BM wants to make peace offering and get along with me.

Forums:

I was the one who previously wrote a forum topic on "step daughter is ruining my life"

Anyways now I get a text message from BM saying that she now sees what SD's father and I have been seeing and that we are right. She wants me to go to my older SD's bday dinner (who is an adult) and to be able to talk to us. I have spent the last 12 years not being able to trust her and I had to learn that the hard way because I am too nice. Anyways just looking for thoughts on it.

Here are my initial thoughts, I prefer her to call me to talk about it, not text and certainly not at a bday dinner. Also with this bday dinner, I do not plan to go because I am not ready to see my SD that has ruined me for so long. If you read the other forum that I wrote, she is into drugs, pregnant, only wants money from us (which she doesn't get) and her father has already cut her out. I have since then talked with my hubby and letting him make the decisions on whether she is in our life again or not (talking about Rotton SD). If my husband were to allow her back in, I plan to be civil with her only if she is being respectful and keeping her bad side away from my daughters. I after this 3 year saga plan to never consider her like a bio child to me again. The damage has been too bad and my husband (bio dad) and I or our together children do not need to go through this EVER again.

Thoughts on BM wanting to make peace offering.

Lucy: I promise to hold the

Lucy: I promise to hold the football; come on kick it!
Charlie Brown: No, you always pull it away.
Lucy: I promise, I wont this time. Come on kick the ball...

You know how that story goes.

It's an inappropriate venue for that discussion, if you have that discussion at all. I wouldn't. Seriously, what has changes? You put up a boundary. You don't have to defend it or discuss it with anyone. Add to that the fact that SD is an adult. Parenting is done, let alone co-parenting. "Thanks, but no thanks, I'm not interested in discussing it," should suffice.

Thank you for the Charlie

Thank you for the Charlie brown situation...I needed the laugh today and it worked. Seriously

It's one of my favorites! So

It's one of my favorites! So true.

They don't know how to be.

I never bought into the I have suddenly changed, please be my friend. BM burned me twice on that so that I now refuse to do jack shit for her.

Yep. My thoughts, I let her

Yep. My thoughts, I let her embarrassingly do this to me many times. I guess I always wanted to just be a peace maker in this whole mess but I cant anymore. I am worn out. 12 years, all the stuff I have gone through being the main person to deal with BM and her psycho ways, I just cant anymore. I think my big heart got a bit colder through out this. Especially with the way SD has been for 4 years. I found myself cheering on the day she turned adult. I may be civil at weddings or occasions like that but to be a friend..ummm nope. I just don't trust myself to keep the cold heart that's why I needed advice on it. The more I listen to the advice I get the more I realize that deep down I have always wanted BM out of my life. I also learned on here that I need to help myself more instead of everyone else. I will always put my biological children ahead of me though. They are who I live for. They make this crazy mess worth it because I look at them and realize that if I hadn't gone through all this crap then I would not have them. They are worth it.

If you're at all interested

If you're at all interested in talking about it, arrange to do it somewhere you are familiar with. Without a crowd.

Why would you take the peace

Why would you take the peace offering or even be interested? Crazo burned the bridge to the ground with me. It cannot be resurrected nor do I want it to be. It is done.

Also my rules to live by :

4. My husband chose his former wife to be his children's mother. He must take responsibility for the consequences of that choice for himself and his children.
5. Whatever dynamic exists between my husband and his former wife does not involve me. They must work together for their children's benefit.

They don't really work together, you cannot reason or have an intelligent conversation with a crazy acting person, but what ever work is done, it doesn't involve me to communicate with her in any way. Not my ex not my problem.

Thank you and sad that I got

Thank you and sad that I got to this point after both my SDs became adults. I can only laugh at myself now. Anyways great advice, thank you. I want to be free from my hubby's ex and the one SD who is out of line.

I do understand why you

I do understand why you posted it. In your heart you are a kind person and wanted to believe the best, even for a few moments.

Yes the circumstances could better if you were dealing with you, but you are dealing with a crazy ex and an unbelievably selfish SD.

Sorry.

Don't do it. Happened to me.

Don't do it.

Happened to me. I didn't accept her peace offering, but she thought I did & kept calling & trying to be buddy buddy. Then one day text me like 300 texts cussing me out for one reason or another. Now she has zero contact.

Should have been that way from the beginning.

