I have been on both sides of the fence.

BD has a SM. In fact she has had two.

The 1st SM and I did not get along AT ALL. BD is the oldest kid. Her dad wanted to get married, but hey I was only 19 and yes I'd had a kid, but with the responsibility of being a parent I realized that I really didn't LOVE him and that I just wasn't ready for marriage. I know bass-ackwards, but hey. We eventually went our separate ways. He was in the military. Ended up getting with some other chick, got her pregnant and had a shot-gun wedding. I tried real hard for my daughter to know her brother. The SM wanted nothing to do with my daughter. There was even an instance when she cursed my 3 year old out on the phone. YEAH you heard it correctly, cursed her out. BD3 was on the phone with brother 2 (of course there was no real intelligent conversation going on), but they were on the phone enjoying each other. Then BD has this puzzled look on her face and starts to cry. I ask what is it baby and take the phone to hear SM saying "HE is NOT your f#cking brother. I only had ONE kid. He will NEVER be your brother!" Huh? So, of course I lay into the bitch about how dare she speak to my child in that manner.

Turns out that this woman was threatened by ME and took it out on BD. The stupid ex actually told the idiot that he was still in love with me and she could never get beyond that. I was no threat as I did not want him and I lived in South Florida and they lived in the Panhandle. Not like we were sneaking around. After that BD was never allowed to be around SM. The Ex had to visit BD and since SM was psycho to appease her, he just didn't visit. Needless to say, they ended up divorcing. She ended up on crack and abused her BS. The ex ended up with custody of the son.

There were many other girlfriends (and siblings) that came and went through the years. But finally he met someone and they married and had 2 daughters.

BD is now 21. She speaks with her dad and siblings and SM, but I don't. Now we have lost touch with one another, but when they lived near we were actually really close. In fact, BDs dad hated that we got along so well. SM was a pleasant person and she and I just HIT IT OFF. We would talk hours on end and enjoyed the same things. Stands to reason that we were born 2 days apart, same year. We would have easily been really good friends if the ex was not in the picture. It really bothered him that we were so cool and we didn't have to work at it. BD also loved her BUT his son from the first marriage woman and SM clashed royally.

Now as the SM I have tried, Lord knows I have, but BM makes it hard. She continues to poison the kids and if they digest what she says then it is hell for me and if they don't then it is ok. It is a tough spot to be in and I'm not sure. If I did not love my husband as much as I do, there are times that I believe that I would actually have the strength to walk away. Thank God that I love him because I have been tested as a SM more than any one person should be tested throught ones lifetime.

Just because one opens her legs twice, does not a mother make! ~ ME ~ }:-P

My oldest son doesn't have a stepmom yet...but he's only 5. His dad lives out of state & is in the military so they only see each other on school breaks now. I do not think my ex should remarry. He's not the nicest guy to women, and I know if he remarried I would hate to send my son to see him, because I know my son would witness my ex treating her like crap. Also, right now at least, exH is still always trying to act like he's still married to me. He still has his paycheck deposited in the same joint checking account we had when we were married and has me "take what I need in cs" and transfer him the rest. NO wife would ever put up with that, and he's not the kind to take orders so I don't think he'd listen if he was told to change it. But who knows. I just hope he doesn't get remarried for a LONG time! He has a lot of growing up to do.

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"