Taking suggesting for dealing with SD27 during a visit
My SD27 will be here with her husband in a few months for a huge family celebration. I need some suggestions how to deal with her so we get a different outcome than usual. She will be staying with us along with SIL, BIl, nephew, grown niece and her bf(our first time meeting him)
SD is fine for a few days when she visits then turns into a lunatic. She corrects me and attempts to get me to fight with her. When I don't engage she starts correcting my parenting of DD13 or correcting DD and giving her instructions etc. DH kinda sees it but just wants everyone to get along. If he says something she gets worse. This is the kid that rearranged my kitchen down to the spoons last time she was here so dadddeeee didn't have to live in such a terrible mess.
I am firstly going to be positive before she arrives. We have a week jammed packed with activities and tons of other people visiting so our house will be pretty busy. I don't have any doubt she will make some smart ass comments but I really need to keep the peace as this is a big gathering and family is coming from all over the country. I am excited about every single person coming but so anxious because of SDs past behavior. She doesn't get that it is my family too. I have been around for over 20 years. My DHs sister is my bff. She moved away a few years ago and I miss her and my niece and nephew. It's not just a regular visit that I can ban her from the house or make some other arrangement.
Maybe there isn't an answer. She gets super jealous when ever anyone from DHs family treats me like part of the family. It is like she is competing with me, still. I raised her from around 7ish. She knows very well which buttons to push and when I don't bite she goes off the deep end. I am trying to avoid this.
Let her come. Expect the
Let her come. Expect the best but prepare for the worst.
At the FIRST instance of her going into ultra bitch mode - take her aside and calmly tell her that she must leave immediately. Not tomorrow not later today - give her 30 minutes to have her ass out the door.
Do not yell. Do not discuss. Just state it as a fact You are NOT keeping the peace if you allow her to trash all the relationships in your home.
Quite frankly 30 minutes of disharmoney associated with kicking her out could easily save the rest of the visit.
I personally would not let her in my home at all, but it sounds like you want to at least try.
But for the sake of your family and guests you MUST remove her when she "goes off the deep end".
And then remove her from your life permanently.
That's a good plan.
That's a good plan.
Have you told your BFF about
Have you told your BFF about how SD acts??? or your DH???? I'm assuming you've said something to sd by now and maybe even your DH on how sd act towards you ???? Maybe one of them could approach sd instead of you. If things go bad. Maybe her boyfriend will keep her focus and she'll stay busy. Try to keep DD away from her and if you need to say something to DD do it out of ear shot so SD doesn't have the chance to say something. If she trys to rearrange things just let her and don't say anything. You can change it after she leave. Maybe she ocd. By you saying something she knows shes getting to you. Don't say anything. Good Luck
My sil /bff, her aunt, saw it
My sil /bff, her aunt, saw it first hand a few months ago. I am hoping that all the additional family members staying here will keep her crazy in check.
It's hard to keep DD and SD
It's hard to keep DD and SD separated during visit. They will camp out together if SDs husband isn't here and act like goof balls- ugggg. It is annoying but when SD isn't being a bitch it is nice for DD.
I told DH we needed a plan to
I told DH we needed a plan to keep her from being out of control. He is also at a loss, but that is nothing new. I think I will just drink all week...I never drink and wonder how I made it thru 3 skids and now a teenage girl.
I agree with having a plan.
I agree with having a plan. It will help you keep your response under control. Is your SIL any help for any of this? Can you let her know what has been a problem in the past so she can help intervene, or she will at least know when you might need some support?
If SD starts to correct you, you can fake interest and ask LOTS of questions. "Oh, well why do you think THAT? That is so interesting, do you know where that research was done to get to that conclusion?" "Gosh, I wouldn't have thought to take that approach, when have you used it before, and how did it work out?" You won't be rude, and she will likely be sputtering all over the place trying to keep up the appearance of being a know it all. And you can be amused.
If she questions your parenting, I would simply say, "I am the mother here and I will decide what is best for my child." End of discussion. You don't have to be mean or aggressive when stating this, just firm and in control.
If she rearranges your kitchen or another area of your home, will your DH deal with this and make her put it back? Oh, you said she gets worse when DH says anything. So you can again put on a show when you have an audience. "SD, why in the world did you do this? This arrangement doesn't at all work for us. Please, come help me put it back." She will be humiliated by being called out, but you will have been calm and rational.
Finally, don't let her get into your head. Enjoy your family. Just because SD doesn't want them to be YOUR family, doesn't make it that way, and it doesn't make them any LESS her family.
^^^ THIS!!!^^^ I agree. If
^^^ THIS!!!^^^ I agree. If you allow such disrespect from SD your DD will think she has a right to be that way. The minute SD starts to rearrange your house tell her nicely but firmly that you prefer it that way. If she gets mouthy or bossy tell her to leave until she can show you the respect your deserve in your own home. I think the motel idea is a good one.
DH and I are going to sit
DH and I are going to sit down and come up with a strategy. I will plan for the worst and hope for the best.
Maybe give her some projects
Maybe give her some projects that she can "help" with. Since she thinks your home is a mess, have her clean out the garage or basement or attic. Maybe she can rearrange the kid's closets. She could paint something. Rake the yard and plant a garden for you. Be creative. I'm sure you have a long list of things you are planning to do when you get around to it. Think of her as your "ROUND TUIT".
The project ideas are good. I
The project ideas are good. I am thinking of things right now!