Husband just doesn't understand..

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I mainly just need to vent. I love my husband but sometimes he just doesn't understand. I guess I can't really expect him to since he's not in my shoes but a little empathy would be nice.

We're expecting our first child in September and his 5 year old daughter recently started living with us full time. I dread going home in the evenings because all I want to do is relax on the couch and wind down after a long day but she makes that impossible. She isn't able to entertain herself so she is constantly talking, bouncing around and running back and forth. If I get up to do something really quick she HAS to follow me and question every single thing I'm doing and it annoys me to no end. I wish he would set her up with a quiet activity that she could do by herself so that I could get a little bit of peace. I've brought this up to him and he just asked me to come up with something. Like she would listen to me anyways!

I've also started worrying about breastfeeding once the baby comes. I am slowly starting to realize that this lack of privacy is going to make it very uncomfortable for me. When I brought this up to him today he basically snapped at me and told me that I need to get used to her being there because that's the way it's going to be. I guess he can't possibly understand what it's like to be a woman and be exposed during such an intimate time in front of a child that isn't yours. I can wear a cover but I'm still uncomfortable about it,especially with how nosy and "in my business" she is.

So go to your bedroom or a

So go to your bedroom or a room with a door that locks when it's time to breastfeed. Is there a reason you don't correct her or redirect her behavior? If she's living with you full time, I hate to say it, but your husband is right .. you'll have to get used to her being there.

Probably not the answer

Probably not the answer you're looking for, while I do sympathize for the change in your life you didn't get a full say in, I have to agree with your husband. Get used to it and find something that works. At age 5 she is so, so, so young and still able to be moulded and learn wonderful things from you and your DH and grow up with your morals and family values instilled in her. Take advantage of that! Even if you don't want, or see yourself, as bonding with her, find some neutral ground and take into consideration she is 5. A very young, impressionable child needing guidance. Explain things to her if you're uncomfortable in terms she can understand. With breastfeeding, you could talk to her about needing quiet time to feed the baby and encourage her to get some books and read quietly with you, or with your DH or in her room while you feed the baby. But in my mind, if you push her away or find things about her that annoy you now, it would only cause a rift with your DH and will encourage her to seek you out all the more out of curiosity of what you're doing. Just my 2 cents

I agree. What is annoying to

I agree. What is annoying to you now, might still be able to be molded into a little helper that you will be grateful to have around!

I have a 5 year old daughter

I have a 5 year old daughter and the "annoyances" you describe are true for my bio...so know it isn't just a "step" thing, it is likely a 5 year old thing. My daughter talks constantly and if for some reason she isn't talking, she is making weird noises or standing in front of the TV or asking me to help her paint or get play dough out or something else involved...all within 5 minutes of walking in the door! My own beloved daughter can annoy me so I bet a step is even more annoying.

About the breastfeeding thing...I am a very private person but after having my daughter my modesty in front of my SD went out the window. I didn't like to change in front of her but after having my baby, breastfeeding and changing in front of her no longer bothered me...that may be the case for you or may not. If not, there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking the baby to your room or the nursery and locking the door...that's what I did when my inlaws came over. My FIL for some reason didn't see anything wrong with me breastfeeding in front of him...creeped me out! I wouldn't! Make sure the doors locks though...my MIL would come find me and once came in and sat on my bed while I was breastfeeding...I guess she didn't get the point of the closed door...anyways, it is perfectly acceptable to set "rules" to make you comfortable

I know my husband is right

I know my husband is right and that I just have to get used to it, but I wish he would have a little more empathy for me instead of just expecting me to love this child as my own and have the same bond right off the bat. And I also wish that he would step up and take more charge when she is acting this way. He usually just pulls out his handheld video game or lays out on the floor and falls asleep and I'm left to deal with it.

I feel for you OP...yeah, DH

I feel for you OP...yeah, DH is "right" we alllllllll have to just "get used to it..." Don't WE?

Like, he's going to have to get used to the fact that HIS daughter now needs full-on attention from HIM, while HIS WIFE who's 7months pregnant and getting more pregnant by the day...needs REST and PEACE! Right? All hands on deck here, mister "lets get used to it!"

And it certainly isn't going to get any easier with a newborn around. Whether this is his bio kid from a first, or she was your 5 year old together, he needs to step it UP big time and allow for you to be in your right mind TO get used to all that is happening! Sorry but I've got a real hot button for men who DONT get that a woman does need a little extra from them when they're pregnant-with their baby!

Maybe try putting together a "when step mommy needs a nap" basket of stuff she can do. Color the new baby a picture, fold a bin of wash cloths, Legos, movie time, something. Make her understand that when your feet are up, you're off the clock, period. "Go tell daddy...daddy can help you with that"

I feel for you, I really do. You've got to try and talk to him calmly and come up with a solution together, and hopefully he won't bite your head off this time...

Ask for what you need,

Ask for what you need, sweetie. Clearly and calmly ask SD and DH for what you need. Be very explicit. Have it your way. You are the one in charge and you can have SD do as you ask. If you need quiet, she can be quiet. If you need help cleaning, she can help you. Cooking, too. She is not too young to learn the things that will help you, and help her be more independent. She wants to please you, so set her up for success. Say "I need for you to play quietly in your room until the timer goes off", set a timer for however long you need, and then give her the reward of some attention or allow her to help you with making dinner or go out for a walk. Maybe you have a neighbor with a similar aged child who you can "borrow". Two is easier than one sometimes, since they entertain each other. And you could trade off, so both moms get a break. Relax about things, but be assertive. Neither SD nor DH can read your mind.

I know it seems crazy to you

I know it seems crazy to you now, but breastfeeding in front of her is Jo big deal at all. My skids see my breasts on a daily basis. All combined I have spent 3.5+ years breastfeeding and if the skids are there then they are witness to it. Breastfeeding is natural and normal in our house. My skids don't even batt an eye. They don't stare or anything, but they don't turn away in embarrassment either.....its just their little brothers eating. SS was7 when BS was born and SD was 6.... They are now 11 and 10 while I am breastfeeding the baby.

It will become so routine for you that after a while your u won't give it a second thought.

I know it seems crazy to you

It will become so routine for you that after a while your u won't give it a second thought.

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Husband just doesn't understand..