From what little I know, this

From what little I know, this is not an olive branch being extended. My guess is daughter has roped mom in to work as an agent for her and you are the roast they will be serving up at her b-day party for all of her friends and family to see.

Trust your gut on this one ... my guess is that it's a set up.

Yes bad SD has roped her mom

Yes bad SD has roped her mom against us many times and its me who they attack, they know what to say that will hurt me. They know attacking Bio Dad will get them no where. That did cross my mind of being the roast at the party. The party is for my Good SD that's what makes it hard. I do have a SD that is really good to her father and I and has always done things to impress us. I have one SD who is with drugs and doing all sorts of nasty stuff to us and one that has worked her butt off since the age of 14 and is on her last year of college doing well. This good SD comes to us for advice on everything, we are her main source of parents. That's why its hard to miss her dinner. I will however be running a 5k color run with good SD in a couple weeks and thought maybe to tell her that is when her father and I will take her out to eat alone and give her a present from us. I know she will understand.

Send her this message: You

Send her this message:

You are dead to me. I do not see dead people. I do not talk to dead people.

^^^now that is funny^^^! I am

^^^now that is funny^^^! I am tucking that away just in case I would get an opportunity to use it.

Yes that is hilarious! I may

Yes that is hilarious! I may use this one when she calls me today.

I just wouldn't even respond.

I just wouldn't even respond. I want nothing to do with my ss15. Too much has happened that seriously nothing would ever make me forgive him and have a relationship with him. I think it would be awesome if he'd change at some point and be a good person-he's not quite grown so I guess there is always that slim possibility but too much has happened for me to witness it or ever give him anymore chances.

As far as bm? Eh. Who cares? I have no contact with her because I have no contact with her son. I realized earlier today that it has quite literally been close to 5 years since I've even spoke to her. If she called me up and wanted to pals-I'd just not be interested. She did attempt to contact me about 5 years ago through dh-wanted to apologize for blaming me for all of ss's issues and that she now realized it was never me. I'm glad for her sake, ss's sake that she finally got it. Got some small satisfaction that she finally realized I was right all along-BUT quite frankly I was not interested in hearing her apology-had no desire to talk to her or hear anything she had to say as I simply did not care. Dh wanted me to listen to her-said he thought it would make me feel better-I simply told him that I knew I was right a long time ago and didn't need bm to give me her blessing.

It seems to me that if a

It seems to me that if a grown adult needs to offer a "peace offering" to have civil, normal conversations, it's probably not an adult I'd want anywhere near me.

If she wants to be sane and reasonable, she can PROVE OVER TIME that she's capable of it. Until then, I would ignore her and all the drama that comes with her.

Me, personally, I woukd not

Me, personally, I woukd not spend one more second thinking about this ridiculous request. Skids are adults. Making peace is not on my radar. BM is now nonexistent in my world, and I don't have to get along with her. I couldn't care less what she wants. My own family is my priority, not someone else's.

I'm sure the BM has an

I'm sure the BM has an ulterior motive.

My SD is 22. My husband and I have not spoken to BM in almost 4 years, there is no need. Now that's peace.

BM called, I put her on

BM called, I put her on speaker so Bio Dad could listen. I explained the rules to her and I think I surprised the hell out of her.

Rules:

1. Both SDs are now adults, no need to co parent anymore with me or bio dad

2. I will not and do not plan to see bad SD anytime in the near future, nor do I wish to speak to her. BM let me know bad SD is taking her for a run for her money also and that she is done with her and cried saying that bio dad and I were right. What ever.

3. We can be civil at things like wedding and babies that is fine but in between we really have nothing to talk about.

4. If there are any concerns or any emergencies to contact bio dad first not me. I then explained for 12 years I was the middle man and I now retire from that.

5. Now that SDs are adults if we want to do anything for their bday's they can be done on separate days. They can celebrate with her on one day and celebrate with us on another, no need to do this stuff together.

6. She is not in control anymore of bio dad he is my husband and I told her unless it pertains to the adult children and it is an emergency she has no need to speak to him. We live in another town hours away and do not need to make time for her.

She basically wanted to vent to me as she has been living with bad SD and seeing everything we did with her drug use and combative attitude. I was smiling the entire conversation behind her back thinking its about time you get a taste of what we had for 4 years. I kept the conversation to the phone only and do not plan on meeting her anywhere when we head home to see family. She is not my family.

thank you for all that posted