New BF, and BM has cancer....
So I never thought I'd want to date a guy with kids. The handful of times I've ran into a guys with kids I immediately excuse myself and don't look back.
He was different. Wasn't even considering him as a boyfriend. Saw him as a potential friend and maybe someone to challenge me in my business skills and shoot the shit with.
We clicked. Started talking a lot. In hindsight he was probably lonely since his divorce had only been finalized for 6 months. But I enjoyed our time together.
We chit chatted and talked like almost everyday for about a month and then it just kind of happened....he kissed me and things just clicked.
In the month we've been dating we've had serious discussions about his daughter, his views on marriage, and a few other things.
I thought things were going extremely well....then the BM gets diagnosis with cancer about a week ago and my PRince Charming suddenly disappears. But seriously? How often do you find the mother if your 3 year old has cancer?
So he starts getting more time with BD, and he use to try so hard to find time to talk to me, suddenly stops talking to me completely. To say I was confused, hurt,and blind sided is an understatement. Thankfully I don't have cancer. And I get if this was his family member or friend why this would be an appropriate response. I'm not saying he should care about BM, but I didn't understand what it meant. And for the 2 months I've known him we've had almost painful, upfront communication. On this issue he straight disappeared.
I said something's in frustration after about a week of neglect and confusion that I wish I'd never said. I believe I pushed him away now. Because who wants a woman to be around their daughter when said woman accuses you of using your daughter as an excuse? (I know, I never said it was a good thing I said or a smart thing I said. Confusion leads to bad things for me. )
But it's such an obscure situation. It was obscure before adding the BM have cancer 1 month in the relationship.
Some people on this site would say I dodged a bullet. I don't know if I completely agree.
Only time will tell.
Thank you Internet for listening. If you'd like to comment, please don't bash me. I've already been doing it the past 2 days while I've been getting the silent treatment from my SO
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Comments
He has already told you what
He has already told you what he wants and it isn't a relationship. It's only been a month or two. Let him go.
He's gone back to BM and is
He's gone back to BM and is too chicken to tell you.
You've been dating a speck of
You've been dating a speck of time in the big scheme of things he dropped you like a hot potato soon as BM was diagnosed with cancer. He's telling you something huge right there. Let it go walk away and hold your head high be a damn shame and a hell of an embarassment to chase someone to play second fiddle for someone who doesn't seem to give as big a damn. Go on with your life maybe it'll all work out in the end and maybe you were his rebound and any tragedy big or small would if sent him running to save the day and fix things for BM.
Thanks. I appreciate that. I
Thanks. I appreciate that. I understand there are plenty of fish in the sea...but this was the closest I've felt to finding someone I could build my life with. But timing is everything. And perhaps this was just not meant to be.
Yes, the timing is amazing
Yes, the timing is amazing here!!
I know when I first got together with my DH and he talked about BM all the time. Finally I said go back to her and make it work!!
He said, it won't and I don't want her.
So I said well then shut up about her!!!
Let him come to you. If he doesn't you have saved yourself a lot of pain being a step.!!!
Go find someone who is available, and throw this one back.
Thank you for the comments. I
Thank you for the comments. I get the newness of the relationship part. Normally I wouldn't be tripping so hard, but up to a few days ago this felt very different in a really good way.
I don't think it matters at this point what the truth is. He's not showing interest at this point.
He may be back with her. Either way, it doesn't matter.
I'm cutting my losses. If he shows up then awesome, we have a lot of shit to iron out. If not, we already aren't talking...
Thank you again everyone for your input.
BM and he probably got back
BM and he probably got back together. She may have manipulated him with her illness, or he may feel sorry for her and the kid. I'm sorry, but be glad you found out he wasn't serious sooner rather than later.