Ex's Funeral Antics
My dear mother-in-law passed away last week. It was unexpected and my DH is taking it very hard. This is just more stress for the both of us on top of battling his Ex in court over child support and her wanting sole custody of their six year old. DH asked that SS-7 be brought to the wake. SS-7 was close to his grandmother and saw her for a couple of hours every Wednesday when my husband took him to visit her. Well when EX brings ss-7 to the wake my husband talked to her and told her we would call her when SS-7 was ready to leave. SS-7 had four older brothers and one older sister and aunts, uncles, cousins to look after him. EX refuses to leave him saying he was to shaken up by the whole thing. My DH comes back and tells me that ss-7 is shaking, he ha never seen him acting like this before and EX is refusing to leave. OK fine. Ex then proceeds to stay for two and half hours of the three hour wake. At one point ss-7 is in a back room coloring and EX is standing at the very end of the line where we are lined up greeting people and people are shaking her hand and offering her condolences. Another time we walk away from the receiving line to talk to some friends who were leaving and making sure they get their flower seeds etc. that were set out in mom's memory and she went and stood next to his sister in the spot we were standing in and talked to her and again people thought she was part of the family and were shaking her hand etc. I guess I wouldn't have been so upset except for the fact that she has spoken to no one in the family since the divorce and has actually said some pretty awful things about mom. But my husband didn't want to deal with it so he never said a word. The next day she shows up at the cemetary which was fine although I am not sure it was the best thing for ss-7. After the service, after all the morners are in their cars and my DH has said goodbye to ss-7 she was still standing at the casket even after we had gotten in our car. I thought we would have time alone at the casket before we left to say our last goodbyes but no......ex had to be there. As we drove away I burst into tears from frustration, exhaustion etc. I told my husband I just didn't think I could go to the family dinner afterward and that I was just going to go home. I just couldn't deal with her behavior anymore. It was going to be a small dinner with about 30 people and I just couldn't deal with it. He exploded at me and felt I wasn't being understanding enought etc. He felt he was dealing with enough since his mother just died. She did end up showing her face at the family dinner but my oldest ss stopped her in the parking lot and told her that this was just for family and that his dad would bring ss-7 home later. Things are still strained between my husband and I. Was I wrong to be upset about her antics? Should I have just kept my mouth shut and gritted my teeth longer? Really I took it as long as I could.
Oh, I feel for you.
I completely understand how you feel, and I know how frustrated you had to have been with all the drama, etc. I would have felt like leaving too. But - I have to say, your husband was right on this. He was dealing with a lot of pain, and you getting upset about the ex-wife probably didn't help. He needed your complete support and understanding, and he felt like he didn't have it.
When my Ex-MIL was dying, everyone knew that me and my then husband were having problems, and I got the cold shoulder from everyone. Even though I didn't even like my ex at that point, I was there for him and did what I was supposed to do. I even took verbal abuse from his sister and kept quiet about it in respect for their grief.
I do understand how you felt, but a little more support was needed in this situation.
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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!
How sad....
I'm so sorry you had to deal with this.... I don't understand where these women come from.... Who does that?? In what world is this acceptable? How can you act that way and NOT see how wrong it is? Somewhere inside isn't there something saying 'this just isn't right'?? I don't get how she can possibly sleep well at night.... What I also don't understand is why these women are ALLOWED to act this way.... this kind of brazen behavior didn't JUST start.... this could not have been the first time bm stepped WAAYYY out of line (correct)? So why wasn't it nipped long ago so that this situation wasn't even an issue?? I'm a bm too and I love my ex's dad (who is dying right now).... BUT.... my son's sm and my ex would NEVER tolerate behavior like this and I would be too nervous and feel too badly about even attempting to pull something at such a time AND I know that if I did try to pull something my antics would be halted right quick. This situation is a prime example for why I strongly believe that things need to be address and handled... lines drawn in the sand... no uncertain boundaries set.... etc.... from the very beginning.... or this is what you have to look forward to.
I hope you don't think I'm comming down on you.... this falls on dh's lap.... again.... I am so sorry for your loss and the complete disrespect you endured.
How sad....
I'm so sorry you had to deal with this.... I don't understand where these women come from.... Who does that?? In what world is this acceptable? How can you act that way and NOT see how wrong it is? Somewhere inside isn't there something saying 'this just isn't right'?? I don't get how she can possibly sleep well at night.... What I also don't understand is why these women are ALLOWED to act this way.... this kind of brazen behavior didn't JUST start.... this could not have been the first time bm stepped WAAYYY out of line (correct)? So why wasn't it nipped long ago so that this situation wasn't even an issue?? I'm a bm too and I love my ex's dad (who is dying right now).... BUT.... my son's sm and my ex would NEVER tolerate behavior like this and I would be too nervous and feel too badly about even attempting to pull something at such a time AND I know that if I did try to pull something my antics would be halted right quick. This situation is a prime example for why I strongly believe that things need to be address and handled... lines drawn in the sand... no uncertain boundaries set.... etc.... from the very beginning.... or this is what you have to look forward to.
I hope you don't think I'm comming down on you.... this falls on dh's lap.... again.... I am so sorry for your loss and the complete disrespect you endured.
How sad....
I'm so sorry you had to deal with this.... I don't understand where these women come from.... Who does that?? In what world is this acceptable? How can you act that way and NOT see how wrong it is? Somewhere inside isn't there something saying 'this just isn't right'?? I don't get how she can possibly sleep well at night.... What I also don't understand is why these women are ALLOWED to act this way.... this kind of brazen behavior didn't JUST start.... this could not have been the first time bm stepped WAAYYY out of line (correct)? So why wasn't it nipped long ago so that this situation wasn't even an issue?? I'm a bm too and I love my ex's dad (who is dying right now).... BUT.... my son's sm and my ex would NEVER tolerate behavior like this and I would be too nervous and feel too badly about even attempting to pull something at such a time AND I know that if I did try to pull something my antics would be halted right quick. This situation is a prime example for why I strongly believe that things need to be address and handled... lines drawn in the sand... no uncertain boundaries set.... etc.... from the very beginning.... or this is what you have to look forward to.
I hope you don't think I'm comming down on you.... this falls on dh's lap.... again.... I am so sorry for your loss and the complete disrespect you endured.