Purely Selfish Rant
Sometimes I get so tired of taking care of kids that are not mine. When you get married you chose how many kids you have, the age space in between kids, how to parent them etc.
Then you go thru divorce and you are shoved into taking on kids you didn't ask for, and have possibly been parented completely different than you would have chosen.
I'm in a situation where I have 4 kids of my own. That by itself is a lot. But bf has two kids. One with a mother present, but she hardly does anything for their daughter (she went on to have 4 more kids and has a new husband now, she just isn't very involved) and his son's mother is not involved at all and lives on other side of country. So both his kids and him seem to need/want me to be full time mommy to them as well. They have TONS of behavior issues where I feel over my head, and then have my own 4 kids that I need to be doing my best for.
I know men take on other people's kids a lot, thru marriage, since mostly the mom's have custody... but men aren't really expected to do a lot of heavy duty hands on parenting. When you are a woman taking on kids that aren't yours, it's different, sooo much is expected from you. The thing is I never expect much from him. I run my kids to all their activities/etc, pick them up from friends houses.. I never leave my toddler with him to babysit... I feel weird asking him to do my parenting duties. But his kids and him seem to want me to do all those things for them too.
I was sort of a jerk this morning to his daughter. She came home sick from camp, and I basically was like, Where's your mom? She always makes excuses for her mom, or acts like her mom can't do anything for her for whatever excuse she can come up with. I feel like crap now.
I hear ya! Men take on a
I hear ya! Men take on a role as parent for kids that are not biologically theirs...but let's be real here...even biodads don't do as much for their kids as the biomom does...in most intact families anyways. So I feel that it is "easier" for step dads because less is expected of them in most situations. There are exceptions of course!
I raised my SD, parenting her more than DH did, from age 5 to 13. I did everything and I resented BM for irresponsibly having a child and then leaving said child for me to parent (she abandoned her). I barely knew what sex was when this kid was born...and here I was raising her with all of her psychotic issues while giving up what was left of my youth.
It doesn't seem fair that one can have a child and then leave the child for someone else to parent. It also isn't fair that you are expected to do more than your DH. Perhaps you should talk to him about your feelings?
> I know men take on other
> I know men take on other people's kids a lot, thru marriage, since mostly the mom's have custody... but men aren't really expected to do a lot of heavy duty hands on parenting.<
I must have missed that memo.
Kuddos to you, Drac0! Glad
Kuddos to you, Drac0! Glad to hear it
My DH would sit back and let me do EVERYTHING for his kid as well as our kids.
I think when either parent
I think when either parent feels overwhelmed and feels that "They are doing EVERYTHING", I think it is time that both parents need to sit down and talk. God knows, my household is no different but I have said this before to my wife and countless other women. If you feel overburdened, and that you are doing everything. STOP! Ask your man to help!
I get the feeling overwhelmed
I get the feeling overwhelmed and then feeling like crap.... let's be honest - it's not the kid's fault. They can't control BM's anymore than we as stepmoms can. I also think it's ok to let kids know when you're feeling overwhelmed. I do think it's ok to apologize for being crabby - and I think in this situation, you need to apologize.
Try reading "Baby Proofing your Marriage". It talks about how to get the dad to step up more without being a nag. I know it helped me figure out how to ask for help when I needed it. My hubby figured out really quick that less stress for me = more sex for him... he's now pretty eager to help me out.
I think that role of MOMMY
I think that role of MOMMY is just so huge, and I have two children looking at me to be it ya know?
Yep I sure do owe stepdaughter an apology. she is a handful and a mess, but she has welcomed me with open arms and is sweet to me. the son, well, I have wrote about him before
I just felt like it wasn't her fault that I was aggravated, it was the situation that I'm in. And maybe the way that I think of life/parenting etc is going to have to change. My life would be soooo much easier if their damn moms would have stepped up to the plate and been MOTHERS! And their father get his head out of his butt and start paying as much attention to his kids as he does his hobbies!
If bf and I don't make it, seriously will not date anyone with kids full time.
I totally agree. I alternate
I totally agree. I alternate hating it when DH "dumps" his parenting duties on me and wanting him to let me take charge cause at least then it's getting done.
I do think as mom's (and especially as step-mom's) we need to cut ourselves some slack. I think it's good for our kids (and skids) to see us make mistakes so we can teach them the right way to deal with mistakes.
I am so glad that my SSs were
I am so glad that my SSs were adults when I married Dh. I my opinion they can be pathetic slugs with no remorse on my part.
i guess another thing that
i guess another thing that bothers me about it, is every other weekend i don't have my kids. which means i could be sleeping, doing fun stuff with friends, being kid free... but we still have his kids! we are hardly ever ever alone. his son's behavior is out of control so it's always a stressful environment and we seriously cannot have any conversations because ss is either singing/talking/side effects so loud we cannot hear each other or he rudely and CONSTANTLY and i mean constantly interrupts.