Nope, it's not too harsh. Each offense should have a more severe punishment.

i firmly believe in upping punishments if behavior doesn't change. i tell you do it one time and you don't, you're grounded for a week. it happens again, 2 weeks. again, 3 weeks and you will lose something else besides your freedom. i've never had to go that far. usually if you stick to one punishment consistently, they learn they aren't going to get away with shit. i'm a pretty easy going mom. so it takes a lot for bd to get punished, and when she does, she knows i'm good and pissed. (that's not to say i let her get away with stuff, it just means i don't freak out over stupid stuff. she has to actually do something wrong to get in trouble.)

sd should be going to bed with no dessert an hour early. and next time she should have to do that and be grounded for a week, lose a privelege for a week, whatever would work best. sounds like dh is doing the bare minimum just to say he did something when he really doesn't want to do anything at all.

I have learned the hard way, there is nothing you can do about the way your DH parents his child. He will simply have to learn from his mistakes. I'm not going to lie, it's frustrating as hell to watch the progression of the goat screw they call discipline. But for your own sanity, just butt out and let him deal with it. Trust me, there is nothing you can do and everything you say will make you the bad guy.

Honestly, it's like screaming at the movie screen when you see the dumb twenty-something go into the dark alley, wearing the skimpy outfit. You know she's going to get butchered, all you can do is watch because no amount of screaming at the movie screen will change the outcome.

A long while back, DH had punished his kid. I don't remember her crime, but she was on restriction for two weeks. There was a concert she wanted to attend during that time frame. She conned her counselor into speaking to DH about it. Counselor talked DH into "negotiating" the punishment, meaning he'll let her go to the concert and she's do X to make up for the evening (when she should have been on restriction).

I was pissed. I told DH, you don't negotiate with little terrorists. She F'd up, she got punished, missing the concert is the price she is paying for her crime. He disagreed and said he would try it the counselor's way. I said "DH, I'm going to tell you what's going to happen. You're going to let her go and she's going to refuse to fulfill her part of the bargain." He said he trusted her to follow through. That marked the point where I fully disengaged and said, fine.....do it your way.

So he did, and his kid completely screwed him. She got to go to the concert and she refused (yes, refused) to fulfill her obligation to DH. At his next summary appointment with the therapist, I was called and asked to join them at the last minute. The counselor wanted to know how I was able to predict the outcome. I said I don't need a degree in psychology to figure out how a manipulative, whiny, little brat is going to F over her Disney Dad father. I told the counselor that was the worst parenting advice I've ever heard, and I'm not even a fricking parent.