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Advise please!!!

Light9's picture

I'm an Ozzy girl with five step kids, none of my own. We recently moved to the country. Because my youngest step son, 7, has moved so much with his bio mum and been in day care from 3 months of age....he has been very unsettled, has behavioral problems and on many different medications ...none of which his bio mum gained consent for. My problem now, however, is my neighbour. She has a 'wall' up and very hard to just tslk to. She and her hubby have 4 kids. My step son has been in trouble at their house a couple times, once he kicked their fly screen door coz their dsughters wouldnt include him (he says). For that he wasnt allowed to their place for a few months...he did say sorry aswell. Anyway recently he ran to their house for the first time in ages and the next thing u know, the neighbour was ringing telling me he flashed his willy at her 9 year okd girls and wouldnt say sorry and could we please phone before letting him come over. Now I understand a kid needs boundaries and I did make him ring snd say sorry. Also we DID try to call 3 times before he went next door. It was her manner that upset and annoyed me...very sort of patronising. They have just driven by our home and their son and dsughters were in their car and they asked my 8 year okd step daughter if she wanted to come visit. My 7 year old son was with her and they didn't ask him. I felt very sorry for him..he loves playing with their son and he did apologise. I find this very cold...especially when they know he's had a tough life. I find the neighbours cold and superior and I guess im wondering if anyone else thinks their behavior is mean spirited...or perfectly understandable?? Seems petty now I've written it...but we live in a very intimate country lane and the vibe doesnt feel easy or pleasant for me. My husband agress she is hard work but he is buddies with her husband. Even he acted snobbery towards s girl at an outing recently and so we think they might both be s bit full of themselves. Any thoughts would be appreciated thanks! !!

Comments

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

They don't want him playing with their kids.

I have kids in the neighborhood that have been given multiple opportunities to play here in my yard or in my home, but have misbehaved several times. It doesn't really matter to me if it's addressed by the parents. I have enough to do with my own kids without having someone else's ill behaved child here. After a few offenses, they are told not to come back. That's what these people are telling you. They don't want your SS over there. Stop sending him. Explain to him that because of his actions, he isn't welcome there, and either send him back to his mum or deal with him yourself.

Pinki3663's picture

I agree with the above posters. It seems he is no longer welcome and you are not taking the hint. If you tried to call and there was no answer you should have assumed that they were busy instead of sending him over without permission.

He obviously doesn't know how to behave as a guest in someones home, regardless of having a bad life. Don't allow him to use that as a crutch or loophole to act like a dick.

oncechoosetosmile's picture

Sorry, but I agree and find those neighbours behaviour understandable.He was even showing his penis to their kids, why in the world should they let him come over ever again?

sterlingsilver's picture

I actually disagree with the above posters (sorry). I had issues with a neighbor boy showing his penis a couple times to my daughter while living in my last neighborhood. Instead of banning him for life I went and talked with the mom, became friends with her first, made a discipline plan (such as bad behavior gets him sent home for the rest of the week until Sunday evening in our case which took the weekend away) We also watched the kids like hawks while they were over and we traded kids evenly so neither of us moms got tired of them being over. It could be the neighbor mom is tired and over worked. Talk to her and see what you can work out. Sometimes that's a better solution then just giving up. It seems your sson is at the age where he is trying to get attention and this seems to be working right now. In a few years it'll be something else. For now just plan a discipline, hold to it without berating him about it, and then try again. Kids need friends, they need adults who will watch and care for and feed them (I was the brownie mom in our neighborhood! but only brownies with nice playing!!) and if they don't follow the rules today, go home for today. It's wrong in my opinion to exclude a child, it causes even worse psychological damage. That's all just my opinion tho. If I were you I'd be the bigger person and invite that mom over for cookies and tea and let the kids play while you visit. Build a friendship with her and see how wonderful the kids will bound. Friends like that are priceless for both you and your kids!

ajoyshah04's picture

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