Adult SS Now Supposedly A Nicer Person!
Need to vent! I am in the process of disengaging from Step kids as a result of previous good advice from others on this forum and I have to say I feel so much peace in doing so. It is; however, still difficult to watch these adult stepmonsters continue to manipulate their father and others.
Some background - Adult SS 35 has had blatant almost violent temper tantrums over the years as an adult whenever he felt he was entitled to something and his father would or could not provide it. He has also displayed this behavior to others in the family whenever he did not get his way. He has also tried to instigate my husband's family members against my husband behind his back just to try to get symapthy and/or to get his way! Unfortunately it has worked with some of them and I have written these relatives out of my life as a result.
As I mentioned in my earlier posts, he really went over the top when my husband's mother passed away and he was not given what he felt he was entitled to despite the fact that he was not mentioned in the will. One of my husband's brothers (BIL) has a son (S 40 ) that my ss 35 is close with despite their living on opposite sides of the country since BIL's divorce from his son's mother over 30 years ago!
This closeness was enhanced by SS 35's crazy vindictive BM who always entertained BIL's adult kids when they were in town so that they could enter into a big slam fest of their respective fathers and their families. SS 35 has on more than one occaision called up BIL to curse him out and to inform him that he is a "terrible father" etc etc. Of course this destroyed my guilt ridden BIL despite the age of his adult kids! The last time SS 35 did this was because BIL would not pay to fly his adult 40 year old son and his two grandchildren across country to visit for christmas! Adult SS 35 became irate that BIL would not pay for these airline tickets because SS 35 wanted to see his cousin! But I mean who but my entitled SS 35 would feel that someone other than the 40 year old should pay for his own airline tickets if he wanted to come! I mean come on! I was raised to believe that you paid for such things yourself once you were an adult! 40 year old must not have wanted to come bad enough because he did not offer to pay for his own tickets!
As a result of this disturbing attack BIL and SIL would no longer have anything to do with SS 35. I can't say that I blame them. This had been going on since last Fall. Of course SS 35 had stopped talking to his own father about 1 week after his grandmother's funeral so it has been about a year since he has talked ot his father at this point!
Out of the blue about 5 weeks ago SS 35 calls up BIL and says he wants to meet with him. BIL meets with SS 35 and SS 35 proceeds to apologize for all of his earlier ugliness towards him telling him that he has now changed, that he is a nicer person now, and that he is now on medication for his problems ......
Well, I waited to see if this "nicer person" would try to make amends to his father and/or myself. Like I said it's been 5 weeks and he has made absolutely no effort to contact his father! Maybe his dosage is too low. LOL! I think 5 weeks is long enough that he sould have contacted his father as he would not even return his father's last phone calls to him!
Based upon past history, I doubt that he is this nicer person he describes - more than likely he is manipulating for sonmething - we just have not found out yet!
It may sound terible to sound so jaded but this is what I have come to anticipate.....
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Comments
Whacko
It sounds like he has figured out his little rant is not getting him anywhere. I am sure he knows how to reach his dad if he feels like explaining himself, and his 'condition'!
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Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.
William Shakespeare, "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 2 scene 2He Knows How to Reach Dad and How to Manipulate
He knows how to reach his Dad - especially when he wants to curse him out on his sister's behalf which he did the last time he called him. SS 35 called because SD 32 was mad at her Dad and she called SS 35 in to act on her behalf - we refer to it as the tag team match as they take turns doing this!
I susspect that there really is no "condition" that is being treated - SS 35 more than likely is just using this as an excuse for indefensibe past behavior so that he can manipulate everyone else in the family to believing that he was not responsible for his past bad behavior!
Still waiting for that "nicer" person to show!
Its been over 7 weeks and that self described nicer person who chose to make amends with his uncle weeks ago still can not be bothered to pick up the phone to talk to his Dad!
But it dawned on me why he may have decided to make amends with this relative. I think that he realized he needed to make nice with this Uncle to gather information about his father's joint business venture with his Uncle! After all - every phone conversation SS 35 has had with his father ends up with SS 35 grilling his father over what he monitarily has or owns etc. For SS 35 its always money, money, money!
Despite not talking to his father he has contacted just about every other relative of my husbands that will still talk to him so it is obvious that he is working behind the scenes on something. It actually seems more than a little obsessive to me for him to be contacting all of these people that he has no real relationship with! (If you will recall he tried unsuccessfully to contact my minor BDs and they would have nothing to do with him!) He is even contacting cousins that he verbally said he could not stand( a million differant times!), one who's wedding he tried to ruin etc. There seems to be no level below which he will not stoop and I know that he did not all of a sudden wake up one day and realize that he really liked these people and realize that he missed them! He is using them. They tell us they are humoring him by talking to him but to be bluntly honest it sounds like they are really scared of him.
Since SS 35 is a complete user I now assume that this "nicer person" is trying to make amends with the only relative that can give him the lowdown on his father's business. What a shame that he will expend all of that effort and time, as well as all of the effort expended to make nice to people he really can't stand) to only in the end find out such unrewarding financial news!
What is scary is that once SS 35 finally exhausts all of these stalkerish avenues with no success what will he be capable of then???? He does not seem interested in making his own way in this world and saving his own money - he instead seems fixated on what he erroneously feels he is owed by his father (BM reinforced thse ideas for over 27 years now so how easy is it going to be for this grown man to realize he is or should be responsible for himself!) Heck - if you read earlier blogs you will see where adult stepkids act as though we should be responsible for assisting BM's bad decisions! This despite the fact that BM has not been married to their father for over 28 years and she was married to her second husband longer than their father! It's like they are all leeches that won't go away!
If any BMs read this just let me say upfront that what goes around comes around. In my case my BM went out of her way to let me know I was to have no say in her chidren's lives, that they did not nor would ever love me etc. These were her ground rules and I played by them (for the most part) for 27 years so their Dad could see them. These stepkids are grwon now and now the shoe is on the other foot.
All of a sudden BM and adult stepkids think that because I have money I should dole out to them as adults the same as I do my minor biokids. I think not. I gave what their father and I could afford when we raised them. These adult stepkids have gone out of their way to openly be ugly to me over and over. I have never openly responded but that does not mean that their actions did not have an effect on me.
That affect at this time means that no I will not spend one dime of my money on them again - they do not deserve it!
So beware what you ask for because you may end up with consequences that you were not quite expecting! BM and Skids are now reaping the benefit of their actions all of these years!