This is a personal issue for me because there have been so many times in my life when I've wanted to make those who've wronged me pay. Now, barring some horrific accident or criminal activity, I wouldn't do this. I think about it at times. It's tempting. But it wouldn't help me in the long run.

It's something I've discussed with my SDs. They wanted to make my dh pay for eternity for his poor parenting. They communicated this to me as best they could as they are teens and wouldn't say it outright. He was a guilty parent. I told them in family counseling that I could certainly see how they'd feel that way, but making a person pay for eternity is not going to get you an apology. It will turn that person off. It won't help you to find peace with that person even if you don't become close with them. You don't have to forgive the offender overnight. You don't even have to forgive them at all. But nobody wants to be punished for eternity. That's a huge turn off for most. If you cannot forgive, fine. Let the offender move on with their lives and you move on with yours. I understand it takes a person a long time to fully recover in many cases, but treating the offender like crap for eternity isn't going to help anyone recover.

I think many skids easily fall into the "I will make you pay for your mistakes" when it comes to bio dads and SMs. They may not even realize they're doing it. They do think, "well, this person hurt me so I'll hurt them. They deserve it." Nobody ever got peace or apologies from having that mentality.

My SDs were sexually abused. They understandably have wished they could exact revenge on the perps responsible. But they know it wouldn't undo what happened to them. Nothing would. But most of all, they wouldn't get peace in the long run.

So many sks could get peace, healing and apologies from their bio and step parents if they TALKED with these people and weren't so focused on making the offenders pay. And when I say "offenders," I know most of these people didn't do stuff to intentionally hurt these kids, but "mistake-makers" isn't a word

No good ever comes from playing tit for tat.

I've wanted to play tit for tat with my stepmother. I've wanted to gossip about her. Spread lies about her. Talk poorly about her in front of her to others. She did all that to me. I just decided to leave her alone.