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My husband's mouth has landed him in the dog house!

bmhateclub's picture

Submitted by bmhateclub on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 1:45pm

He verbally hurt my feelings and I dont know how to get over it the way I usually get over our arguments. It is different, is is like it is eating me alive. If I would just leave it in the past life would go on. But I cant for some reason. Am I crazy?

He said "I am sorry I dont want to fight"...(sorry A**) apology...I know)

Thing is that I know he will say it again the next time he cant win an argument with me. It is like when he knows he cant win or he doesnt like the truth he is hearing then he starts with his ugly a** tongue.

I am no saint...I have a potty mouth too but I dont sit there and say you this or you that...

Whatcha think? What can I do to drill it into his head that this is unacceptable...besides divorce of course...as of now it is like he thinks he has done no wrong...but I feel like he stabbed me.

Comments

bmhateclub's picture

Submitted by bmhateclub on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 1:54pm

I do give a smartass remark too. But man he really got under my skin this time. I cant shake it. He never shows me if what I say gets under his skin. He is a major hard ass.

bmhateclub's picture

Submitted by bmhateclub on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 2:03pm

bees...yes it was/is extremely hurtful and I am one of those people who over thinks things too so that is not helping me out either. I guess right now giving it time is the only plan I have. I tried to let him know yesterday but that didnt go well either. Maybe it boils down to me knowing in my heart that he will say it again in the heat of the moment. That breaks my heart just thinking about next time...:(

fedup13's picture

Submitted by fedup13 on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 2:36pm

Same here. My husband can be downright verbally abusive. Then, he just acts like it never happened and I should be perfectly fine and then it always happens again.

bmhateclub's picture

Submitted by bmhateclub on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 2:43pm

fedup13...so how do YOU deal with it internally...what is it that you tell yourself that makes you feel better?

fedup13's picture

Submitted by fedup13 on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 7:49pm

I don't deal with it. I just keep on keeping on. I contemplate divorce, now, I vent here, I have had to deal with some pretty bad emotional traumas in my life and I, as a coping mechanism, have somehow subconsciously been able to just go numb to pain. My Mom calls it auto pilot. She says I am able to turn off the hurt because the only other option is breaking down. Do I have mini melt downs? Yes. Are there days where I truly think I am going to lose my mind? Yes. But somehow, and I totally do not advocate it because it is not healthy at all, but somehow, on a large scale, I just shut down so I don't have to feel. Do I ever really feel better? Good? Happy? Real? No.

misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 2:47pm

My DH used to be very verbally abusive and downright cruel. I left him until he got on medication and went through treatment for alcoholism.

Things are 1000% better now!

bmhateclub's picture

Submitted by bmhateclub on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 2:54pm

Hoping I dont have to leave him...but I feel like it Sad Not because I cant get over it...because I will....but because I know he will say it again the next time he does not get his way. Who wants to live that way? I dont Sad

fedup13's picture

Submitted by fedup13 on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 7:52pm

My DH is Bipolar, BPD, and I think borderline if not all the way Narcissistic. He goes thru phases of taking meds, then he will have a fit, flush them, and say he doesn't need them. "THAT THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH HIM" He is like a child himself most of the time, temper tantrums, and the whole not getting his way thing or being told no, you better look out. I HATE living this way, but still kind of pity him and I do love him, but all of this coupled with his demon child, makes life very hard.

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 3:00pm

I'm sorry, I dealt with a man (my 2nd ex) for 8 yrs doing this to me. I vowed after I divorced him that I'd NEVER allow anyone to ever verbally (or any other way) abuse me again. Not during arguments or any other time.

Mutual respect for your spouse/SO starts with never calling them names or verbally abusing them in any way.

You, and all of the above posters that deal with this as well, deserve better. My DH wouldn't ever even raise his voice at me, much less call me a name, as I wouldn't do the same to him. That's called respect and true love for one another.

No one has to put up with that. No one SHOULD put up with that.

bmhateclub's picture

Submitted by bmhateclub on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 3:05pm

Thank you redwingsfan...but I am no saint and have a potty mouth myself. Not proud of it. Sure I cuss during our arguments, but I have never been the first to just straight out attack him as a person...

Your right though it goes both ways with respect. I get that but damn he went to far.

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 4:07pm

There's nothing wrong with swearing - I do it too. But you bet your sweet ass if DH said to me "You're a fucking stupid ass bitch" he'd be out the damn door, and QUICK.

Ex used to say things like "you're a fat, ugly whore and no one will ever want you if you left me", "I hate you, bitch", "you're a horrible mother and a cunt"...those are verbally abusive sentences. Not just bad words or Potty mouth.

If he's gone too far and you know he'll do it again, how are you going to handle it again? I couldn't.

fedup13's picture

Submitted by fedup13 on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 7:53pm

Me too Sad

bmhateclub's picture

Submitted by bmhateclub on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 4:16pm

how are you going to handle it again?....exactly....I just dont know what to do or think right now. I am very well aware that this is a HUGE issue now.

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 4:26pm

I'm sorry honey. I wish the best for you. I really do. No one should be treated that way, ever.

fedup13's picture

Submitted by fedup13 on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 7:56pm

I tell myself this EVERY DAY. I think my biggest mistake is I went into this relationship with so many expectations, all of which DH led me to believe were attainable. He hid his true nature for SO long. I would have never believed it if someone had told me when we were just dating that he would be the way he is. I never planned on being with someone who would treat me this way.

Starla's picture

Submitted by Starla on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 3:39pm

Sounds tough and is leaving me with a few questions but mind u, I read what I don't hear.

Are you being cut down as a person, your actions, how often, and what leads up to it?

Sorry to hear how this is making you feel.

bi's picture

Submitted by bi on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 8:05pm

i don't really have any advice, but i can commiserate. it was over a year ago that fdh said something pretty nasty to me (and completely untrue) and i still have days when that enters my mind and i get pissed all over again. i can tell you, i did not let it go. i brought it up many times and told him to justify what he said. of course he couldn't. he says he didn't mean it, he only said it out of anger. i don't give a shit, he still said it, and that's what i told him. and i really don't think that me sticking up for myself against his relatives (because God knows he's too much of a pussy to do it himself like he should) is a reason for him to be mad at all! i did let him know that if he ever says anything like that again, i will leave. and i mean it. i will not be treated like that.