it was horrible. he was emotionally abusive and cheated constantly. I stayed for my son and because I knew that leaving him would mean tons of conflict. I knew I had places to go if I had to but I just was so beaten down I felt I wasn't able to leave. The final straw was knowing he was cheating AGAIN and a startling realization that I never really loved him in the first place and that I was just young and dumb.
When I did leave finally I ended up living in a hotel for a month until getting a place. He locked me out of the house and away from my son and my possessions but eventually he began begging me to come back...at that point I said I'd rather spend every night in hell than come back to him. But guess what? I have my son, I have most of my stuff back and I'm doing ok. If I ever had to leave my DH because of various struggles...I wouldn't wait like I did with my ex, I'd just go and cut my losses. Who cares about what I'm leaving behind, I'll land on my feet no matter what because the definition of landing on your feet is being confident and happy with your choices.
Sometimes leaving doesn't have to be forever either...

Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha

I was so young I tried over and over to keep my family in tact because I didn't want my son to grow through what I went through with having stepparents.
One day I just got tired of him stealing from me, disappearing days on end, putting my son in danger while I am at work (leaving an 18 month old home alone), that I just packed a bag full of clothes, formula, diapers, etc. and said I was leaving and not coming back. His response? "OK"
From there I went to a Domestic Violence shelter and I had NOTHING. No job, still didn't finish college, and all I had for myself were the clothes on my back and a few underclothes. It was awful, I had a curfew, roommates, etc. Luckily my son was so young he doesn't remember. I enrolled myself back in school and even got a job. I slowly built myself back up.
When it came to my son's father, I really cared for him, but I could see that it wouldn't work. Everytime I felt that we were moving ahead and making progress, like saving money, buying nice things, him finding a good job, he would just do something to bring us all back to the start. I knew that when I got older my son would never forgive me for staying with him. What kind of role model would he be?
Since then he has moved on, he even has another kid. But he is always telling me how I am the love of his life. Yuck. He is so gross to me.
Anyway, I went on to finish school, get my degree and now have a good job. FH and I work hard for the things we have and I glad to have him in my life.

When I left my ex, after trying and trying I stuck it out alittle bit until I saved enough money for an apartment for me and my bs2 at the time. I worked full time paid the bills took care of the house and my son anyway, while he owned his own bussiness (which was a beer drinking fest everyday)
I knew I had done everything I could to try to save the relationship but I was a single mother with mens clothes in my closet. So I left and had more closet space and made a new happier life for myself. It was a struggle but It felt good to do what was best for me and bs and it felt good to know I didn't need to stay when I had a chance to meet someone who really was good for me in the future

I believe it was when he agin chose not to consider my feelings when it came to former SS. He jumped all over what the BM wanted/ us to keep SS more regardless of our weekend plans.

We got into an ugly argument at dawn that day, where he threatened to hurt himslef and go to the police to say I did it. I was under a bombardment of emotional abuse from this man and really came to believe that I was 'crazy'.

Now, 5 months later, I am divorced and very happy.

For me, my wellbeing has always been a priority. There were some of my 'friends' that chose to criticize me and say that I must not have loved him enough, but in my book, love does not equal hurt.

As far as the finances, I have been fortunate enough to have a good career and I just decided to cut my losses--kinda.

I was also fortunate enough in having a great support system in my family and friends. And, though for a while, my life seemed bleak, not it is intense and very, very happy ; )

One can only hope!

There was a false end and a real end. The false end was where I almost left him (and frankly, should have, but I decided to give him one more chance). We were driving back from a party one night and started to bicker. We weren't, as far as I could tell, having an argument yet -- just sniping at each other. We were on the freeway going 55+, and all of a sudden he slammed on the brakes in the middle of the freeway, coming to a dead stop in the center lane. As we were rear-ended from behind, he was reaching for my throat. (Strange that I was actually grateful for the car that rear-ended us -- who knows what he would have done to me.) He had never been physical with me before. The next day, after a lot of soul searching, I sat him down and told him that I was demanding that we start going to counseling. (I had decided that if he said anything but Yes, I would leave.) He agreed, so we went to counseling for a few months, and things got marginally better.

About a year later, we had an argument where basically the stalemate was that he felt he should be able to make a unilateral decision about stopping working for other people and opening his own business. I said I would support him on that, but only if he took some steps like taking a class in running a small business, making an appointment with a bank to talk about finances and credit, etc., and coming up with a business plan that he would discuss with a colleague in his field. He flat-out refused all of this, because I "didn't know anything about it" and decided to stonewall me. After a few hours of existing in a completely silent house and knowing that he would be refusing to talk to me AGAIN for days until I apologized and recanted absolutely everything I said, essentially allowing him to be "right", I realized I couldn't do that. (He had an employment history that made me feel it was absolutely necessary to ask for these stipulations.) That night, I got out of bed, sat down at my desk, and started making a list of things I would need to do when the marriage ended. A week later, at the therapist's office, we broke up. I haven't seen him since. It was the best decision of my life.

BB

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

ex for 22 years. Things started going down hill around the 12th year I'd say. His drinking was getting worse and affecting our income and our life and our daughter's life. But I stayed until our daughter graduated HS. Probably for 4 years prior I wanted out so badly. I would sit and write down how much money I made (I knew I couldn't depend on him for any CS) and how much I could afford to pay for rent, but it just never came out in the positive. By the time I finally left (my ex was 18 years older than me) he was only getting social security (lost his business) for himself and our daughter since she was still in HS. He was resonsible for one thing our rent. I paid everything else, food, cars, insurance, school expenses, clothes, etc. I got a call from our landlord at work one day and she asked me where our rent was. It was the 20th of the month and he hadn't paid it. So I figured if we had to move out and start over in another place, I might as well do it by myself, by myself. He obviously had used most of the money for alcohol. So I told him our daughter and I were moving out. My dad helped me with deposits and first months rent and the rest was up to me. We moved into a small 1 bedroom apartment, after HS my daughter started working and then she contributed toward rent and we moved to a 2 bedroom. My daughter is now 29 years old and she just told me not too long ago that she knew we were going to divorce when she was 12 and cited a certain incident where he had been physical with me. She just didn't understand why I waited so long! And now I wonder too. I was 50 years old and started over with my life, I could have been 40 which would have made things so much easier. But that's hindsight. I have a great job and enjoy living by myself, have a great BF (other than frustrating BM issues). I once was asked by a phychiatrist why did I stay so long? I said I think I did it for our daughter. She said 'but what kind of example did you show your daughter, that you could live with an abusive alcoholic?' She said this has made my daughter's goals for a husband be very low and not demand much from him. But I did what I thought was best at the time. So if I would give anyone advice on this subject, it is don't waste another day in a situation that you are not happy in, time is too short, and your life is too important.