Some Christmas
Here I am on Christmas morning, sitting here alone at the computer. I was hoping and expecting something different...maybe next year will be better.
This is my BF's first Christmas away from his girls. He had them this weekend, and they did their Christmas with him last night. He also plans on going over to the Ex's sometime today and give the girls one last gift from him that they get to open on Christmas morning.
I knew this Christmas would be hard for him. He is a very dedicated Dad who is currently fighting w/ the Ex and Courts to get 50/50 shared parenting, not just the typical every other weekend visitation thing. Last night he mentioned this was the first time in 10 years that he hasn't spent most of the night staying up wrapping gifts/putting together toys for them. Right away I knew I needed to be understanding and not too pushy about how he acted.
This is how Christmas morning at our house played out: My son got up and the three of us went out to the living room to watch him open his gifts. BF laid on the couch, not saying a word, watching. As soon as my son finished opening the last gift, BF got up and again without saying 2 words to anyone, went back to our bed (where he still is now). I stayed up with my son, helping him put together some of the gifts that required assembly, cleaned up wrapping paper, etc. Before I started to do all that I went into our bedroom and cuddled up next to him and asked him what he was doing. He said he was tired and needed some more sleep. I kissed his cheek and left him there.
Emotionally I am torn in two...I know this day is hard for him, but does that excuse this kind of behavior? Am I wrong in wanting him to acknowledge that my son and I need him too on Christmas morning? Sheesh, I almost want to say if this is how you want to act, then go over to your Ex's and spend Christmas with your kids. Wisely, I know better than to let him assume that would be any more acceptable. My son is going to be leaving around noon to go to my Ex-Bf's for his Christmas then onto his bioDad's for theirs. BF and I are going to get to spend most of the day together, save for the time he goes over to see his kids at the Ex's. How should I behave? Should I say anything about this morning? Let it slide? I don't want to ruin Christmas, but at the same time I think my feelings of hurt are valid.
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Comments
It gets better...
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3yrs. he has 5 kids. I do want to say that it gets better. It will take a while and please be patient with him, I wish I would have been more patient. This is our third christmas together and this one was actually worse than anyother Christmas. We had opened presents with the kids and his ex-wifes boyfriend called the kids cell phone to tell them to hurry up go home so they can open presents at their moms house. I mean gee's it's Christmas eve and what gave him the right to do that.
But my Bf has been so mopey these past few weeks, he say's it just bothers him watching families get together. I know he misses the sense of "family", I don't have any kids. But each year it does get better and there are other days that he is going to be mopey.
On one hand I understand
On one hand I understand that your bf was so saddened, HOWEVER, it really wasn't fair to you or your son, because just as this was his first Christmas without his girls, this was also his first Christmas with you and your son. :/ When we had my bf's kids for our Christmas this year, we had them over the weekend, so on Christmas Eve morning, they woke up to Santa's early delivery, which Daddy had to "pull some strings" to get. After all, the world is so big, Santa starts early! The year before, we only had them for an evening, but again, Santa brought gifts that we left under the tree, untouched until they arrived. They are still young, so you can be creative when it comes to Santa.
I was wondering in the shower today: do biodads ever feel resentment towards a step-situation when they are dating a woman with kids? Meaning, do they resent the fact that they head a household with someone else's children, meanwhile, their own children live somewhere else?
And while I do agree with
And while I do agree with biomom that both sides can be difficult, I also think: that's what happens when people have kids and for whatever reason, are not together anymore. If the thought of never seeing his girls open presents again on Christmas morning bothers him so much that he basically opts out of participating in your Christmas, he should just pack his bags & go back over there and be with his ex.