PLEASE PRAY FOR ME - I told DH that I think SS14 is an asshole and not a nice person.
I told DH that I think SS14 is an asshole and not a nice person. Okay, this isn't the way to start out a useful conversation. I started disengaging a couple of weeks ago and simply told my husband that I was trying something new. He didn't ask for more info. Prior to this we had some ugly arguments. All of our arguments have always been about his kids (I have none). We don't argue otherwise.
He was immediately defensive, telling me he thinks SS14 is a nice person, blah blah. SS10 is not a problem and mostly isn't. Anyway, this was just before dinner with the boys (which was good all around) and in a few minutes, I'm going to talk to DH about disengaging and so I ask you to:
PLEASE PRAY FOR ME
We haven't argued at all since I started disengaging and I am so surprised at how I'm not stressed. It's been awesome. Biting my tongue isn't easy, but overall, I'm so much happier. Anyway, I'm hoping this conversation goes well. Deep Breath. I'll come post here after.
I hope your talk goes well
I hope your talk goes well Mimi!
It went so well! I expected
It went so well! I expected him to be defensive, for some reason (past 'discussions'). It all went well and he went on about manners a bit and how they've 'adjusted for me' (learned manners for me). He said he was raised that manners were for being OUT at a restaurant. Yes, the biggest part of this talk, after I read the disengaging essay to him was about manners. Anyway, I told him that I do expect the common areas of the house to be kept neat (always have, though) and I expect good manners at dinner, towards me, and visitors. He just said okay. I let him know everyone has adjusted - them to being without BM, the three of them to me, and ME TO THEM. It's been constant adjusting for the last few years and it has sucked.
I had started by asking him - when was the last time you and I argued. He said, "It's been a while, few weeks". Yes, remember then - I told you I was going to try something new...I started disengaging.
We're going to be okay. I love this site and I'm thankful for everyone's support. I pray for my family and all stepmoms every day. Yes, I'm on a little cloud right now.
I read him the letter from this first link, then the disengaging essay:
http://csmchat.weebly.com/disengaging.html
http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html
I'm glad things are going
I'm glad things are going well. You said your husband commented on how they had to adjust by learning manners. I found that funny. Boys are pigs. They're probably not used to someone wanting to keep a clean house. And they probably fart and burp all the time and shovel their food in their mouths. I think that's just how they are! I'm not saying it's right, I just think it's natural for them to behave like heathens.
I had sisters growing up and then my younger sister had my niece. Then a few years later, she had 2 boys. They are SO different than girls.