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Montego_Blue08's picture

Submitted by Montego_Blue08 on Thu, 08/01/2013 - 11:02am

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Blended Family Issues

Hello,

Just wanted to introduce myself and explain a little about my situation. I'm seeking advise, I am 28 years old a mother to a wonderful 8 year old boy and I am dating a man who is 44 with two children both boys ages 8 and 15. We have been dating for a year now and marriage has been our focus for the near future. I joined this forum because my family and friends have never been in this situation and are unable to give any real advise or sympathize with the challenges we are starting to face by merging our family's. My son is very easy going and has accepted this new situation easily but he has a hard time getting along with my boyfriends son (they are both Dirol my son is my only child and his father has never been involved. My boyfriend is an amazing parent, he is very devoted and loving to his children as well as mine. This is where we are having problems as I'm sure most of you already know. Both of his children are having issues with my boyfriend wanting to fill in that fatherly role that my son so needs. The younger one told my son "he is my dad not yours and he never will be" this crushed my son and things between them have not been the same. Even my boyfriend was very disturbed by this and I think he is having his own issues with loyalty. This happened about a month ago. Then this past two weeks my boyfriends son approached us and said he thought my boyfriend loved me more then him. This has created problems between my boyfriend and I.

I feel this horrible mix of feelings, I'm hurt but I'm trying to be understanding I feel guilty but angry this has all happened. I don't know how to handle things now what do I do when we are all together again over the weekend??

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Thu, 08/01/2013 - 3:52pm

Wow! :jawdrop:

Your BF's kid is a little shit starting brat! I would go apeshit on that kid if he ever said that to my kid, true or not, that was SO beyond rude and hurtful. And the fact that he said that BF loves you more than him...that kid has SERIOUS jealousy and insecurity issues. If your bf is such a doting father as you say and I am sure that he is wtf is wrong with this kid that he would say such hurtful things to your kid & bf? Is there a BM involved that is most likely putting this crap in his head?! Wow...just WOW!

My heart goes out to you.... Sad

Montego_Blue08's picture

Submitted by Montego_Blue08 on Wed, 08/07/2013 - 9:20am

Thank you so much! I accidentally posted this twice so I didn't see your responses till now. There are two BMs the oldest is easier to deal with bc he has a good sense of what's going on and he is at the age where he is doing his own thing so his concern is mostly about his younger brother. They are both good caring kids and I mean that 100%. My SS though is a very emotional child. I'm not sure exactly where it comes from maybe it's just his personality or maybe it's his BM. I get along with her fine and all but I must say she is very "out there" her parenting from what I've seen and heard also from her child is strange. She has done a few things that I would NEVER do as a parent. She will leave my SS alone while she runs errands which I believe is illegal bc he is only 8 years old. She hangs out and party's with people half her age which I don't see how you could have anything in common. So yeah she kinda freaks me out. I'm not sure if maybe he hasn't had enough nurturing from her and maybe that's where the insecurity comes from...but I do care about him and I want to help him feel more secure if I can. But on the other hand he is very smart and I've seen him manipulate to get his way and really do not want to feed into that.