I have been married to my DH for 1.5 years after dating for 2.5. My SS is now 8, so technically I have been a part of his life for half of his life. In the begining things with Dudebug were good and at times, great. He was always accepting and affectionate. I never overstepped my boundaries. We had lots of fun. I made some very positive changes at DH's bachelor pad. I instituted bedtime stories, made sure teeth were brushed daily and nightly, cooked good food and taught Dudebug table manners.

Then one day, I was with DH to make the drop-off. It wasn't purposefully to hurt BioMom it was just convenient since we had to go to the grocery store. When she saw I was in the car she started screaming obscenities at me, holding on to Dudebug's hand, running around to my side of the car screeching names at me that a 5 yr old should never hear. I was appalled, but I said and did nothing. I kept looking at Dudebug and the sad thing was he didn't look shocked or scared. I think he had seen BioMom make these kinds of scenes before - DH later confirmed that for me. Anyway, DH tried to shut her down but ended up calling the police who took a report of the incident. She threatened me in a hypothetical way (if I ever hurt Dudebug...etc) so technically she didn't break the law at that time. I don't know why she hates me. They were divorced when I came into the picture. I have been nothing but kind to her son.

After that incident, I changed. I couldn't help it. I have never gone through such a "Jerry Springer" type of scene before and I was stunned. I pulled away from Dudebug. I wasn't mean or rude to him, but I was afraid to touch him. Afraid to have pillow-fights, or play fort, or tickle games. DH and I argued at times when he felt like I was letting BioMom, The Weasel, dictate my relationship with Dudebug. I have rebounded a bit since then. Dudebug and I have a good relationship, but I don't think its great. I want good things for him; I want him to grow up to be a good person, but I worry that I don't FEEL the things I should feel. He cuddles me and says "I love you", and I return it, but I don't initiate affection.

I still wonder at times what my role should entail. I hope this forum helps me figure that out. I have a harder time with the boundaries now that he's older. Discipline is a problem sometimes. The Weasel trains him to be rude to me, she interrogates him when she calls, and when he comes over after a few days with her, his manners are all but gone. DH tells me I may not be his BioMom (he hates it when I bring that up) but I am the "mother of the house" and I am free to discipline him as needed.

The Weasel's behavior over the years strongly demonstrate that she still wants DH to focus on her. For awhile there, DH wondered about Munchausen's when Dudebug always got sick at her house and never at ours. She changes the 60/40 schedule A LOT and always at the last minute (not even 24 hr notice!). She even calls DH a couple times a year to tell him she's dying (hasn't yet!). And can you believe that after 4 years around her son, she still insists that he not be left home alone with me! I am his SM! She said she "isn't comfortable" with it and isn't ready. I am hugely insulted because, as a teacher, the state says I can safely be around children. She is just enjoying calling the shots at our house. DH currently puts up with everything from her because its "easier" than arguing or going to court. I hate that she gets away with everything but I don't complain or cause problems. DH says that it will eventually go back to court. She'll want to move or do something stupid. He said if she tries anything he'll fight this time. I hope so. I am so tired of her venom. I'm tired of waiting for another disgusting scene. I'm also tired of seeing DH differ to her.

~3rd Time is TheCharm