BM is STRANGE ~ Need some advice.
So, we have been going to church every Sunday for a few months now. Something that is NOT new to me, I was raised in church... but is VERY VERY new to FH. The kids really enjoy it, and FH actually has been the one up and ready to go on Sunday morning all bright eyed and bushy tailed... we got to the church that my mom is the Secretary at, my Uncle is the worship leader and I have known the Pastor ALL of my life. There really is no question about WHICH church WE would go to.
I got a call from BM last week-
BM- Have you been taking SS to church?
ME- YES, why?
BM- I think you go to the same church as my mom
ME- ok
BM- I am going to start going there
ME- WHY?
BM- I have been wanting to go tochurch for a long time
ME- ok, but why OUR church? There are hundreds of churches in the Valley, why OURS?
BM- I Don't know... I will for sure be there on Sunday though for Easter service.
ME- It's a big church, we may not even see each other, there are 3 services... and at least 1000 people per service
SO... I told FH, his response was "well, she NEEDS God... so maybe it will be fine. It is a big church"
Easter rolls around... we are standing in front of the church before service on Sunday, it was the kids weekend with their other parents so SS was with BM... her mom (YUCK) comes barrelling up to us holding SS hand "he wanted to say hi to his Daddy"
They proceeded to stand there and attempt to make small talk before service started... BM and her mom, while FH and SS played and talked and laughed. It was the most uncomfortable 5 minutes of my life. I just wanted them to walk away. So, we went in to service... FH and I sat down about 10 minutes before they did. They sat two rows in front of us, just on the other side of the aisle. Right in our line of site to the stage... BM must of turned around and looked at us a dozen times in the hour and a hlaf service. It was so incredibly uncomfortable. That just proved to me that she was not there for the right reasons.
Is it wrong that I don't want her there? I know that Church is an open door for everyone, but what do I do? Have a talk with her? Let it go and hope she is too lazy to actually come every Sunday?? I really don't know HOW to handle this without causing a HUGE blow out.
Honestly?
What can you do that won't make you look like an a$$? I totally agree with how you are feeling, I'd feel the same way too, but I don't think you can say anything without looking like a butt. I would start switching services. Do a different one every week or two. She'll never know which one you are going to attend so if she's only there to irritate you, it won't be long before she'll quit going. And if she's there because she really feels the pull of the church, then maybe switch services for good.
Good luck!!
Oh god...
That would definitely be very uncomfortable...
Sorry but, LOL at "she needs god" yeahhh.. SURE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, I am not religious myself, so maybe my opinion shouldn't count... because I think that church is a waste of time...
and now, in your case, a stressful event, and you will not be "enjoying the service/God" at all, thats for sure...
Understanding....
That some people aren't "religious" and we all have our own opinions on Church and God and such... this could be anything though, I would feel this way if she started showing up at my gym, or going to the grocery store in my neighborhood when she lives no where near us. I feel like she has invited herself into our home. It is bad enough that when she comes to get SS she makes it a point to go upstairs and into his room. I HATE that she is up there in MY house, my private space. I know that is HER sons room, but she has to pass by all of the other bedrooms on her way, INCLUDING mine and FH's. We always leave our door open... and I don't always know when she is coming so running upstairs and closing the door is not always an option. All of it feels like such an invasion of privacy.
I think I have put a stop to her going upstairs. I told FH that if he let her up there he may as well tell her to grab a load of HIS stuff on the way down, because he would be moving out. It hasn't happened since.
Sometimes it feels like I am being petty, but that is MY house... I know SS wants to show off his bedroom to his mom and all that crap, but I have to draw a line somewhere.
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ ; )
Yeah I agree
It could be anything that involves privacy invasion. And Is there a way you can talk to your DH about not wanting to have her in your house at least not that often.
BM is not WELCOME in our house unless she wants to see how SD sleeps or something like that.
