Hard to believe that it's been a year already. Where did the time go. I guess time really does fly when you're having fun. Well, it wasn't an entire year of fun. Let's be honest about that one upfront. The first few months were hell, and much like a recovering alcoholic, I got through it all, one day at a time. There IS life after StepHell and it can be glorious. For those contemplating leaving, more power to you. For those still fiercely battling for salvation, my best wishes always. I do not judge because everyone owns their own story and it's up to YOU what kind of ending you make of it. Stay/Go... just find a way to have some peace in your heart. Not for anyone else, just for you.

Lot's of things have happened in my year of Freedom. I learned to listen to myself more. You know, that little voice of reason that you sometimes block out because it might offend your SO or the sks. Don't block it out. Listen to it. It's there for a reason. Follow your gut, it will never lie to you.

I also learned forgiveness. Which can be soooo hard when dealing with hurt feelings/ego's (yours and others.) I forgave my xH for his failings (more to the point, what I saw as his failings.) I forgave myself for ignoring what I knew deep down... that I would always be last on the list. Yes, I knew (and deep down, those of you who are self aware know this too, lol.) People will tell you whatever you want to hear. Ignore what you hear. Watch their actions, because that is where the proof is truly found.

I learned that even at my age, there are alot of single & childless men out there who are HOT! lol. Though I haven't dated anyone seriously because I decided to wait until I get MYSELF back to my new normal. I say 'new normal' because the step situation leaves indelible scars, it's just a fact of life. I no longer view them as battle wounds. I refer to them as my badges of honor. I survived, so it's honorable, lol.

I (re)learned that dogs ROCK! (Never could have one while married b/c 1 kid was allergic.) Seriously, my bestie is so awesome. He taught me how to have fun again. So, I rescued him and he rescued me right back. His manners are way better than most kids these days.

There are times, (and I said this to another poster earlier today) that I still miss my xH. Times when I miss US. (The US we were when the skids weren't the center of the universe, or so I thought.) We were good together. However, I really missed ME. He was right, I had changed, and not for the better. I tried to twist myself up in to a version that was unacceptable.... TO ME. I let go of me, in exchange for fleeting peace that never stayed long enough to be enjoyed. That's the part of my story that I own outright. These days, I AM me, and so much happier than I ever thought I would be. Long road, good journey.

I still come here and read, (it keeps me honest with myself.) I post sometimes, when I feel like I have something to add.
Lately, I've been seeing a lot of SM's/SF's contemplating leaving. My words of wisdom to you.... when you've truly had enough, you'll find a way to leave. You don't need anyone's permission or encouragement to do what you need to do for YOU....but, it does help to know that so many people here care enough to share their time, wisdom, and experience. Makes the road a less lonely place.

Cheers to all! Wishing everyone the absolute best!