Update on everything
I have not heard a peep from BM, BM's mother or her psychotic sister since the last conversation with Grandma which has been a month ago. It didn't go well and ended with me telling her the fruit obviously didn't fall far from the tree. She lied about handing out my cell number and tried to tell me BM was not "crazy". Ummmmmm....OK. Whatever. Tell that to her lung she blew out with a shot gun but that's ANOTHER story.
Anyway it has been a blissful Calgon type break away from the drama. The girls are getting wiser about all of this and it is raising some really uncomfortable questions which we are anwering honestly and tothe best of our ability. We finally had to tell them that they may not ever live with their mom again. We also had to tell them that their mom was not an innocent. That she was surrounded by "bad people" as they call them because she herself is a bad person right now who has made some heinous decisions NOT because she was tricked or forced there. Conversations like these are never easy because you are walking the line between honesty and not over sharing or slamming. What do you do when there is honestly nothing good to say about a child's mother but they are desperately looking for a positive????? It sucks.
The girls started their new school today and were very excited. I am waiting for the call from DH to see how it went. The baby is FULLY mobile god help us all and into EVERYTHING. LOL. SHe has had an "awakening" and is more alert and vocal all at once. The pregnancy so far is uneventful which is always a good thing. I go to the DR. for my first visit in two weeks so I am excited about that.
All in all we are all doing pretty good. I can't complain:)
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Goodmom!!
I am so happy to hear that you have some peace in your life!!!
I think you are doing the right thing with the girls. The only thing that you could say that's positive to them, is that their mother loves them. They don't need to know, really, if you believe that's true or not. But I don't think it hurts them to tell them, that yes, their mom made bad choices and hung out with "bad people" and got involved in "bad things". But that doesn't mean that she doesn't love them. That was one of her bad choices - by doing "bad things", she was unable to be there for her kids. (Then you get the choice / consequence aspect in there.)
Also, personally, I would not tell them that their mom is a bad person. She may not be an innocent, but she definitely has mental issues. And while her mental issues are not the cause of her bad behavior, they (meaning mental problems) do get made worse by her bad behavior. In other words, mom has mental problems and the things she is doing do not help herself.
Good luck to you and your husband. I hope that your peace and quiet and happiness (!) stay for a hile!!
stick
Yeah...we always tell the that she loves them even though we can't see how based on her actions. We have also explained that her sickness makes her do foolish things. They know mama has a "brain sickness" and she is on medicine for it.
We were really sure they got the whole choice/consequence concept because initially they were angry at the cops for arresting her. We had to explain they were doing their job and that getting arrested is like getting sent to your room for adults. It really does stink having to talk about these things at all with five year olds.
As far as the bad people thing I think the way DH worded it was "birds of a feather flock together." He told them she is hanging around bad people because she is doing bad things. He was wanting them to understand this was her doing. The girls seem desperate to put the blame on anyone but BM. It's the cops fault, it's the boyfriends fault, it's the bad peoples fault. He didn't actually say that BM was a bad person....I worded that poorly. He is pretty careful with how he words things with them.
Thanks for the well wishes. It sounds depressing but it's nice to not have to worry about suicide attempts or the like for awhile. Anytime the phone would ring early in the morning or late at night we would always think....THIS IS IT! She finally did herself in. It can get really stressful.
**Having a baby does not make you a mother.**