Delcaring War with my SO/FDH
I am ready to engage in an all out bitchfest with my FDH/SO. I'm sorry, but I am only willing to repeat myself so many times about parenting, credit scores, finances, and the basic fundementals of LIFE.
We are trying to secure financing for a home. My bank said NO, so we are supposed to be checking with his bank. FDH has claimed to call his banker, to which she called back, to which he returned her call. I checked our phone records today (for another reason) and there are no phone calls to his bank, nor from his bank. Previously, I had layed it all out that I am moving back to my hometown for the sake of my own sanity, the sake of my bios happiness, and a few other reasons. He could come with or he could move back to his home town. Mattered not to me. I feel as if this man, who has lied to me so many times about the littlest of events/things, has once again tried to manipulate me to staying by claiming his banker isn't calling him back.
He is supposed to be repairing damage he did to his credit. His son racked up a large cell bill. His son finally came with the $ (cash) to which FDH was to pay the bill with (collections). Ummm pretty sure he spent the money instead of paying off the damn collections bill. I've grown so tired of all of this drama drama drama with his inability to parent, his inability to handle his finances. His inability to tell the fucking truth! My God!!! He's in his 40's for christ sakes!
I'm sick of covering the majority of expenses because he's so stupid with his money. We split the rent, we split the water/sewer, and that's it. Grocery shopping is left up to me. Okay, we have 5 people that have to be fed on a daily basis. He claims he's broke, but can afford to stop off at the local liquor vendor to pick up his precious bottle of brandy, so he can have his daily cocktail after work.
Honestly, with everything that we have been through, because of all of the crap that HE created or has been created because of who he procreated with, I'm about up to my neck in BullSHIT! And I'm sorry, parenting is not just having custody of your child(ren). It's engaging them in life. It's teaching them things they are interested in. It's raising them to be good people so when they hit the real world, they are somewhat prepared for it. UGH...this is all shit I want to say to him, but can't. I can't say it. And I really want to say it when I'm angry. I don't want to sugarcoat these things. But I know that angry words are not the way to communicate! UGHHHHH super frustrated right now!
So---I am going to call his banker today, and see if FDH has set up an appointment (or even called). If he hasn't, then purchasing this home is OFF, the future marriage is OFF, and the SOB can buy his own damn groceries, and pay for everything on his own. OMG...I'm so freaking mad right now!!!
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If he lies to you, you
If he lies to you, you obviously don't trust him, and you're already pissed about his lack of contribution to the household, um, why is the wedding on at this point?
If you don't trust someone, why on earth would you ever be willing to legally tie yourself to them which includes tying yourself to all their debt (that you don't think he's paid) or tying yourself to them through a major purchase of property?
You don't need an excuse to call off the purchase or the wedding. He lies to you. There's your reason. He's irresponsible. There's your reason. He's using you. There's a reason.
Him making or not making an appointment/phone call might be your straw on the camel's back, but seriously, you've got so much piled up saying Don't Do It! you don't need anything else. Let the user go.
I'm mad for you! And a word
I'm mad for you! And a word of warning, if he's a liar, he'll always be a liar. You'll never be at peace or have the comfort of knowing that he's being honest with you because you know deep down he's NOT.
If I were you, I'd pack up my kids, move back to my hometown and start over. Find an HONEST and genuine man who will be more responsible with his money and respect you enough to never lie.
good luck
If you are this fed up with
If you are this fed up with him now, it will only be much worse down the line. I would not marry him. Think long and hard. Do you want to be his mother forever? I have played that role and it sucks!! And if he lies now, he will lie forever.
I know what you mean about
I know what you mean about holding your tongue until you are so upset that everything comes spilling out. I would also get really frustrated because when I was letting my DH know what was bothering me, he would feel attacked and therefore would start interrupting me with HIS complaints!
What I did a few times that seemed to help was to write it all down (kind of like you did here but in a note to him). Then wait a day or two until you aren't so upset about his lack of follow through. Then re-write it from a more neutral perspective.
I have a lot of issues with my DH where I feel like I am the only responsible one and he gets to slack off and have fun. He is also quite messy and likes to start projects and not finish them. I always chalked this up to a character flaw but yet at work, he works like a madman. They nicknamed him "The Machine."
Then we found out that he had undiagnosed ADHD. Hasn't made my life that much easier but now I understand what his issues are and we can start work on dealing with it.
"I feel as if this man, who
"I feel as if this man, who has lied to me so many times about the littlest of events/things, has once again tried to manipulate me ...."
You can do better than this guy. Being alone is better than being with him.
Have you become a little addicted to the feeling of uncertainty that you get in the pit of your stomach when you can't believe the words that are coming out of his mouth? Has it gotten to be normal to save him from his mistakes? Do you get rewarded by being the hero? If any of this sounds familiar, please google codependence, educate yourself, and stop being a doormat.
He's not going to improve. What you see is what you will have forevermore if you marry him.