totally dislike step child and starting to dislike husband
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i am new to this website but i have to have somewhere to vent. i was married in may of 08, i have a step son that was so wonderful then all of a sudden when he realized that the money i make is not to go towards anything for him or concerning him he turned into a hell child. I am at the point know that i am having anxiety attacks when he walks thru the door , which is every weekend. I just think that i can not take it anymore . I do love my husband but my love is just not strong enough to deal with the step child. thank you for letting me vent.
sincerly
psdoff
completely feeling you
Although my sd only stays with us a few weeks a year, those few weeks are pretty unbearable for me. The bm is about to be on her third husband, the other two (including dh) she cheated on, but told everyone that they cheated on her. My sd is a little chubby, and at that 11-year old awkward stage, so the bm goes to her school dressed up "cute," has lunch with sd, so that the boys in the school can see that sd might be "sexy" one day like her bm. I am completely opposite of this woman. I worked hard to get where I am (she, and her mother and sister, always marry for money and have each been married numerous times). I have spent more years in school than I care to think about, and am proud of being a "nerd." Sd is being taught that not only is it "cool" to get Cs and Ds in school, but that being homosexual is gross (we were watching tv and Ellen Dengeneres' new commercial came on). It is not only that, just the fact that her mom lets her get away with murder. I feel like it is not my place to let this child know that there is more to life than shopping and making fun of people for their differences, whatever they may be. I have tried to introduce her to all of the other things that my parents exposed me to (museums, libraries, parks, and other cultural exploits), at age 11 and she just complains that she wants to go shopping. She does not listen to a thing I say and dh really does not know how to handle having her around, because for three years he did not see her at all. I made the decision at a very young age to not have children (it is just something I have no interest in) and if it is decided that this child is to live with us, I am not sure if I would stay. Sorry for the vent, it is just I have no one to say any of this to.
start talking to your husband about it NOW
hello psdoff, you have every right. Personally, i wish i hadn't contributed a dime to my step son.
My post is directly after yours "My stepson and wife are destroying a marriage - a long read, but PLEASE help", and it's the result four or five years later unless you start talking to your partner TODAY. Some kids will leverage their biological parent against you and cause you some serious torment unless you and your hubby get on the same page. The fact that my wife never backed me for years with her biological son is the very reason i will like be divorced within a few months. ACT NOW! TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND! HE NEEDS TO SET HIS SON STRAIGHT IF YOU WANT IT TO LAST!
Thank you so much. you just
Thank you so much. you just don't know how hearing from other people helps easy the stress.
Why did that even come up?
I don't think it's the child's business who's money is for what. When he makes his own it can be his business how he spends it and on who, but as long as he's provided for it should not have been an issue.
Kids don't need to be put in the middle of financial discussions. And kids that want to bark orders to adults about what they should do with their money can get slapped with some very un-fun chores to do for a nearly slave labor wage.
How old is your stepson anyway? I can come up with a list of age appropriate chores for him.
Yes, I would guess
I would guess the reason is that the BM frequently talks about how much more money she thinks her ex SHOULD be paying her, whether to the kids or to friends and family when the kids are around. She's probably also using Daddy as the reason for anything she doesn't want to buy the kid or can't afford, as in "no, honey, I'm sorry we can't have that. Your daddy doesn't give me enough money to buy that for you."
Our BM does that kind of thing. The most recent egregious one was when SD said to my DH one day when he was talking about money, "Well, your priority is to save money for my college." Whoa. Where do you think THAT came from? She also at one point apparently asked him why he was refusing to pay for all her college. And the other SD got really upset with DH one day not too long ago, saying that he didn't care about her enough to give her mom enough money for her.
BB
- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)
BM fills skids heads with all kinds of garbage....
This beyotch doesn't have a filter on her mouth; my 3 skids hear EVERYTHING! Hubby took her back to court since he was paying about $500 MORE in CS. She was working every Saturday per month for almost a year and he had enough of watching his money deplete and her pile grow. He didn't mention to the kids (12, 6, 4) that he was taking her back to court b/c finances aren't kids business. All they need to know is that their parents love them and are there for them. Can BM keep her mouth shut? Hell no. Instead, she vents to her kids b/c duh they're her friends. SS12 wanted to do rock climbing at $160/m (way too expensive) and he said, "well I wanted to do rock climbing but I can't now because you keep taking mom back to court". So my hubby explained it as kindly as possible:
"When I left, I wanted to make sure your surrounding didn't change too much. I made sure I was giving enough money to cover all the expenses for running a household. But because of that, I haven't been able to contribute to my new household as much as I should. Mom now works and all I'm asking is for a small portion back. Believe me, this doesn't affect you kids at all and nothing in your life is going to change. I'm sorry if your mom has said anything to you that made you feel different about me".
All in time kids will figure out which bio parent is the mature one and which one is selfish.... and I can't wait for that day!
Funny thing
my SS has NEVER made the comment about money to us and Dad not paying mom enough or anything remotely like that. However BM cannot say she does not get enough because she gets more than she should and she knows it. However if SS wants or needs something he knows who the most likely candidate that can afford it and will get it and that is us. He is use to his mom gonna buy this and that and never does.
OH the money talk
When SD's moved in with us for the majority of the time in January I had "the talk" with SD14. She was pissing and moaning about how DH wouldn't buy her such and such thing to have at her mom's house. I lit into her like a fire. Yes, kids should not be involved in money stuff, but I had had enough of her whining we dont' provide for them.
I flat out told her if BM would get a job like the rest of the population, we wouldn't be paying her CS at all. And since she refuses to do so, we don't have that extra money laying around. And all that money we do send, it is supposed to go to providing for her and her sister when they are at BM's house. Then I went on about how I am the one providing SD's with clothing, shoes, coats, etc I named off everything BM had bought them in the last 2 years. It didn't take me more than 30 seconds.
I also told her if I heard her complain about how much we don't spend on them, they would get nothing. I don't have to provide anything for them, and they can go back to how it was before I was in their lives, which was living off Ramen noodles and having 5 days worth of clothes, because after CS, that's all DH could afford.
She hasn't said a word since.
I'm with you
I started out totally loving the skids and the husband. I'm to the point where I absolutely dread seeing them, especially the oldest one. I mean I seriously just HATE the thought of seeing that kid!!!!! The marriage is totally on the rocks and now this weekend I'm being forced to do a stupid birthday party. I'm so cranked about the whole thing b/c I'm trying to take care of my mother.