Family Meeting #1
Something we've never done before. We sat Dudebug down and told him that he's old enough to have a big boy discussion. We talked about how his mom has been mad at us this past week. We don't know what she has said to him...and we don't want to know, we will never question him about his mother...but we want him to remember that he should trust his own judgment about people. Just because his mom says bad things about someone doesn't mean its always true. We used an example among his friends. We even addressed how his mom claims that I mistreat him. Reminded him how he disagreed with that. And reinforced that while I have never abused him before, if I were ever to mistreat him, his daddy would certainly address that with me.
He seemed focused on what his dad was saying, but he didn't offer anything, pretty much all he said was "ok." When DH was done, I asked Dudebug, "Do you understand what we're saying? What do you think?" He didn't have anything to offer about it.
DH promises me that Dudebug is processing it. He believes Dudebug is a deep thinker and will form his own opinions over time.
I sure hope so.
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Wow, I wish my DH would do that!
Our BM always has "talks" with the boys, about our home life, our personal business, court issues, etc. The boys are 10 and almost 12. My DH however, will not have a heart to heart to with them. I dont know if it is a "man thing" or he has a hard time showing his emotions. He doesnt stick up for himself. I am not looking for him to talk trash about BM to the skids, just to share his point of view. Let the skids know how WE feel about them, etc.
Good for your guys and I think you worded perfectly. You didnt slam BM and you just told Dudebug to look at the FACTS. Congrats to you guys!
"God grant me the serenity accept the things I cannot change; the strength to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."
hmmm
maybe it really did sink in and he just needs time to internalize it. ChooChoo does that a lot. but then 3 days later he comes out of left field and wants to talk about his thoughts. I really hope the family meeting takes root in his head.
The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children. ~Edward, Duke of Windsor, Look, 5 March 1957
believe me when I tell u this....
these kids know EXACTLY what we r talking about when it comes to the psycho, PASing, trouble-making BM....here's the thing....she is still their Mom. As the child of an alcoholic who would go ballistic when anyone would say anything bad about my Dad....it was simply a defense mechanism to "protect" my parent. I knew all along who he was but I would never verbalize it. Lets face it...if yur Mom or Dad was a sc*mbag....would u WANT to accept it?...its the same with these kids...they know...believe me they know....but they don't want to accept that their BM or BF is a lousy parent and not a good person. Give him time...let him deal with it how he has to deal with it...I know its sooooo hard, but I found thru my own experience to let them find out and accept it on their own....my skids r with me 24/7 now and they want nothing to do with their BM...they are older now and found out first handed that she really didn't care about their well-being...My DH and I could have told them that till we were blue in the face...but it only sunk in when they experienced it for themselves
"You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar"