
Should I back away? Should I force my love? (with my own kids when they were that young, they couldn't get away with telling me no kisses or replying to my "Good Morning" with "No!") But, they're not really my kids and I know they don't love me like they love their mom. I don't know what to do. 
This pretty much normal
This pretty much normal toddler behavior. Toddlers are very possessive over their parents.
When DH and I married SS6 was 18months. When DH would hug me or kiss me he would get very upset. He would say NO! My daddy! And push me away. You can't take it personally. They do not have the ability to express their feelings verbally.
Don't force it. If you want to interact with them. Get a toy, coloring book, or whatever sit on the floor and start playing with it. Then invite them to come play. If they don't come that's ok. Just leave the door open for them. Eventually, they will come around. It took awhile but eventually SS got used to me.
Balls, bouncy balls. They
Balls, bouncy balls. They can't resist them. It's part of the boy code.
1. Must have balls.
2. Must throw, kick, hold, roll on balls.
3. If there are puddles, must run thru them.
4. If there is a pond or stream must throw rocks or sticks into it.
And planes, trains and
And planes, trains and automobiles are also a BIG part of the boy code. They just seem to be naturally interested in these.
If you want to try, get some cars that are age appropriate and see if he'll get on the floor and play with you. I would bet that he won't be saying NO to that or the bouncy ball.
They are normal 2 year olds.
They are normal 2 year olds. The problem is how you are reacting to it. Don't try to force them to play with you, and don't be spiteful, thats awful. You shouldn't be reacting out of spite towards babies. Go in easy. Pick them up if they fall but dont make a fuss, just a quick pick up and as you put then down just a quick you okay and leave it. Invite them outside or to watch Sesame Street whatever with you, if they say no, leave it. Just don't be pushy. That being said, if they are out and out rude to you, and 2 year olds can be very rude, your girlfriend HAS TO immediately JUMP ON THAT, and she has to be consistent with it. Her reaction to how they treat you is really the most important thing here. If she takes the their only 2 approach, or the it's all new to them, give them time, and does not address their manners, your sunk. These kids will listen to their mother and if she's displeased by their rudeness, and tells them so, they will pull it in. You cannot force anyone to like you, especially kids, so I agree, give them time, but in that time, their mother has to deal with the tone in their voice, their attempts to hit you etc., if she doesn't, if she's enjoying the fact that they "love her more" and fails to support you and teach them manners, as I said, your sunk. Forget the kids behaviour, deal with their mothers response to it.
Thank you everyone. It's hard
Thank you everyone. It's hard because I have been living with them since they were about 12 months old and I guess I just thought being with them at such a young age would make a difference. This is all good advice.
Well you do have to factor in
Well you do have to factor in they are two, Two year olds should be deep frozen till they're three. But I have always believed this year is the most crucial. If you can't reign them in at 2 you will,have no hope at 22. Mum needs to know that. Raising kids is hard. They will hate parents just because we set boundaries, make them visit grandma, won't let them stay at a friends overnight, or simply sing quite loudly to them in the supermarket :). It's just the circle of life, don't take it too personally. Don't force them to like you. Parents don't feel he need to do that, well not at this age anyway. If you just act a bit more naturally, if you just accept your role as their stepfather, and most importantly if you and your wife are on the same page, it will all fall into place. But you two have to work as a team. That applies in all families bio or step. Mum and dad need to be a team. Good luck. Most of us barely survive one child coming through the terrible two's. you've got two of them.
Don't take it personally, my
Don't take it personally, my SD3 knows only of me and her Dad being together. (She was 8mo when we got together) and she does this to me know. She is very possessive over daddy, where as my DD18mo is the total opposite, and will yell at my FH when he trys to kiss/hug me. And she knows him as dad, he's been with my DD since birth.
Its normal. Don't think too much into it, a two year olds mind isn't that complex. Lol