I told DH that I didn't want her here one day that she wanted to come to "sort school pictures out" and he told her that that was a stupid idea, she flipped out she didn't understand how is it that she wasn't welcome in the house in which her daughter sleeps.... well, my husband told her that their daughter is a totally different entity, and should not be compared, when she kept insisting asking why wasn't she allowed to come in he told her that is my house too, I'm his wife, and I decide who enters my house and who doesn't...
Also, we live like 12 minutes away from each other, have the same walmart in common etc... although I have never seen her around, I know that she shops close to my house and stuff like that, we are planning on moving like 30 minutes away, that would be GREEEEAAATTT
i can't wait for that
About 30 minutes
We do live about 30 minutes from her, in traffic and all... and it is nice knowing that I won't run into her at the store. FH had no problem with me telling him she was not allowed upstairs. It just became a "habit" after we moved and SS wanted to show his mom his new room... and being that at her house they "shared" a room, and I wanted her to see how excited (even though he has always had his own room with us) he was about having his OWN space, in hopes to trigger something in that pea brain of hers about the importance of cutting the umbilical cord. So once it happened the first time, she just made herself right at home with going up there. Now DH just stands at the door and doesn't even really let her in the house at all. Which I am so very happy about.
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ ; )
Is nothing sacred?
I could just see the same thing happening in my life. Yes, very uncomfortable. It doesnt even make sense, most NORMAL do what they can to keep their lives seperate from the ex...here is this crazy lady following you guys around.
I have no advice...but that really stinks. Unless you want to find a new church, then I guess stay and hope she tires of her little game.
"God grant me the serenity accept the things I cannot change; the strength to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."
The old competition thing at work
You got DH to go, your SS likes it...so she has to jump on the bandwagon. Pathetic.
Don't worry, she'll get tired of it. If you're not into for your faith, it can be pretty boring.
OH So true...
And she is super lazy, I am hoping that getting up and getting ready every Sunday is just too much for her to handle. Even though it's not like it is her WEEKEND day to rest, she hasnt worked in ages, so she can sleep in any day of the week, and DOES!
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ ; )
I thought the same thing
Just sit back and pay her no mind. Chances are she'll get tired of it and quit going. It's obvious she's doing it just to needle you.
what the hell?
Would bother me too.
Can't they at least work something out with you to not go go the same service? prolly not..........
This is ( I feel ) there way of letting you know, you can't control them.
You should ask the church elders what to do in this situation as I beleive since they picked your church, they are up to no good.
Maybe the best thing to do is IGNORE them.... as in no eye contact or anything, not sure but I bet the church elders can tell you how to handle this as I bet its happened before. Also in asking the elders for help, it alerts them to any trouble she may try to cause.
No, it's not wrong of you, DISbelief!
I'll give you the same sort of scenario to show you you're definitely not alone in feeling this way.
DH and I are Catholic and go to Mass every week. We raise all our 5 kids Catholic. In fact his 3 girls all go to Catholic HS. His ex was Catholic, too, but now only at her convenience-
And by that I mean she openly snubs her nose at the faith, never goes to Church anymore, but when she had her new kid with her new miscreant husband, don't you know she ran to the Church to have the kid baptized and had a huge party. But since that day, she hasn't gone back. Now in my book, that's just a "little" hypocrytical, don't ya think?
So the girls are apparently now only "50% Catholic", because on weekends when they are at her house, they never go to Mass.
Anyway, I take my faith very seriously. I teach religion classes and get kids ready to be confirmed in the faith. I also teach classes to prepare parents to get their kids baptized.
So the SDs tell me and DH that for Easter, they are going to Mass with their BM on Sunday morning the same time DH and I had planned to go!! Are you kidding me? How can I go to Mass on the happiest day of the Liturgical year and now see this skanky, horrible cow THERE- someone who I KNOW openly laughs at the teachings of the Church and then will go up and receive Communion????
I can't. It will just make me sick to my stomach.
So DH and I rearrange our schedules and literally go, to not only a different Mass time but, to an entirely different Parish as well!
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"