I'm new here...
I'm new here and I actually have three children of my own. DH has two from previous and does everything that I have seen everyone else talking about. He doesn't discipline his kids and in fact SS17 is waiting on a warrant because he was caught breaking into cars and yet DH still totally trusts him. DH said he would stop smoking because he knows how much I detest it, but five years later, he still smokes and now guess what.. lets SS17 smoke in front of house. DH talks to his ex at least once a day and still pays full child support even though SS17 lives with us. I'm not allowed to discipline SS17 or say anything to him. Yet, I'm supposed to be supportive to DH when he is upset that SS17 is in trouble again. I don't want my three around the stuff that is going on anymore. Also, DH and I do not have a relationship. He drinks at least a six pack, sometimes a twelve pack each Friday, Saturday & Sunday. We only have relations maybe once a month. That started about six months after we were married, and we only do after he has been drinking and if I initiate it and generally when it is not the weekend for him to have his kids. He also does the typical thing where he will bend over backwards to take care of first family but we had to live without living room, dining or real bedroom furniture for four years while he complained that we didn't have enough money. We don't even share bank accounts or finances, so I went and furnished the house myself... meanwhile he constantly complains he is broke.
I can't take it anymore, somebody please tell me if I am crazy for wanting to take my children out of this situation.
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you're not crazy
You simply want your DH to give you the kind of attention and love that he gives to his kids. Its not an unreasonable expectation
welcome to steptalk.
you are not crazy
If he is drinking that much, then he has a problem and it is very unhealthy for your kids to be around watching. Kids learn more from what we do than what we say.
I would fully understand if you left. I think you need to be clear with him about what you need and aren't getting first. Maybe he could snap around with a good warning. Otherwise... take care of yourself. It is good to protect your children, but what about yourself? You have to protect yourself too and it sounds like you are not being given any of what you need emotionally or physically from him.
Good luck!
We are here for you.
Thank you,
I actually have told him and he turns it around and says that everything has to always be about me and how I feel. So, he doesn't get it. When I ask why he feels he has to drink so much to have R with me, he just says I don't know. When I ask him why we don't have R more often, he complains hes tired. I work fulltime, I go to school full time, I'm in the military reserves, I have three children of my own and I get up every morning at 5:15 to go run before work and He is too tired for R? And, as far as the other issues, the skids treat me like I'm invading THEIR space and I pay for the house. But, if I say anything to DH, he gets mad at me and tells me I'm giving him attitude and doesn't back me up at all to skids. I really dislike the person that I've become and my kids see the difference as well. We've been married going on five years now and I'm just so unhappy all the time and tired of the whole situation. Problem is, because of the economy, I told him I wanted to go back to Active Duty Air Force (the reason I left was because i got orders and he wouldn't leave MO because of his kids) and says hes not happy about it, but basically has no other emotion whatsoever and now skids treating me even worse and SS17 asking my kids when we are leaving. I feel like I'm so done.
That is tough
I don't blame you for being unhappy. I am not sure it is worth it to continue the relationship if this is how it will be. Can you say this to DH and have a conversation about it? Give him some idea of what you would like to be different?
If you can't talk to him or he won't participate, have you talked to an attorney about what could happen if you did split? It may help your decision to know what to expect. I would not tell DH you are doing this, keep it to yourself - especially if you share bank accounts, etc.
I hope you find some happiness because this is our only life, you know?!!
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
I would get out
I know that's alot easier said than done but you have your children to think about. This situation is not only going to inpact on you but also your kids and you need to do what's best for them.
If you or the kids arn't happy then something needs to be worked out.
You are not crazy for loving and wanting to protect your children.
All the best hun.
Sounds like your dh will never change...
I am wondering why he talks tohis ex-wife so often? I mean why do they need to talk that much?? And why is he paying child support to her if the kids live with you both? Sord of sounds to me like he hasn't fully ended things with her. Have you questioned his feelings for her, and why he still pays her child support? I feel bad for the situation you are in...If your dh is showing no concern for you or your 3 kids, then maybe you should do what's bast for you and your kids, and leave before it gets worse, and give your kids a chnace to live a healthier and happier life. I wish you the best of luck, I hope all works out for the best! Stay strong, and focuesd.
Pack your bags
Everything you do or don't do affects how your children will turn out. If you don't have any kind of relationship with this man, and he is doing all thesethings, its sounds like he is toxic to your children. I would get out, now! You have to ask yourself why you are even still there? Whats the point?
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"